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azuriteWhy does stuff always happen before big events? I don't mean "stuff" like random, boring, everyday-life kind of things. I mean arguments and hard feelings, angst and drama. That sort of "stuff." But the big event (at least in my mind) is that Scott and I have at last made it to six months of being together, putting up with each other, and learning about each other. Well, as of tomorrow, anyway.
But last night, things just sort of went kablooey. Not completely or anything, and certainly not permanently, but I've been thinking about it probably far too much for my own good, and I have to vent. We were fine watching the Oscar's and everything-- of all the bets we placed, Scott won 8, I won 4, and the rest were either tied or no winner from our picks. This means I'm going to be making him food for a while, but no big deal-- I want to try improving my cooking to where he can eat it.
He was being wonderfully affectionate with me too, which is always welcome since 99.9% of the time, he's really quite reticent and serious. It's a good thing for someone that has a lot to concentrate on, I'm sure, but every now and then, it seems too much.
We've been spending the past week with each other practically non-stop, and while Scott mentioned it might be getting a bit stifling, with the way he was acting earlier last night, I would have thought "oh, one more night, and then I'll go back to sleeping in my own room."
See, the thing is, Scott and I aren't "allowed" to switch rooms. It pisses me off, but no one's on my side, so it's a battle not worth fighting. But to put it bluntly, I hate my room. It's small, it's cramped, it's dark, it's cold, it's ugly. I want to be in the big, bright, pink room Scott's in. I hate spending time in there, and while the prospect of redecorating is always fun and interesting, when will that happen? I don't know.
What it boils down to is that post-Oscars, I spent some time on the comp reformatting old Sailormoon fics, building up the old Lunar Nights page, and writing that entry from earlier about all my SM fics. The wined-and-dined affectionate Scott made two quick runs downstairs to kiss me, and then vanished for several hours. When I decided to call it a night, he was still working on assignments. I tried to hang out with him, talk, and maybe even be useful by editing a paper he had due. But he kept working, and I was slowly getting more and more tired, wondering if Scott had made another cruel (not horribly, heart-maimingly cruel, but MEAN nonetheless) joke in implying we'd spend one more night in each other's arms before getting all lost in schoolwork and the like.
Apparently so, or apparently I was just expecting too much of him-- again.
It led to a talk about how Scott doesn't want to get to the point where he feels sick of me, dependent on me, etc. It makes sense-- everything he says always does, even when his speeches are peppered with "essentially that" and "you need to understand..." So I calmed down to the point where I didn't just want to storm out and leave. I sat, I listened. What he said made sense, and I couldn't do anything to get the sweet, affectionate Scott from earlier back. Whoop-dee-doo. I went to sleep, hoping Scott would at least mean what he said about seeing me in the morning.
NOOOO! I heard a car starting up at 7:30, and guess who? It was Scott leaving, without so much as a goodbye. No note, no anything. And of the note I left on his door saying "*kiss* :)?" was gone, now on his computer speaker. I didn't know what to make of that.
I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but it does hurt me. Maybe I'm just being overly emotional again, because I want tomorrow to be a big deal to him, and so far we haven't really done anything for our anniversaries. This is the first "big deal one," and I want it to be a big deal to him, too.
Blah, who the hell knows. I plan on going to the Matathon meeting after class, go home, and park myself in front of the comp and watch Sailormoon all day. Sorry, Eva, I need my marathon fix now. A few essays and some reading to do, and then I'm done for the night.
Finally, I still can't figure out why my layout is all f*d up in IE6/Avant, and pamelajoy hasn't gotten back to me yet. If anyone with experience in Opal wants to help, please do! Or point me in the right direction...
But last night, things just sort of went kablooey. Not completely or anything, and certainly not permanently, but I've been thinking about it probably far too much for my own good, and I have to vent. We were fine watching the Oscar's and everything-- of all the bets we placed, Scott won 8, I won 4, and the rest were either tied or no winner from our picks. This means I'm going to be making him food for a while, but no big deal-- I want to try improving my cooking to where he can eat it.
He was being wonderfully affectionate with me too, which is always welcome since 99.9% of the time, he's really quite reticent and serious. It's a good thing for someone that has a lot to concentrate on, I'm sure, but every now and then, it seems too much.
We've been spending the past week with each other practically non-stop, and while Scott mentioned it might be getting a bit stifling, with the way he was acting earlier last night, I would have thought "oh, one more night, and then I'll go back to sleeping in my own room."
See, the thing is, Scott and I aren't "allowed" to switch rooms. It pisses me off, but no one's on my side, so it's a battle not worth fighting. But to put it bluntly, I hate my room. It's small, it's cramped, it's dark, it's cold, it's ugly. I want to be in the big, bright, pink room Scott's in. I hate spending time in there, and while the prospect of redecorating is always fun and interesting, when will that happen? I don't know.
What it boils down to is that post-Oscars, I spent some time on the comp reformatting old Sailormoon fics, building up the old Lunar Nights page, and writing that entry from earlier about all my SM fics. The wined-and-dined affectionate Scott made two quick runs downstairs to kiss me, and then vanished for several hours. When I decided to call it a night, he was still working on assignments. I tried to hang out with him, talk, and maybe even be useful by editing a paper he had due. But he kept working, and I was slowly getting more and more tired, wondering if Scott had made another cruel (not horribly, heart-maimingly cruel, but MEAN nonetheless) joke in implying we'd spend one more night in each other's arms before getting all lost in schoolwork and the like.
Apparently so, or apparently I was just expecting too much of him-- again.
It led to a talk about how Scott doesn't want to get to the point where he feels sick of me, dependent on me, etc. It makes sense-- everything he says always does, even when his speeches are peppered with "essentially that" and "you need to understand..." So I calmed down to the point where I didn't just want to storm out and leave. I sat, I listened. What he said made sense, and I couldn't do anything to get the sweet, affectionate Scott from earlier back. Whoop-dee-doo. I went to sleep, hoping Scott would at least mean what he said about seeing me in the morning.
NOOOO! I heard a car starting up at 7:30, and guess who? It was Scott leaving, without so much as a goodbye. No note, no anything. And of the note I left on his door saying "*kiss* :)?" was gone, now on his computer speaker. I didn't know what to make of that.
I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but it does hurt me. Maybe I'm just being overly emotional again, because I want tomorrow to be a big deal to him, and so far we haven't really done anything for our anniversaries. This is the first "big deal one," and I want it to be a big deal to him, too.
Blah, who the hell knows. I plan on going to the Matathon meeting after class, go home, and park myself in front of the comp and watch Sailormoon all day. Sorry, Eva, I need my marathon fix now. A few essays and some reading to do, and then I'm done for the night.
Finally, I still can't figure out why my layout is all f*d up in IE6/Avant, and pamelajoy hasn't gotten back to me yet. If anyone with experience in Opal wants to help, please do! Or point me in the right direction...
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-28 11:07 pm (UTC)From the way he's reacting, I think he was trying to impy the "" I hope he isn't, but as a guy if I did that, that's what I would be trying to say. Then again, maybe he's just totally clueless of how you're feeling about it.
I'd just like to add this part in too. That was astronomically [can't think of a better word to use...] tolerant, patient, and quite arguably a nobel leveled act of NOT losing your temper and walking out. Personally, I don't know HOW you managed it... But you didn't walk out on him even when he was royally annoying you. You stayed and listened to him. THAT is going to help you two out IMMENSELY.
I don't know what he was doing... But I don't know how heartless that was to NOT wait for you to wake up... If you put the note up there for him, he should've waited. Or at LEAST woken you up or left a note himself... Heartless.
Anywho, enough of my meaningless babble: Woot! ^_^ Sailor Moon marathon!! When's it coming on and on waht station!?!?! I wanna see!!! Yeah, I'd help with the journal setting and such, but I wouldn't know the first thing about fixing it... >_< Oh, I'm reading the "WDKY" in my spare time. WOOT! I finished the first chapter... Very cool! I swear, I could pictutre EVERYTHING and part of that. It was SO believeable! I rolled over off my chair when I read this part, [not sure if I remember it right...]
"Kaiba: The Bathroom's upstairs to the left. *exits around corner*
Tea: *throws towel over left shoulder* And what's THAT supposed to mean?
Kaiba: *head reappears with raised eyebrow* You stink."
WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Man, that's the funniest thing ever!! -shockman
Yep, I think...
Date: 2005-03-01 06:14 am (UTC)I almost walked out twice-- but I didn't. I think that was pretty mature of me, but there are probably more than enough times when I don't act as mature and he rolls his eyes at me, and wonders why he decided to get involved with a younger girl.
I wouldn't say it was "heartless" of him not to say anything or even leave a note, but I do feel like I was a bit lied to, even if it's not over something so big. I don't want to angst over something that isn't important.
Finally, nope, no Sailormoon marathon on TV-- I have the first 2 seasons uncut on DVD, and I plan on watching them soon. I'm running out of things to do here on the comp-- layouts are a big pain, I'm not too much in the mood for writing... so why not pork out and watch TV with the 2 hours or so I have left? Meh.
I do wish I could inject WDKY with some more humor, but it'll have to wait until Chapter 17 or so-- I just posted 15, so you have some intensive catching up to do!
Re: Yep, I think...
Date: 2005-03-01 08:02 am (UTC)Well, now I'm getting a MUCH better picture of this... if Scott's older than you by several years [I'm not gonna speculate or get judgmental here...] but that's a problem... Might not be a big one, but there's always gonna be an "I know more than youa nd I'm teaching you" attitude from him to you. It's not your fault and most likely not really his. It's just what happens with age difference.
As far as not saying anything, yes it was EXTREMELY [THAT's the word I wanted XD] mature of you to not say anything. Yes it is immature of him to roll his eyes at you... That's something 15 year olds do fer crying out loud...
No marathon? Nuts... >_< I love that show too. Well, eeryone deserves a break. Some more than others... *points to you*
That WDKY is good! I read it when I can. I'd print it out if I could... I like it though. It's got the humor like the "wire-fu" and such. It's cool. ^_^ -shockman
no subject
Date: 2005-03-01 03:06 pm (UTC)And sometimes the other person just isn't so big on celebrating milestones. Especially if he's as busy as u say he is. Doesn't mean that he's forgotten or doesn't think it's important, just actually breaking out the bells and whistles may not be his thing. Bottom line, don't always expect him to feel and do the exact same things u do.