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It's almost New Year's Eve, and...
Dec. 31st, 2004 04:42 am...I have no plans. None. I want to go to Marc's thing in Daly City if I can (it means hooking up a ride with someone else, or maybe taking Bart and walking a distance), but I'm not even sure if I'm invited. Something would be better than nothing, and no one's told me anything as of yet.
Meanwhile, I'm about to post WDKY14 and FFnet decides to go all screwy on me. So, for the first time, I'm posting it ELSEWHERE first. That is, on MMorg and on my azurite_updates ML. Bwaha, it pays to have some measure of exclusivity, ne? I'll try and finish WDKY15 and 16 by tonight, but I know they'll need beta'ing (my "supposedly great" 14 needed much of it). That means that, given it's New Year's (about), I won't be able to post them until AFTER the New Year... bummer. Unless Mamono/Atlantis/Kysra/Harlequine are online any time within the next few hours and I can FINISH in that period of time... We'll see.
Aside from that? No word from Scott. I know he went back to San Diego today, but that's a measly two-hour or so drive from Hollywood. Three if there's traffic. I know he's on No-Cell usage now, having come close to using up his minutes and messages... but no email, no IMs? I'm too clingy, I guess. BUT NO! I will not self-deprecate myself over a guy. I'm strong, dagnabbit! Of course, I just happen to be in love with this particular guy, so...
Scott called me some hours ago, and the first words he said were "I'm sorry." I'm impressed, flattered, and horribly guilty. We talked for a while, and I finally admitted why his picture being on Carolyn's site made me so insecure. It's not that I think he'll start something with her, or vice-versa, it's just that it's odd having a half-naked picture of your boyfriend (SMILING) on a website that belongs to his ex-girlfriend. Then I discover what I thought in the back of my mind when I first saw the link-- it's her photography portfolio. So while it still bugs me just a bit, it's OKAY. I can't ask her to take it down or anything-- I mean, I might be a bit jealous or selfish, but I'm not a vindictive bitch. There's more to it than that, of course... but I guess that's for later. Anyway, onwards:
I know I can't change the past and so on, but every now and then I wish I served more of a "purpose" in Scott's life, the way Carolyn does. But then, Scott never hesitates to point out that both he and Carolyn are "adults" (I'm still a "teenager") and therefore when he says he doesn't think of her that way anymore, and that he doesn't waste his energy being upset over the past, he means it. He also means it when he says he loves me, and if I don't believe it, then maybe we shouldn't be going out. That wasn't a threat or anything, but he's right. But I'm a cynic due to my past, which, as I said, he doesn't ask about.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
svelterose, you were right-- if he doesn't know to ask, he won't. He doesn't seem to know what questions to ask, so I'll give him the opportunity once he gets here. 20 days and counting... I can't wait. ^_^
For every bad thing, there is a good thing of equal or greater value. So goes the Hopeful Shopper Creed. I'll be getting close to $2,000 from financial aid this year-- that is, LEFTOVER MONEY not going to tuition. A good chunk of that will be going toward books and my passport, but the rest-- yes, you guessed it, I'm going ahead with my dream plan, and I AM GOING TO JAPAN FOR MY 20th BIRTHDAY! I'm determined. I've found the perfect travel agency, and the prices are reasonable for everything included... plus if I need extra cash, I still have my GoldenState Scholarship worth $1,111. There's also pestering people to help me with my dream of going to Japan, or getting a "hey, I'll be in Japan, pay me and I'll (insert activity here) while I'm there" hook-up. I have yet to figure out what my Cal Grant will be though, since that is likely to replace my University Grant...
Question! So do you get a new PIN every year when you fill out a Renewal FAFSA? I don't remember my old PIN (it's in LA), but I read off my school FinAid site that the Dept. of Education emails you a Renewal PIN by Jan. 15th-- which is good, since the sooner you fill it out, the more money you're apt to getting. And with my great GPA this year, I should be a shoo-in for at least ONE Cal Grant. ^_^
I'm almost done with Chapter 15, but I still need to get some sleep (read: nap time) before I wake up to meet Crystal and everyone at her house. What is it again... 13#? between Lake and California? Er, I hope I can find it. I can always check my email again for the exact address. Yeah. My stomach feels empty, probably because all I've had to eat in the past 24 hours are two bowls of oatmeal. Er, time to whip up something quick. Eggs, maybe? We'll see.
Meanwhile, I'm about to post WDKY14 and FFnet decides to go all screwy on me. So, for the first time, I'm posting it ELSEWHERE first. That is, on MMorg and on my azurite_updates ML. Bwaha, it pays to have some measure of exclusivity, ne? I'll try and finish WDKY15 and 16 by tonight, but I know they'll need beta'ing (my "supposedly great" 14 needed much of it). That means that, given it's New Year's (about), I won't be able to post them until AFTER the New Year... bummer. Unless Mamono/Atlantis/Kysra/Harlequine are online any time within the next few hours and I can FINISH in that period of time... We'll see.
Scott called me some hours ago, and the first words he said were "I'm sorry." I'm impressed, flattered, and horribly guilty. We talked for a while, and I finally admitted why his picture being on Carolyn's site made me so insecure. It's not that I think he'll start something with her, or vice-versa, it's just that it's odd having a half-naked picture of your boyfriend (SMILING) on a website that belongs to his ex-girlfriend. Then I discover what I thought in the back of my mind when I first saw the link-- it's her photography portfolio. So while it still bugs me just a bit, it's OKAY. I can't ask her to take it down or anything-- I mean, I might be a bit jealous or selfish, but I'm not a vindictive bitch. There's more to it than that, of course... but I guess that's for later. Anyway, onwards:
I know I can't change the past and so on, but every now and then I wish I served more of a "purpose" in Scott's life, the way Carolyn does. But then, Scott never hesitates to point out that both he and Carolyn are "adults" (I'm still a "teenager") and therefore when he says he doesn't think of her that way anymore, and that he doesn't waste his energy being upset over the past, he means it. He also means it when he says he loves me, and if I don't believe it, then maybe we shouldn't be going out. That wasn't a threat or anything, but he's right. But I'm a cynic due to my past, which, as I said, he doesn't ask about.
svelterose, you were right-- if he doesn't know to ask, he won't. He doesn't seem to know what questions to ask, so I'll give him the opportunity once he gets here. 20 days and counting... I can't wait. ^_^For every bad thing, there is a good thing of equal or greater value. So goes the Hopeful Shopper Creed. I'll be getting close to $2,000 from financial aid this year-- that is, LEFTOVER MONEY not going to tuition. A good chunk of that will be going toward books and my passport, but the rest-- yes, you guessed it, I'm going ahead with my dream plan, and I AM GOING TO JAPAN FOR MY 20th BIRTHDAY! I'm determined. I've found the perfect travel agency, and the prices are reasonable for everything included... plus if I need extra cash, I still have my GoldenState Scholarship worth $1,111. There's also pestering people to help me with my dream of going to Japan, or getting a "hey, I'll be in Japan, pay me and I'll (insert activity here) while I'm there" hook-up. I have yet to figure out what my Cal Grant will be though, since that is likely to replace my University Grant...
Question! So do you get a new PIN every year when you fill out a Renewal FAFSA? I don't remember my old PIN (it's in LA), but I read off my school FinAid site that the Dept. of Education emails you a Renewal PIN by Jan. 15th-- which is good, since the sooner you fill it out, the more money you're apt to getting. And with my great GPA this year, I should be a shoo-in for at least ONE Cal Grant. ^_^
I'm almost done with Chapter 15, but I still need to get some sleep (read: nap time) before I wake up to meet Crystal and everyone at her house. What is it again... 13#? between Lake and California? Er, I hope I can find it. I can always check my email again for the exact address. Yeah. My stomach feels empty, probably because all I've had to eat in the past 24 hours are two bowls of oatmeal. Er, time to whip up something quick. Eggs, maybe? We'll see.
