Losing my grip

Back in the Collabatory (no, it's not the Compulabratory), and I'm once again on a timer... 4:30 I go back to the health clinic to get my lab results. Yes, I went today... I guess I felt a bit better with Scott there, even though it's useless for him to be there, really. I mean, it's my body, my appointment-- you'd think he wouldn't even WANT to care, so it's pretty trippy for me for him to... well, care.

I was surprised he even met me outside of CAD class. See, I have this theory that once I imagine something happen, there's probably slim to no chance that it will. I have a very vivid imagination and very bad luck, you see, so the two combine to make me a very hopeless sort of individual. Perfect for writing fanfiction, actually. I mean, he was so busy yesterday we didn't meet, and he never called back, so I was kind of bummed/angry. And then I saw him sitting there, but I already had my headphones and backpack on... I wanted to just walk out of there and pretend I'd never seen him.

I don't even know why.

I waited outside though, wondering if he saw ME leave. It was awkward-- we walked to the Oviatt and had lunch out on the side bench. It's not as private a place as I would have liked, especially considering our sole topic of conversation. I told him the truth-- come this Friday, it'll have been 7 weeks since my last period, and YES, I am freaked out.

I don't feel stressed, but I asked him if I looked stressed, and he said I did. I'm surprised, but I guess I have every right to be on edge. Until 4:30, anyway. My chest kind of hurts, and my wrists are sore (stupid backpack straps), but... I think I'm gonna be okay. I really have to believe in that, above all else. This is supposed to be an exciting, fun month, and if my horoscope (which has been scarily accurate, given that it's a school paper) has anything to say about it, I shouldn't lose my temper. I just have to KEEP my grip, and relax. However possible.

I turned in Page 2 of my outline, I'm here to work on my Media Notebook, revise my Geography notes, and whatever else I can get done (Japanese research). Tomorrow I should get the 3-fold presentation board and some black ink... this week will be over soon enough. Anime club and a party at Scott's come Friday. And who knows, maybe I'll get to meet his fraternal twin brother Ryan?

I should look forward to Halloween and my wicked cool costume idea. I should try and calm myself with a scented bath or something. I need incense.

Anyway, I better get to work before my wrist cramps up on me.

...wish me luck?

And everybody say...

YATTA!

Okay, so I have a clean bill of health. You know what that means. I still have an appointment tomorrow at one to find out why I'm nearly six weeks without a period, and over two weeks late from when I should have gotten it. Stress, maybe? Who knows.

The little Evil Green Mer resurfaced, and this isn't the one you'd like to appear. She's not a writing muse, nor a whip-cracking motivator. She's a jealous little bitch who likes to jump to conclusions, and doesn't like it when other girls --even if they're long-time "friends"-- touch her boyfriend in one of those nice, masseuse-y ways.

Look, it's one thing if:
a) Scott and Carolyn traveled Thailand together
b) Scott and Carolyn were roommates/house mates last year
c) they're still good friends
d) she'd just touched his hand or whatever

But come on, a shoulder massage? And right in front of me?! -_-; Yeah, so I got a bit jealous. I didn't say anything or make any faces though. Carolyn's a nice, admirable girl, but what is she trying to pull exactly? I hate being jealous... I want to be able to trust my own boyfriend for Pete's sake.

I stayed at the Oviatt until 8:30, since Scott had class still 9. I finally finished my second Media Notebook entry-- it went from 9 pages to 16. Scott had good timing too-- right as I was about to go to the Media Reserve to work on my Geography notes, he came... so we headed to Sierra Hall's History Research Center to pick up Tony and Carolyn before heading out to the car in the "boonies," or over on Shoshone and Prairie, several blocks from school.

I think I neglected to mention something that might actually be stressing or upsetting me.

Scott's going to Thailand.

Of course, he got his ticket way back when, when he started working at the bookstore. And he's going for New Year's, so it's not like he'll be missing any strictly important holidays with me or his family or anything... *shrug* I guess, I don't know, I've always been kind of bummed that I've never had anyone to kiss on New Year's. And I mean someone that I actually like that way. Unless I have a screwed up memory or something... *sigh*

I don't even know if we're going to spend a fraction of our Winter holiday together-- maybe beforehand for Christmas, or after when he gets back? I'd like to at least see him off to the airport or something cheesy like that. But then, there's obligations to family. Maybe I'll be going back to San Francisco (I'm only half happy about that. I like the city in the winter, but... I really don't want to go back there) or something. At least, I'd like to spend part of Thanksgiving weekend with Scott, since after that there'll be so much taking up our time. At least we'll both be in San Diego...

I don't know.

Oh yeah, and I'm in the midst of a semi-ridiculous argument with a certain someone *cough*yami_jhoney*cough* about fanfiction. This person claims to have not been in school for years, yet refuses to do any sort of research for fanfiction, proofreading for incorrect punctuation, or pre-reading on publishing sites like Fanfiction.Net to follow guidelines and publishing criteria in regards to format changing. She also uses double negatives and non-existent (and there is a difference between non-existent and non-standard) words. -_- I HATE TROLLS.

I should start my fast soon, so that I can go back to Kaiser and get that silly blood test done and over with. That's my motto for this week: "Do it and get it over with." I still have to do my reading for Speech tomorrow, and maybe some last minute Geography reading. Maybe I should just ask Grandpa to drop me off at school early...

Dammit, I hate WordPerfect. It always freezes when I have to print!!! >_