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Shout, shout, let it all out
Dec. 30th, 2004 03:08 amOkay, so I might have just screwed something up with Scott-- again. Funny how I can manage that sort of thing even via IM. So we're exchanging pictures and links and the like, and he asks me if I want to see a picture of him (topless, no less!) from about a year ago. I go, sure, of course-- why would I say no, honestly? But then the link-- it's from Carolyn. You remember her? The girl he was madly in love with, and is still "friends" with-- and who did, admittedly, hook him up with a potential photography job with Hustler, but...
Look, I know I'm the jealous sort. But would it kill Scott to be jealous of some of my past, too? He never even ASKS about it. I feel uncomfortable when he talks about his past, but I already know about Harvard Girl AND Carolyn, and does he even know about ONE of my exes? No. He knows merely that I regret who I had my first time with, and that's it.
Moreover, he doesn't seem to understand why I'm jealous-- men never get these things, do they?
1 - It's Carolyn. For a girl who's supposedly engaged to someone else, over him, and he's over her (and they're just "friends") why does she still have a half-naked picture of him on her site?
2 - On that same tangent, if it's a picture OF him from a year ago (smiling, too) then I wonder who TOOK the picture!? Gee. I wonder. -_-
I know Scott loves me and everything, but I can't help feeling insecure every now and then whenever he brings her up. He relies on her for rides, for editing, for all this stuff that he wouldn't even think to talk to me about. What about teaching ME to drive, or asking ME for help with editing, hm? Just because she works for Larry Flynt automatically makes her the golden girl, huh?
*sigh* I hate going to bed with this sort of weight on my mind, so I'm just ranting here.
There is a fantastically bright side to this night-- Kysra and Atlantis are both done (or in the latter's case, almost done) with WDKY14, and Kysra's comments have me nothing short of glowing. So if I keep those in mind before going to sleep, or plucking limes off mental lime tree for Chapter 16, all should be well.
...Damn it. I hate it when I screw things up like this, even when we both apologize. But he's all "some things just take longer to get over," implying my jealousy over Carolyn. Truth: my jealousy HAS subsided, substantially so, but every time he mentions her, it's like he's stabbing me in the chest. >_< GAAAH!
Look, I know I'm the jealous sort. But would it kill Scott to be jealous of some of my past, too? He never even ASKS about it. I feel uncomfortable when he talks about his past, but I already know about Harvard Girl AND Carolyn, and does he even know about ONE of my exes? No. He knows merely that I regret who I had my first time with, and that's it.
Moreover, he doesn't seem to understand why I'm jealous-- men never get these things, do they?
1 - It's Carolyn. For a girl who's supposedly engaged to someone else, over him, and he's over her (and they're just "friends") why does she still have a half-naked picture of him on her site?
2 - On that same tangent, if it's a picture OF him from a year ago (smiling, too) then I wonder who TOOK the picture!? Gee. I wonder. -_-
I know Scott loves me and everything, but I can't help feeling insecure every now and then whenever he brings her up. He relies on her for rides, for editing, for all this stuff that he wouldn't even think to talk to me about. What about teaching ME to drive, or asking ME for help with editing, hm? Just because she works for Larry Flynt automatically makes her the golden girl, huh?
*sigh* I hate going to bed with this sort of weight on my mind, so I'm just ranting here.
There is a fantastically bright side to this night-- Kysra and Atlantis are both done (or in the latter's case, almost done) with WDKY14, and Kysra's comments have me nothing short of glowing. So if I keep those in mind before going to sleep, or plucking limes off mental lime tree for Chapter 16, all should be well.
...Damn it. I hate it when I screw things up like this, even when we both apologize. But he's all "some things just take longer to get over," implying my jealousy over Carolyn. Truth: my jealousy HAS subsided, substantially so, but every time he mentions her, it's like he's stabbing me in the chest. >_< GAAAH!
