MILES to GO || before I sleep

So, I'm chilling here at SFO (San Francisco International Airport, for those that don't speak airport code). I shelled out $7.99 for a T-Mobile Hotspot Day Pass, because even though I don't visit airports (or Starbucks, or even Borders) quite often enough to get a Hotspot account/shell out $40 a month, sitting here for 3 hours nursing a Coca-Cola and reading the August issue of Wired just doesn't cut it for me. I need to be connected, which is kind of sad. I sort of miss my childhood. :P

( Tech jargon )

( More win and OSM )

I'm actually somewhat looking forward to going home, if just to sleep on my own bed (though the AeroBed Mom got was pretty damn comfortable, no matter what Eva said about it being too soft) and have steady Wi-Fi in all my usual haunts. Also, MAIL! And money. And work for a week, until I have to get my butt to DC. And in-between all that, family visits and the Orange County Fair. Should be fun.

Meanwhile, Michael Jackson's "Beat It" is stuck in my head, along with a plotbunny for a multichapter Sailor Moon fic I meant to write for sm_monthly and never got around to. I mean really, ANOTHER multichapter? I wish I could churn stuff out as fast as moodwriter, with her "Hate, Prejudice and Secret Intentions" (I think I got that title right) Dramione fic that I've been reading lately. Good stuff! I've also got to catch up on Stargirl's "Tsuki no Namida," an AR of the Silver Millennium, since the latest chapter is up for critiquing on one of the_circlet communities. I'm not a big fan of walking into a long-ish multi-chapter fic blind, so I'll start with the beginning and go from there. So far, it's got an interesting premise but some grammar issues that irk me. But hey, SAILOR MOON FIC. I ought to get writing!

It's only February 16th, but already I'm thinking 2009 is going to kick butt. For one, I'm going to Las Vegas in a few days. I want to have high hopes even though it's someone else's birthday. I'm planning on having fun, so that's what's going to happen. I'm determined! Also, Dad gave me what might end up being the most awesome present he's ever given me.

He was part of this rewards program that's going under, and he raked in TENS OF THOUSANDS of points. For any rewards program, this is a lot. Well, turns out with just a few thousand points, you can get eCertificates to sellers like Amazon, iTunes, and so on, plus DVDs. Dad told me to spend every last point, so... I did (almost). I got a ton of DVDs I've been wanting plus some eCertificates.

I had the genius idea to maybe use those eCertificates for NSLS as fundraiser incentives, but I'm still torn on that. I mean, for one, some of them (Sephora) might not be good incentives, because they're not really applicable to everyone... I suppose guys could find a use for a $50 eCert to Sephora, but the only way I can imagine is if they were buying gifts for another girl. Does that make me sexist? I'm sure there are things for men on Sephora....

So I'll wait for the DVDs to arrive and then I'll decide. In the meantime...

( 25 random things? )

Tag!
1 schmollieollie
2 cutieme4u
3 guardian_kysra
4 winterwing3000
5 aelibia
6 arien_elensar
7 fountain_the
8 praiseofshadows
9 geniusgirl
10 bewareofdogz
11 katiat325
12 kitesareevil
13 dqbunny
14 lin_ko
15 obabscribbler
16 staplerx (don't shoot! :P)
17 azhp
18 hikaru_jan
19 psyjoe_dilandau
20 zigx
21 rose_of_pollux
22 Denise S.
23 Mike C.
24 Sheila F.
25 Carlos R.

Greetings from FREEZING Seattle, WA... er, technically, Bellevue, I guess. Getting here wasn't so bad, but the schmucks at Alaska Airlines somehow managed to not put my checked bag (only the one, not even that big or heavy) on my flight, so I had to wait until about a half hour ago for it to be delivered to Sally's house.

Right now, we're (meaning me, my dad & Kathleen, and a few of the other cousins and aunts/uncles) are staying at a friend of Sally's house; I guess her family's out elsewhere for the holidays. It's a bit awkward to be in the home of someone I don't even know, but they did say it's okay...

And frankly, even if Sam (cousin) did say that it's "shady," at least THEY have free Wi-Fi. Seriously, I'm not the first person to point out to Sally and the boys that NOT having Wi-Fi at their house is equivalent to living in the Stone Age. (For those of you with Dial-Up, you're prehistoric.)

The Thanksgiving dinner was DELICIOUS, even though I got a stomachache after the fact-- actually though, based on the human digestive system, there's no way anything I ate at Thanksgiving could have made me sick, even if it was something I'm mysteriously allergic to. I think it was that muffin I picked up at Sea-Tac while waiting for Dan and my bag (which never came while I was there). It was one of those Costco muffins-- delicious, humongous, and bad for you, but you eat it anyway.

Pre and slightly-post dinner, I managed to work on the DIVs for "Ace of Hearts," the Sailor V x Kaitou Ace fanlisting I just started. It's about due, and I'm glad Michael (aka Honus, aka cousin-in-law, husband of Brooke) helped me out with it. Now I understand better how DIVs and CSS can work in tandem! So far it looks great, but I need to write the About, Rules, and Extras pages, make some Codes, and then, of course, Join! And promote... kinda like I am now. Pre-promoting, anyway.

I also managed to watch CSI-- I'm glad Sara got mentioned at least a little. The way the previews made it sound, the game was overtaking the lab and no one thought twice about Sara, which would have infuriated me. I liked how the lesser-seen lab techs got more time in the limelight in this episode (and Hodges had HIMSELF killed in a scenario? Wow, talk about his ego finally having been knocked down a few pegs).

I've also made headway on my portfolio for Journalism; I need access to a printer to print everything out, though. An aesthetic question of sorts: if I have these newspaper articles mounted on papers inside a 3-ring binder, what arrangement is easiest to read; with the headline closest to the rings (and you read the columns going AWAY from the binder) or the headlines closest to the edge of the page, and you read TOWARD the rings?

Had to buy a new phone, too-- just another RAZR. The 3G phone I bought for Japan finally died. The past few days, it was getting hard to open, and then on Wednesday, the screen started to flicker until it finally died and I couldn't turn it back on, even when I adjusted the battery. While I don't consider myself a hardcore phone user, I do USE it everyday for at least one phone call... but still, a little over a year strikes me as a pretty pathetic life not just for a battery, but for a phone's casing and everything in general..

The new phone is a bit different-- mine, while still a RAZR, was a different model (the V3x, from Europe). It takes some getting used to, but because syncing is so easy on the Mac, I've already got all my old contacts back, along with my calendar. I've also set the first four of my "Fave Five," though to be honest, I have no idea who #5 should be. The rest are Mom, Dad, Jill, and Baba & Grandpa. In any case, I hope by having a branded phone now, things'll be easier for me-- I can now access T-Zones, and there's no worries about incompatible phones on the website, weird text messages, etc. (Of course, I stopped getting those mysterious text messages on my old RAZR ages ago, when they finally updated their support-- I think.) I hope it also helps bring my bill down, since I was paying extra for minutes I didn't use and unlimited text messages WITHOUT myFaves. I still have the T-Mobile Hot Spot access though, which means I can go to any Starbucks or Borders and just type my heart out. That might be a nice way to spend the afternoon, especially since I won't really be able to do any "Black Friday" shopping-- unless someone else buys for me. I have to pay for my WII deposit (though it turns out I have 10 more days, since the forms I've been stressing over filling out were the digital copies, but they just sent the paper copies today).

I didn't get to announce about being accepted into the Washington Internship Institute at dinner, like I hoped-- Dad must have heard about it from Baba & Grandpa, and then it filtered through the family grapevine. When I told Dad about the costs, he started to think it wasn't legit-- and for a minute, he really had ME worried, too. Sometimes I wonder how gullible I really am; when something really sounds great to (or for) me, I probably don't stop to consider the consequences or other possibilities out there.

But it does look legit-- I mean, it's a sponsored program from Golden Key, one of my honor societies. But what I think is a good idea is trying to contact some people who supposedly were interns in the program before and find out what they thought.

What else? I'm exhausted and still have a stomachache-- so even though I'm on a couch in a room with curtains that won't close, I think I'll go to bed. This isn't really a vacation, after all...

A little over an hour (and a half?) ago, my uncle Neal, Baba, Grandpa and I got back from UCLA, where we attended my cousin Erin's double-graduation. Double because she got two bachelors degrees: one in design, and another in anthropology, with a minor in urban planning. The first one was big and huge, but we cut out as soon as Erin got her name called-- the second dragged on despite it being "smaller" --they started late, and the speakers all just kept GOING AND GOING. Erin even had time to pass back a note to her mom (my aunt Joyce) that said "I thought I graduated already, so why am I getting lectured!?" when the dean just kept going and going and going...

And I still like all the excitement of graduation, even if the prospect of paying off student loans, finding a "real" job and moving out on my own (really, for the first time) is a bit daunting. I wonder if keeping my Japanese minor just to put that off for a bit longer is a good idea... I'm still undecided on whether I want to keep it as a minor.

Before the graduation, we went to my grandparents' cousin's 90th and 94th (!!) birthday celebration at this fancy restaurant in Westwood called Lawry's. It was very dark and wooden, though I think some rather rich kids (perhaps Beverly Hills ilk?) were having a party in one half of the restaurant, while various branches of the Sweet/Goldberg families filled up several tables in the other room.

Baba had chicken, Grandpa had fish, and I had this massive steak the size of my head that was so overdone (I asked for well-done, not BURNT TO A CRISP) that it was dry, and I ended up eating more creamed corn and mashed potatoes than I did steak. There was also a ton of fat on the steak, which... well, looks like white jelly, and is not appetizing to eat. So I tried to cut some of it off. I gave some steak to both Baba and Grandpa (because they asked), but even then, I got so filled up off everything else-- salad, a bread roll, and what little steak I could eat. Then I had to try and eat some dessert, but by then, we were running late to meet Erin for her graduation, which began at 4pm.

All in all, it was a very filled day-- fun, but filled. Toward the end, I was so cold and hungry, it made me irritable and a bit more complaining than I usually am (or would like to be). What's frustrating is how UCLA, quite unlike CSUN, is very wide and spread out, and not the least bit flat. It's all over hills, with major thoroughfares passing through it. They have traffic lights WITHIN the campus! CSUN just has a million stop signs. So it took a while for Neal to get the car after the second graduation (because Erin had to show him how to get to where he'd parked), and then he drove RIGHT BY US when he finally DID come and find the place. >_< We had to call to get him to turn back around and find us.

When we got home, I made myself a yummy nectarine-and-raisin bowl of Cream of Wheat and watched "Legally Blonde" with my aunt Joyce and my uncles Neal, Fred, and Dan. It was kind of fun, though IMDB.com says that the sequel wasn't all that great. ;_; Too bad.

Other cool stuff:
* Working on customizing more skins for Epiphany (which I *MUST* get up by the end of the summer) and Dragonfayth, including all new ones, like WritingPlus3, a new version of Safari, and maybe more!

* Fixed Epiphany's "elegance" skin using the oh-I-can't-believe-I-forgot-that CSS Box Model. Okay, so it still needs a bit of work. Can anyone on a PC with IE6 (*not 7* as I can test for that on my end) test for me? Let me know if you can check for me, please... :)

* Managed to convert (using CrossFont, a shareware program for Windows) HUNDREDS of Windows-only fonts into Mac-readable ones, which I immediately imported using the super-nifty FontExplorerX, which even detected duplicate fonts for me! Because I managed to actually USE said fonts and delete the duplicates, I saved some disk space.

* Talked to Scott (aka fountain_the) today-- it was nice hearing from him again! Plus he sent (in an email) photos of his tiny (looks like a loft) apartment. Cooking is apparently impossible there... which I can't blame him for thinking. It took me a while to get used to the tiny fridge, itty-bitty cabinet space, and minuscule cooking area myself. I told Fred that Scott missed his old job with SDMM, and Fred smiled (in that Fred way...) and said he would tell the gang at SDMM that Scott said hi, and YES, they did get his postcard, which everyone read. :)

Not-so-cool stuff:
* I've been trying to install more games on my Windows side, since I upgraded to Parallels 3. I managed to get the Doom Collector's Edition working well (in fact, I spent most of Friday at work blasting Imps and Demons), but when it came to one of my favorite simulator games, "Pharaoh" with the Cleopatra expansion, I couldn't do it. The first attempt stalled at 37%, the second at 80%. I read a tech support tip on the Sierra forums that said to try copying the CD contents to the HD and installing from there, but it tripped up on the LAST, most important file, data2.cab. :( I guess I could try finding the game again (my CD is somewhat scratched up), but I'm hoping there's another way to get this ONE stupid file. No one on this FL happens to have that game, do they?

* Room is a horrid mess. Haven't had the motivation to clean it, assemble my bookcase, put my clothes away... it's funny, because I have motivation for coding, but little else. And I *NEED* to have that motivation, because there's a lot to be done (Semester at Sea app, preparing for Philly, among other things).

* I tried selling my Hot Gimmick set on eBay and there were a bunch of problems-- I thought it was because of seller fees owed to eBay, an old B&N order where PayPal saw the authorization as still pending... but in the end, I think it was because eBay saved my old Yahoo! address under the listing. After finally figuring this out, I notified the seller with step-by-step instructions on how to pay to my PROPER PayPal address, but she said it still didn't work and she wasn't interested in buying them anymore. :( I hate to think if she'll negatively feedback me, but I can understand her frustration. The problem is, I relisted the item for Second Chance, and I had no opportunity to indicate my proper email. If the runner-up wants it, they might have the same problem unless I can notify them where to send the payment! Stupid eBay... they should change email addresses EVEN ON ACTIVE OR CLOSED LISTINGS the minute a user changes it in their profile. Or I could blame PayPal, for not catching the payment even though the Yahoo! address is listed as an alternate email on my account now. Of course, the user didn't say she GOT the same error, and she wouldn't say what she did get... methinks she was just so frustrated, she didn't bother with it. Shame.

Silver lining:

* Got Dad a killer trio of Father's Day/birthday presents. Can't wait to call him tomorrow and hear his reaction. I just hope he doesn't bring up some of the drama that's plagued us earlier this week... which I suppose I'll get into in another entry, when I figure out just what to DO about it. Have to talk to Joyce.

Whoo-hoo, Giants beat the Padres 3-5! I wish we'd beat them 1-5, then I could have gone to the Levi's store at Union Square and gotten 10% or so off a purchase with a ticket stub, but alas... I suppose I don't need the new pants anyway (even though I really do, I think). But it was still nice having post-game bragging rights and text messaging Scott to tell him GIANTS WON HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (among other things, which prompted the following reply: !...go Padres?)

So generally speaking, it's been a good Spring Break. I wish I'd gotten out more... hopefully if I get up at a semi-reasonable hour tomorrow (and Mom doesn't have me cleaning again *pray pray pray*) I can do some last-minute shopping at J-town and downtown, if I pack my other things in the morning. I hope the weather will be nice, because no matter what outfit I choose, it'll be a skirt. :P

Thankfully Dad wasn't PO'd at all when I called him earlier today to ask him about the plans for Friday... he still doesn't know if Kathleen is coming for Passover, though. o_O; And he refuses dead-on to come to S.F., so that means Mom'll be stuck shipping any leftover things of mine, rather than me taking it via car. :P Honestly, parents can be so immature at times...

But rather than rant and rail, I'm in a pretty good mood. I snagged YGO: Duelist #20 (yea for more errors by Viz so I can put them on WikiFic!) and The Prestige on DVD for only $19.99 (plus 30% off YGO!). And the game was pretty damn good, even if Bonds... well, he didn't do much. He caught one good hit somewhere in the last innings, but hitting-wise, he didn't do much. When he finally got to base, it was because he got a run. Everyone was booing. I think booing is tacky, but... whatever. It helped us score in the end, I think.

It's a shame I didn't get to see more of my friends and do more with my Mom, but that's the nature of Spring Break. I'll be back in summer, for sure.

Okay, so I went to the post office right after Japanese class to try and pay for the rest of my HK trip. The postal savings ATM wouldn't let me withdraw 63,000 yen; it said "You have exceeded your credit limit." I freaked out, because I didn't know whether that meant that
a) The Postal Savings ATM only lets you make X number of withdrawals, or withdrawals up to X yen (if you're a visitor to Japan/using a foriegn bank card).
b) I had much less money than I thought (or the exchange rate made what I thought was enough money "less")
or c) WaMu put a limit on the amount of withdrawals I was allowed to make from abroad

Turns out it was the latter, as I vaguely remembered someone from WaMu telling me I had a limit of $500/day to withdraw. Now, at the time, I obviously thought "Why would I want to have $500 on me IN CASH, anyway?" Well, so I couldn't do it, but I did withdraw 32,000 yen successfully. I said bye to Holly, who was inside the post office mailing packages (turned out we'd been on the same bus on the way there), and headed toward Tokyo-Mitsubishi bank a few blocks down. It was actually a lot closer than I thought, so I don't think I'll take the bus the next time I have to go there from the post office (and I would have to go to the post office, because I already know the bank can't make withdrawals from my bank account... there's no CIRRUS symbol on the back!)

I decided I would try and remember the order/process of making a deposit (o-furikomi), but I kept encountering all these options and I had NO idea what they were or what they meant. The security guard tried to help, but he couldn't translate anything into English. One lady DID help me read the correct branch name in kanji, and eventually one of the clerks helped me through the whole process. She also helped me get a card that will expedite the process (I don't have to enter all the account information again) for the next time I go on, probably on Monday.

And I emailed Fumi, the IACE Travel representative, and she'll probably get back to me and tell me everything's fine with the transfer today, and that'll be it! As for the phone bill, I called Dad and he said I was going to get a SIZABLE Hanukkah present of cash deposited into my bank account TOMORROW. *YAY.* This will probably negate the need for me to deposit any of my future paychecks into my U.S. account, which will save money (because those kind of transfers always cost money. I didn't try to do it today at the bank, though WaMu has some sort of hook-up with Wells Fargo and Tokyo-Mitsubishi. I wonder if transferring through a bank is cheaper than through the post office? I know Golloyds or whatever is supposed to be the cheapest remittance, but I don't think I can use it or something.) So I'll be able to pay my phone bill on time, save my next two paychecks for HK and Tokyo (I need SOME money for the hostels, and of course, transportation and food in HK).

...So now I just need to build up the courage to eat FISH.

Because apparently if you don't eat pork here in Japan, or in Hong Kong, you MUST eat fish. I wonder what the percentage of vegetarians or vegans is in Asia... Probably extremely low.

I refuse to eat grasshoppers (or horse meat, or other varieties of bug), though. I don't care how delicious Kawashima-sensei says they are when they're covered in chocolate.

Also on the bright side, I might just be able to swing getting some presents for people online. I found this site that has a ton of coupon codes for all sorts of stores and websites (i.e. Amazon.com, Best Buy, etc.), but I don't want to get all excited over it until I look through it some more. So if you see another post on it soon, it's because I've approved of it and it's cool enough for me to want to tell everyone and their dog (or cat) about! So far it's looking good, what with coupons for 1-800 Flowers (which I use often) and even some CLOTHING stores, which might help for presents for a Certain Someone Who Shall Not Be Named. I still have to mail out packages and things like that, but generally I think I'm good. Mom'll be sending me macaroni and hot chocolate, and I'm hoarding my Kasumi discount cards and buying the cheap stuff late at night to save money. Yay for 9pm Late Night Sales! Now if only I could get a Suica card to save me time and money when buying train tickets. Maybe when I get paid this Friday, I'll buy a JR Seishun 18 Kippu so on the days baine and I are in Asakusa, I can get around easily. Unlimited travel on 5 days (doesn't need to be consecutive) during the travel period on all JR lines (shinkansen and super-express excepted), for only 11,500 yen! Not too bad, I'd say, especially considering you can spend 1/10 of that just on ONE-WAY to Tokyo from Mito (on the slow train).

BWAHAHAH! (I would like to point out that there is an unintentional TYPO on that quiz. If you can spot it and still get the "right" answer, my salutations to you!) I would also like to say that those kind of quizzes should be mandatory before allowing people to post fics on FFnet. If they can't pass something like that with a 60% or higher, they shouldn't be posting FICS on the 'Net, because really, Brain Bleach LTD. has enough customers as it is.

Also, Comic-Con 2007, hmm... one of the biggest, most packed cons EVAR. If I end up moving to San Diego, I would totally want to go. I'd have to register before Apr. 3 to get the best price, but I could totally pull it off if I were living in S.D. with Scott. Maybe I could even drag ask him if he would like to come along (hey, it's COMICS and SCI-FI *AND* ANIME! Something for the both of us!). That would be a dorky thing. But fun!

Well, speaking of guys, just what are appropriate gifts, anyway? I need to get Scott, my grandpa, and my dad something additional. I already got my dad two somethings that are "Japan-exclusive," but I'm stumped with my grandpa and Scott. I've already done the whole tie/wallet/gift card thing in the past, so that's out. Any ideas are welcome.

( And you thought the Mind Map was crazy looking! )

Baba and Grandpa wanted me to go Anonymous or use a sockpuppet account to defend myself or bash the wankers who bashed me, but I'm not going to waste the time or energy. I'm over it already.

GMail is acting funny. Searches take forever, and I'm getting timeout errors when I try to access my email with Thunderbird. Any other GMailers having issues? Maybe it's just my connection?

Scott shared something cool with me re: Pirates of the Caribbean. But I suppose there are some spoilers so ( here it is behind a cut. )

When updating weekly_ygo to the newest edition, I could only go 167 entries back on the Friends' page, no further. I tried going into the Customization options and changing the number of entries displayed to 100, but I guess it reverted to a default maximum of 50, and it wouldn't let me go past 167 even when I manually entered the number (?skip=180) in the URL. What the heck? Sorry if I miss any entries or anything, but I don't know what happened. :P Any ideas on how to fix it?

Uh... yup. I think I'm going to finally see Superman this weekend. But probably alone, unless Grandpa (and Baba???) want to come with me.

Dad's coming down in 2 weeks, and he's being nice to me again.

My room's still a mess though, and I need a better bookcase than this cardboard thing Debbie "sold" to me.

:) I love my friends.

Fuck it, I'm not F-locking this idiocy. You all want to know about the stupidity and immaturity of my dad? Fine, here it is. I suppose I'm being stupid and immature too, ranting about it here in my LJ, but it IS my personal bitch space, so I'm going to use it as such. If I was considering giving my dad a 2nd or 3rd (or umpteenth) chance after the debacle Passover week/end, I'm certainly not now.

I come downstairs to make dinner; Dad's on the phone. Baba says that he "wants to speak to the twit." I responded back (snappy, not angry or bitchy) that I don't answer calls from people who can't come up with anything better than monosyllabic insults. Of course, I ended up picking up the phone anyway, but instead of saying "Hi, how are you?" the first words out of his mouth are "I thought we agreed you wouldn't move the computer upstairs."

Er, no? When he mentioned my idea might not be such a good one, I took it into consideration. But the fact is, the family only comes over TWICE A YEAR, with the occasional stay-over from random relatives for a night or two --AT THE MOST. I am the one that uses the computer the most, for school work and for fun. I am the one that KEEPS IT RUNNING SMOOTHLY when the relatives visit and stupidly and unknowingly stuff the computer with viruses and spyware. They have done this on practically EVERY OCCASION without fail, my so-called DAD included.

I may not have paid for the computer itself, but let's see what I have paid for:
-Wireless adapter $50
-McAfee Suite 2006 $70
-Microsoft Office $89
-At least 3-5 bundles of 100pk blank CDs $15/ea.
-Macromedia Studio 8 $235
-At least 2 reams of paper $10
-At least 2 ink cartridges $58
-Wacom Tablet Mouse and Pen $99

And probably more I'm forgetting. Plus there are the things that didn't necessarily cost money, but took up time, and provide help, resources, or entertainment to everyone else who ever uses the comp:
-Symantec Anti-Virus Corporate Edition
-Games (like The Sims, which I did pay for; Doom, which I did pay for, etc.)
-Spyware removal (Lavasoft AdAware, Spybot S&D, Windows Defender, SP2, Windows Update)
-Belarc Advisor
-Drivers that support better audio and video
-Drivers to keep the existing hardware running smoothly
-Better media players
-Support for iPod and iTunes
-Support for downloading large episodes/movies, etc. (file downloaders)
-Firefox and Thunderbird + Extensions and chrome fixes
And on, and on...

On to the point, I told Dad that I asked Baba and Grandpa if it was okay before I did it. It took some convincing, but they agreed. Why? Because IT MAKES MORE SENSE.
a) It's less dusty up here
b) I won't bother anyone with lights on, noises playing and echoing off high ceilings, etc.
c) less bugs!
d) I actually am in MY ROOM, with the desk MADE for the computer, where I can go STRAIGHT to bed when I feel tired

Finally, Grandpa really doesn't use the computer much anyway. It's also an old piece of crap, but I'm slaving away keeping it running, even while I bog it down with Sims and music. I still streamline it by removing programs and files frequently, running scans, defragging, updating, and burning CDs. Grandpa LIKED the idea of getting himself a laptop. I would get my OWN laptop for Japan, paid for ENTIRELY with my own money-- the same way I paid for my LAST laptop!

I told Dad this -that I took into account what he said, but I still asked Baba and Grandpa, and it was fine with them. He keeps going back to how I supposedly "promised" (which I did not) that I wouldn't move the computer, as if he comes often enough for it to matter to him, or if he has any freakin' say about what goes on in the house, or what Baba, Grandpa, and I say or do. I told him that I would always listen to his good advice and help, but not his insults or arguments.

He hung up on me.

I don't care anymore. The idiot's getting worked up over a 5-year old computer that isn't his, that he doesn't maintain. He hardly knows how to do anything on computers outside of Firefox and AutoCAD, and maybe some MS Word. I AM TECH SUPPORT. It used to be a joke, but it's not now. It's my job. I know what I'm talking about. I'm constantly learning-- I love it, and I'm getting paid for it. I wouldn't want to go work at Dell or anything like that, but I hate how he treats me like I don't know anything about computers, this house, my grandparents, or what it means to be an adult.

I'm 21. I'm an adult. I'm a fully grown woman. I would appreciate having a parent in my life who cares about and for me, but obviously my father is not that person. So forget him. He's the one that's going to miss out-- NOT ME.

guardian_kysra! Okay, I have to admit, it's all pantsu_icons' fault. I found a Kaiba base in the first set of panty-stretching icons at the community (join! It's friends-locked, but SO WORTH IT!) and decided that it was inspirational. Or maybe your fic "Clean"/"UnClean" was the inspirational one, and the icon just fit?

In any case:
I think it's a bit fast in places... I don't know, I could go for 2+ opinions. I did get it under 40K though, so it's fully gankable, with credit to pantsu_icons and delishidoodle.

(I suppose this is my naughty way of thanking you for the delish b'day present. One day I'm going to have to icon that one...)

Ah, I think the drama with my dad is over. I called after class today and he picked up the phone. I didn't expect it, so I asked to speak to Grandpa to ask if I should get a ride home, or walk (it was still light out; I wouldn't have minded either way). Dad commented as he handed the phone away "Here, Meredith's not talking to me!"

Well, I said hi to him and Steve when I got home, and I helped Dad rent "The Ice Harvest" On-Demand. So he's not furious at me anymore, but like Baba said, no apology. I guess it's better if we let both our childish tantrums remain in the past, where they belong.

And you know what? I have no homework, so I feel like dueling. I hope immicolia is still online :}

Six years ago today-- on a Saturday, too, in fact, I got the worst news a ten year old could receive in her life. My half-sister Michelle died six years ago, and it changed who I was forever. I'm a different person because of it-- for better or for worse, and for the first time in all that time, I went to the place where she died.

It's called Land's End, and is basically a rounded cliffside that drops-- over 200 feet-- right into the Pacific Ocean. When Michelle died, it was shocking... unexpected, to say the least. She might have only been my half-sister, but she meant the world to me, and I had a hard time expressing it, because I was so childish. Like all people who lose someone, I had a million and one regrets-- things I wish I could have said, or could have taken back. I wish I could have apologized for that stupid argument the night before, wished I could have thanked her for all she'd ever done for me, and told her, above all, that I loved her.

Six years later, I'm still sad, but I guess the need to hide my sadness and loneliness isn't so great. My sister was the only one I could relate to about a lot of things, was the only one I could talk to when I had problems with boys, or mom, or my own friends. My mom didn't understand any of that.

When Michelle died, I felt the need to be strong for my mom-- not show any weakness. People passed by us, offering their apologies and condolences, but it all seemed so empty then. I kind of get irritated even now, when people get nervous just *asking* me about my sister, or when they do find out about her dying, say "sorry," as if it were their fault. I suppose it's only natural to react that way, since people who haven't experienced loss at such a young age (Michelle was only 19) don't know what to say-- they couldn't have known how it felt.

Over the years, there's a lot of things I wish I could talk to Michelle about... things I wish I could simply ask her, or maybe tell her. It tears at my conscience to try and imagine her voice in my head, and not come up with anything solid. All I have are memories, and they mean so much to me, good and bad alike.

When my sister died, there only seemed to be two people in my life who cared that *I* had lost someone too- my dad and my then-crush/boyfriend (if you can call it that in 5th grade, but that's another story), Chris. Chris is probably in Santa Cruz right now, doesn't even remember what DAY this is-- and we parted on bad terms, so I can't expect anything on his end. But I do kind of wish, even with all the hostility between my father and I that he would have called me today.

Even if he doesn't, in the last forty-five minutes there are LEFT of this day, I know that I take comfort in at least knowing that I *have* a father, whether he talks to me, thinks about me, cares about me at all, or not. I hope that he does call me one day-- or maybe write.

I know my sister didn't like him much-- even convinced me several times that my father was a downright bad person-- but now that both of them are out of my life, and Michelle is gone on a permanent basis, I can't help but want to talk to my father. If something happened to him, I'd still feel loss... regardless of us not talking in so long.

I'm glad my boyfriend was with me today. I found myself apologizing and saying thank you more times than I thought I would, and I especially thought he'd be uncomfortable with the whole idea of being with me on a day that held significance only for my mother and myself. We took a long walk all the way past the beach to Land's End, and just sat there for a while. I'm not ashamed anymore to say that I cried... I missed my sister, was angry at the world for taking her away from me, and was angry at myself for not saying what I should have that day six years ago. But the one thing that stays in my mind-- all this time-- is that you never know how much someone means to you until they are gone.

People hear that all the time, and never take it seriously enough. But it's true. People may lose grandparents, or distant relatives who die of old age, but when someone as young and close to you as a sister is suddenly *ripped* from your life, it's a greater shock than anyone can imagine. I told my boyfriend to go home today and tell his sister that he loved her. Even if she was mad, even if it didn't sound like he meant it, it would matter to her-- it would COUNT, in the end, regardless of how many days, weeks, months, or years passed between him saying that and the inevitability of death. 'It's the thought that counts' has never had more significance than now. So, unlike my other rant-like entries, I ask you, dear reader-- go home today-- or if you are home, leave this page, get up, and find a family member. Be it a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle... anyone. Walk up to them, hug them as tight as the both of you can stand, and tell them you love them. There doesn't need to be any celebration, or any explanation. But just telling them will make the day a bit brighter... even if it doesn't seem that way.