Life is...

Sorry Gump, but Life is not like a box of chocolates, where you never know what you're going to get. With a box of chocolates, you can look on the damn underside or the insert slip to know what you're going to get. Besides, no one wants chocolates that might have poisonous nuts or something in them-- so read the ingredients! In life though, there is no list of ingredients, no handy dandy "guide of what to expect." So if anything, life is like a bag of Halloween candy-- sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's rocky. Somtimes it gets old and stale, and every once in a while you might find something rare and amazing. As long as you don't try to do too much at once, or get upset over what you DON'T have... at least you walked away with something.

Life is like a hurricane.
Blame it on global warming.

Life is like an RPG.
There will be boring parts. There will be times when I'm walking through the forest, feeling frustrated, lost, and alone. There will be moments of random, and moments where everything feels like a battle. But I'll get my rewards --in sometime, in some form, someday.

Life is like a baking recipe.
You have to invest real time and the "proper" ingredients to get a semi-decent result. Even if you take liberties with what you put in, or don't follow someone else's guide, you know there's a certain way of doing certain things, or else you'll end up with flambé.

Life can make you feel like a puppet.
Sometimes you wonder who's pulling the strings. You don't feel in control, or maybe you know you're not, but you keep moving anyway. What makes the difference: trying to move, whether you're attempting to break free or not, or trying to be in control, even if there ARE things outside your control-- strings you can't break? Are you being manipulated or weak when you just "let things work out as they will," or is trying to influence things to your will just futilely resisting against a larger force? Is it better to be the lone rock or the wide ocean? How do you stay strong, stay true to yourself and your hopes and desires without having expectations, of yourself or of others? What is the middle ground between letting things work out as they will and doing what you want and making your own destiny?

Life is like a fanfiction.
There are plenty of characters, lots of drama, but I will always write my own ending.

What is life like? Make some more comparisons with explanations. I'm curious to see what others think.

( Blather blather blather! )

As the sun sets

It's actually well past sunset, but my subject line comes from Dido's song with the lyric "As the sun sets on Mary, it's rising on him/And we danced/And we laughed/And I probably got to see some things you never got the chance to see..."

I don't want to think that with the definite (though I will not say "permanent" since I don't know that) ending of my relationship with Scott means that one of us will move on completely and live an accomplished fulfilling life. The sun isn't setting on either of us just to rise on the other.

Scott has yet to send out his resumes, let alone get accepted at a school teaching somewhere in Japan and heading out any time soon. And in the meantime, we're staying friends. We're going to talk -though I can't say how often, and neither of us can guarantee the when or where. Above all else, it's important for the two of us to genuinely be honest with one another, and not think about how something might upset someone else. Sure, the me right now is thinking "If Scott ever told me he's seeing someone new, it could break me completely." But that's the me now, not the me that I hope to become-- focused on me, driven for my own needs, living my own life. That's not the me who I hope will be moved on, at least to the point where I'm not consumed by thoughts of Scott, wanting to be near him, please him, have him think this way about me, etc.

If we're meant to be together, then we'll find a way to be together again someday. If John and Jill did it, we can, too. But we're not copycats, and we're not statistics. Things will happen as they will-- come what may.

So even if I die tomorrow, I will say that I'm not sad. I'm still not sure just what I am, what I want to be, what I want to feel, or where I'm going. But I've learned a lot in my time with Scott, I've changed, and I hope other people can see that. My whole relationship with Scott's here on this LJ, from the day I met him to the day things ended-- and ended again, and again (and again. It's sad that there's really that many times we were "off and on" again, officially and unofficially, but I stopped caring for the "true" meaning or significance of those things a long time ago).

My time with Scott has been both the most trying and the most wonderful, incredible time of my life. I am truly blessed to count him among my friends, and I do hope we stay the best of friends throughout the coming years. Yes, part of me now can say "I wish that someday that friendship has the opportunity to turn into something more," but I won't hang onto that. Enough is "enough," for me. I won't expect more, or ask for more, or hope or wish for it. What I can get will be enough, and with that and just that, I can move on.

I believe in me.