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Why does stuff always happen before big events? I don't mean "stuff" like random, boring, everyday-life kind of things. I mean arguments and hard feelings, angst and drama. That sort of "stuff." But the big event (at least in my mind) is that Scott and I have at last made it to six months of being together, putting up with each other, and learning about each other. Well, as of tomorrow, anyway.
But last night, things just sort of went kablooey. Not completely or anything, and certainly not permanently, but I've been thinking about it probably far too much for my own good, and I have to vent. We were fine watching the Oscar's and everything-- of all the bets we placed, Scott won 8, I won 4, and the rest were either tied or no winner from our picks. This means I'm going to be making him food for a while, but no big deal-- I want to try improving my cooking to where he can eat it.
He was being wonderfully affectionate with me too, which is always welcome since 99.9% of the time, he's really quite reticent and serious. It's a good thing for someone that has a lot to concentrate on, I'm sure, but every now and then, it seems too much.
We've been spending the past week with each other practically non-stop, and while Scott mentioned it might be getting a bit stifling, with the way he was acting earlier last night, I would have thought "oh, one more night, and then I'll go back to sleeping in my own room."
See, the thing is, Scott and I aren't "allowed" to switch rooms. It pisses me off, but no one's on my side, so it's a battle not worth fighting. But to put it bluntly, I hate my room. It's small, it's cramped, it's dark, it's cold, it's ugly. I want to be in the big, bright, pink room Scott's in. I hate spending time in there, and while the prospect of redecorating is always fun and interesting, when will that happen? I don't know.
What it boils down to is that post-Oscars, I spent some time on the comp reformatting old Sailormoon fics, building up the old Lunar Nights page, and writing that entry from earlier about all my SM fics. The wined-and-dined affectionate Scott made two quick runs downstairs to kiss me, and then vanished for several hours. When I decided to call it a night, he was still working on assignments. I tried to hang out with him, talk, and maybe even be useful by editing a paper he had due. But he kept working, and I was slowly getting more and more tired, wondering if Scott had made another cruel (not horribly, heart-maimingly cruel, but MEAN nonetheless) joke in implying we'd spend one more night in each other's arms before getting all lost in schoolwork and the like.
Apparently so, or apparently I was just expecting too much of him-- again.
It led to a talk about how Scott doesn't want to get to the point where he feels sick of me, dependent on me, etc. It makes sense-- everything he says always does, even when his speeches are peppered with "essentially that" and "you need to understand..." So I calmed down to the point where I didn't just want to storm out and leave. I sat, I listened. What he said made sense, and I couldn't do anything to get the sweet, affectionate Scott from earlier back. Whoop-dee-doo. I went to sleep, hoping Scott would at least mean what he said about seeing me in the morning.
NOOOO! I heard a car starting up at 7:30, and guess who? It was Scott leaving, without so much as a goodbye. No note, no anything. And of the note I left on his door saying "*kiss* :)?" was gone, now on his computer speaker. I didn't know what to make of that.
I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but it does hurt me. Maybe I'm just being overly emotional again, because I want tomorrow to be a big deal to him, and so far we haven't really done anything for our anniversaries. This is the first "big deal one," and I want it to be a big deal to him, too.
Blah, who the hell knows. I plan on going to the Matathon meeting after class, go home, and park myself in front of the comp and watch Sailormoon all day. Sorry, Eva, I need my marathon fix now. A few essays and some reading to do, and then I'm done for the night.
Finally, I still can't figure out why my layout is all f*d up in IE6/Avant, and pamelajoy hasn't gotten back to me yet. If anyone with experience in Opal wants to help, please do! Or point me in the right direction...
But last night, things just sort of went kablooey. Not completely or anything, and certainly not permanently, but I've been thinking about it probably far too much for my own good, and I have to vent. We were fine watching the Oscar's and everything-- of all the bets we placed, Scott won 8, I won 4, and the rest were either tied or no winner from our picks. This means I'm going to be making him food for a while, but no big deal-- I want to try improving my cooking to where he can eat it.
He was being wonderfully affectionate with me too, which is always welcome since 99.9% of the time, he's really quite reticent and serious. It's a good thing for someone that has a lot to concentrate on, I'm sure, but every now and then, it seems too much.
We've been spending the past week with each other practically non-stop, and while Scott mentioned it might be getting a bit stifling, with the way he was acting earlier last night, I would have thought "oh, one more night, and then I'll go back to sleeping in my own room."
See, the thing is, Scott and I aren't "allowed" to switch rooms. It pisses me off, but no one's on my side, so it's a battle not worth fighting. But to put it bluntly, I hate my room. It's small, it's cramped, it's dark, it's cold, it's ugly. I want to be in the big, bright, pink room Scott's in. I hate spending time in there, and while the prospect of redecorating is always fun and interesting, when will that happen? I don't know.
What it boils down to is that post-Oscars, I spent some time on the comp reformatting old Sailormoon fics, building up the old Lunar Nights page, and writing that entry from earlier about all my SM fics. The wined-and-dined affectionate Scott made two quick runs downstairs to kiss me, and then vanished for several hours. When I decided to call it a night, he was still working on assignments. I tried to hang out with him, talk, and maybe even be useful by editing a paper he had due. But he kept working, and I was slowly getting more and more tired, wondering if Scott had made another cruel (not horribly, heart-maimingly cruel, but MEAN nonetheless) joke in implying we'd spend one more night in each other's arms before getting all lost in schoolwork and the like.
Apparently so, or apparently I was just expecting too much of him-- again.
It led to a talk about how Scott doesn't want to get to the point where he feels sick of me, dependent on me, etc. It makes sense-- everything he says always does, even when his speeches are peppered with "essentially that" and "you need to understand..." So I calmed down to the point where I didn't just want to storm out and leave. I sat, I listened. What he said made sense, and I couldn't do anything to get the sweet, affectionate Scott from earlier back. Whoop-dee-doo. I went to sleep, hoping Scott would at least mean what he said about seeing me in the morning.
NOOOO! I heard a car starting up at 7:30, and guess who? It was Scott leaving, without so much as a goodbye. No note, no anything. And of the note I left on his door saying "*kiss* :)?" was gone, now on his computer speaker. I didn't know what to make of that.
I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but it does hurt me. Maybe I'm just being overly emotional again, because I want tomorrow to be a big deal to him, and so far we haven't really done anything for our anniversaries. This is the first "big deal one," and I want it to be a big deal to him, too.
Blah, who the hell knows. I plan on going to the Matathon meeting after class, go home, and park myself in front of the comp and watch Sailormoon all day. Sorry, Eva, I need my marathon fix now. A few essays and some reading to do, and then I'm done for the night.
Finally, I still can't figure out why my layout is all f*d up in IE6/Avant, and pamelajoy hasn't gotten back to me yet. If anyone with experience in Opal wants to help, please do! Or point me in the right direction...
