Good things come in electronic packages

Okay, so I asked and I recieved. I wanted something cool to brighten up my day, and albeit, I didn't win the lottery or anything, but there is a plus side to this week so far. It brightens me up enough to start seeing the glass not as half-empty, but as a glass with something IN it. That's halfway there, right? Hehe... >_> Anyway, so after I ranted and railed about the badness of today, I checked my email-- lo and behold, my dad emailed me back!

I emailed him yesterday about my graduation, about wanting to go see him this summer, and missing Petaluma and the cool BBQs and fireworks celebrations we used to have in the summer. I also miss my dog (but who's since been put to sleep, I assume, not "sent to a farm in Oregon") and picking blackberries from my backyard, but there's things you just can't get back.

Anyway, so he emailed me back saying he'd be HAPPY to come to my graduation-- and he's been busy too, getting his teaching degree at Humboldt University (!) and working volunteer at Petaluma High (their mascot is the Trojan. Why schools decide to name themselves after a) a losing army or b) a condom brand is beyond me) and working full-time at Apogee Sound. ^_^ I'm very proud of him. My dad's a teacher! I think that's so cool!

So he's coming to my graduation-- he just doesn't want anything to do with my mom, which I'm sure is a mutual feeling and is fine (perfectly understandable and expected) by me. Brooke's (my cousin) graduation from UCSC is coming up-- she's graduating with TWO MASTERS! WOW! I've always admired Brooke out of all my female cousins-- she's not so self-centered as other cousins whom shall go unnamed. Don't get me wrong, I love all my relatives, but Brooke's always been the one to be nice to me even when I don't have Hanukkah presents for anyone; she always tells me about what's going on in her life, she complains about lifetoo, and she doesn't whine when she doesn't have $40 to buy a new pair of shoes that very minute. Her fiancee is very nice too. So all in all, I'm very happy for her... and can't wait for her graduation. Here's hoping Dad will drive me to Santa Cruz, because I have no idea how I'd get there otherwise.

And not to mention she's getting married in Fresno in September, and Dad told me that Baba is financing a super-special shopping spree for me and my Dad's girlfriend, Kathy! WHEE! No hand-me-downs! (At Fred's wedding, I had to wear this UGLY polka dot skirt and one of Erin's old LOW-CUT peach t-shirts. Suffice it to say, I did NOT like it)

On the plus side, I'm actually eating today-- for some reason, I haven't been eating as much as usual, and though I *feel* hungry, I just can't eat that much. But today I had a huge sandwich for lunch (thank god the guys at WashHouse let me get away with being 25 cents short) and a Sprite to help my throat some. And right now I'm on my second helping of Chinese from last night-- already done with the box of rice and egg-rolls, and there's only a little sweet n sour chicken left! YAY! I just wish Mom went shopping for food more often-- all we have to drink is milk and ginger ale (blech!) and for food... well, there's no more breakfast food left (no waffles, no muffins, no scones, no cereal!) and not much else either. -.- Despite my recent spending spree, I hope she gives me lunch money tomorrow!

Finished reading my other SVU book-- Sweet Valley University, that is. I tried to give Steph back her copy of the SVU Thriller #6: The Roommate today, but she didn't want it anymore. ^^; But after reading the two of them, I'm getting back into that sort of thing... and in this particular volume, #36: Have You Heard About Elizabeth?, they mention the "Denver Center for Investigative Reporting," which Elizabeth is trying to get into! I wonder if it really exists-- it sounds pretty cool and challenging... >_> *wanders off to look up Sweet Valley online*

Wow, there's a bunch of books I haven't read yet! I'll definitely make it a point to go to the Main Library this summer and just plop down and read these. =D I love these teen serials, anyway. I used to have shelves of them! I think I gave most of them away though... speaking of giving stuff away, Sung is having a garage sale of sorts, to raise money for an intensive summer musical theatre program. Two reasons why I like this: 1) it helps me clean house without doing much; 2) I support musical theatre arts; I know what these programs can be like when they're poorly funded, and they're not fun. I had a great experience in 1993 working with Cinnabar, and that gave me my first real kick with singing and acting. So why shouldn't someone as talented, cool, and deserving as Sung get my junk? ^_^ As long as I don't get whatever doesn't sell BACK...

Time flies. I still have to take a shower and such, and I haven't finished THE EAGLE yet. AUGH! ;_; I can't nix the CD burning idea though, because if the network's down tomorrow, Diesel won't get to see my final project if I uploaded it to my website-- and then everything would be for naught! NO NO NO NO NO! It's not like I've been grueling over this, but I have been working HARD on it, and it doesn't change the fact that I love the paper, I enjoy webdesign and Photoshopping, and no matter what you boil it down to, it's a more creative project than anyone else has done-- that I've seen. I wonder if the other people in the class have even DONE something? I think Colleen did, but what about everyone else...?

Better get back to work. ^_^ Please let everything go well tomorrow-- let J.Po get my letter, let Lonnie call, let graduation practice go smoothly, let me get all these things done... let me finish my journalism final and get a good grade on it, let my printer get fixed, let me make solid plans for this weekend and graduation, let my friends want to COME to my graduation and Sunday bonfire... Oh please, just let everything work out!

This is why they say 'trust no one.'

Okay, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that it's bad to bottle stuff up. Don't you hate it when things go bad, get good enough to give you hope, and then sink back down to rock bottom again? Okay, not rock bottom, but this is me, folks. I'm at the extreme end of every spectrum.

Aside from all the CONS from my past entry (twice removed; not the last entry, but the one before that) some bad stuff:
(1) Mike wouldn't stop trying to "set me up" with his brother. Don't get me wrong, Dave's a nice, intelligent guy and everything but a) he's turning 23-- that's cutting it close, even for MY age restrictions; b) I BARELY know him aside from our conversation online-- I *think* we talked on the phone, but I'm not sure; c) he's going back to school on Sunday. It'd be nice if I could meet him on my graduation day (Thursday) but honestly, what would become of such a meeting? NOTHING! Maybe a friendship. Besides, Mike just kept hanging on the fact that LAST WEEK I said I was "sad, lonely, and horny," and when I said that wasn't so true anymore, he outright called me a liar! *growls* And worse, I think he has an ulterior motive in doing this besides wanting to see "two people he likes happy." So maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I think he's doing this so he doesn't feel bad about him and Amber hooking up and him avoiding telling me. He's trying to make himself feel big and selfless, but I can see right through him-- and I told him as much, but, as usual, he's denying it. Sometimes that boy makes me want to ram my head into a brick wall.

(2) Okay, him and Lonnie. Not only has Lonnie NOT called AT ALL today like he said, but Amber told me she saw him last week-- met him, actually, because she said hi to Benji, and Lonnie was with him! This was my first surprise, as Lonnie told me he didn't keep in touch with Benji that much anymore. I have no problem with that though-- Benji's a great guy, and I think Lonnie SHOULD hang out with him. He doesn't HAVE to, but there's certainly nothing wrong with it. Am I making sense? Moving on. Anyway, Amber told Lonnie that she'd heard of him through me, and he said something about "news traveling fast." It's been over a month since I first met Lonnie. Not to mention the fact that I know Lonnie through Benji-- and Amber knows Benji. Of COURSE she would know! Besides, she's like my best friend! Why would I *not* tell her? Sheesh. And then she mentioned that she overheard him talking on the phone to his ex. I know he does that a lot-- he's had lots of exes, apparently, and this one needed lots of compliments. Like that she was "sexy," "hot" and other things. I've heard some pretty ridiculous things in Lonnie's phone conversations, but he's always disclaimed them by saying stuff like they're "needy," and such. Lonnie's always struck me as a really nice guy and everything, but still very weird and nearly impossible to comprehend. He's pretty upsetting and hard to trust, especially at a time like this. His not calling was the first straw, but now... I think he'd tell me not to believe everything I hear, and he'd be right-- but then, what reason would Amber have to lie or distort the truth?

On the other end, there's the fact that I should simply stop caring-- I should be strong and not so dependent, as it makes me weak. Besides, what happened to my resolve to not be into anything serioud-- just fun and messing around? Is this the result of getting too attached to someone who thought that exact same way? So I have my hope that I can get ahold of J.Po tomorrow, and hope that Thursday I'll be able to find out how HE feels about me. It'd be nice if that went somewhere, but then my resolve would go right out the window. I don't feel like much of a player, liking J.Po when I'm supposedly "involved" with Lonnie. Lonnie hasn't called me in a week, and if what Amber says is true, and not misconstrued in any way... then what am I doing with him? NOTHING. He never calls me, doesn't seem to care that THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN MY LIFE is coming closer and closer, and complete strangers and my own estranged father are coming, while he, the "friend that is in love with me," isn't. Most likely isn't. I keep hoping for some sort of reasonable explanation or happy surprise, but that's the stupid optimist in me popping up when she's needed the least.

But I'll listen to Amber and her mom for now-- they say to be strong and hang on-- that if HE doesn't call me, it's HIS loss. I'd love to call him up right now, sounding weird, tired, and angry and just tell him I'm disappointed, sad, lonely, and angry. Voicemail or no, I'd say he broke his promise to call me, to hang out this week. He doesn't seem to care that I'm graduating this week or not, and I don't know what's going on with him anymore, because he never bothers to tell me. Maybe that's me trying to think chivalric, with the guy calling and all that... I don't know. Am I justified -even a little- here?

Half of me wants to cry, and the other half wants to tear apart the new bowling pin stress ball mom brought home today.

I think I need a hot shower and a nice nap.

Subway cookies are good, but...

I tell myself that it's always okay to have "low hopes" so that when good stuff happens, you're even more surprised, happier even. And when stuff DOESN'T go your way, you're not (that) disappointed. But still, it's hard to honestly believe that.

I was really hoping Lonnie would call today. To say he was coming tomorrow, to say congratulations, that he's sorry for not calling me like he promised, to say that he had an honest to god excuse. I know he lives on his own and he has to juggle work and school... and I'm sure that being suspended for a week didn't help him this close to finals and the end of the school term.

But he had time to hang out with Benji last week, and no time to call me...?

I guess I'm not ready to really just "have fun" and play the field. I don't think I want a SERIOUS committment, but I do want SOMETHING. I want promises to be kept, time to be spent with me, and important times in my life remembered. Kripa and the gang say I should stay on "freeze" and not contact him at all. It's a lot harder than it sounds. I mean, I'm tempted to call him and yell or be upset. Likewise, I'm tempted to just call and not say anything at all, or maybe just make sniffly noises into the phone. But that's desperate, pathetic, and power-giving-- also not my style.

It's strange how something bad can seem monumental when you have so many GOOD things going for you. I told my friends today about how upset and sad I was about the Lonnie deal... but how happy I was to have my dad -a teacher- coming to my graduation. He's never come to any of my graduations before, and I was always upset at him before, but now... ^_^ He's really coming. REALLY. Half of me wants to cry in happiness, because I feel like it's been forever since I've seen my dad, even though it's only been over a month.

I hung out with my friends almost all day today too-- I saw Amy (OMG, it's been so long! It was so good seeing her again, even if we didn't talk much. She's graduating from Lincoln tomorrow, too) with Kripa, Steph, Paul, and Michelle. I'm sorry, it's really hard to be nice to Michelle when she's just SO annoying. She practically echoes everything someone says, not to mention mimics what people do; she's not as stupid as she makes herself out to be though, so there's no secrets from her unless you make a serious point about it. Paul told me he doesn't like the way Michelle's all over him; it's no secret that she likes him, she even told him as much, but there's a bat's chance in water that he likes her back, especially considering a) he used to go with Kripa, and b) Michelle's moving away to NC anyhow. =} Is it wrong of me to be happy? Gah, I just want her to go away already...

We watched "Finding Nemo" today-- I didn't cry, didn't "mist" or tear. But it was cutesy and sad-- the kind of movie that should have been released the Friday before Father's Day IMHO. One of THOSE stories. But I still liked it, and I wouldn't mind seeing it again on Saturday with Rochelle and Eva. ^_^ After the movie I played some DDR-- Michelle tried to shadow me at first, and then play with me a while later (I was uberworn-out from trying to play Max 300... eheh, I failed, but I did get farther in the song than I thought I would) but she failed miserably. I tried to help her with the options, but she screwed up and ended up putting everything on stealth! -.- I knew I should have put her on Beginner Mode. When Paul played the final stage, "White Lovers" (a sick joke, since we're both white) with me, he passed it with a D! I was lazy and worn-out, so I only got a C, but previous songs boosted my overall grade. =} Still, I'm glad they have Extreme at the 1000, for only a buck, too!

Afterwards, we went to McDonalds... everyone wanted the Finding Nemo toys, and Amy got herself a little talking Nemo squirt gun. He was pretty cute, and somehow we got into talking about how big REAL clownfish were, and if whales had those little dangly things in the back of their throats (Kripa said they have tongues, so why not those dangly things...? Still, in the case of a whale, it wouldn't be very LITTLE). Lots of weird, random topics, as per usual. Amy was going to leave after that, as she had to go pick up some bus on Noriega, so the rest of us went to Kripa's house to hang out. I fell asleep for a while on the floor while everyone else just chilled, signed my panoramic pic, and read Kripa's many magazines. When I awoke sometime later, it felt like they'd been talking about me-- I heard weird comments about me, but I can't remember them well. Somehow we ended up playing "Telephone," and I heard some pretty weird stuff-- the topics were mostly sexy and such, and I was making commentary on how Steph and Michelle kept pressing Paul about a "relationship" with Theo (Theo's uberChristian) and making jokes-- all I said was "it's a fantasy of theirs, so next time Paul, bring a videotape!" but they took it the wrong way, and when we went to the park later, Steph was in a huffy mood-- she even walked way ahead of Paul, Kripa, and I when we went to Starbucks and pretty much ignored me. =P Toby came back later and played with us-- until 8:30, and then we parted ways.

Placed my order for the Anaheim choir portraits; they didn't do the "cash on delivery" thing like I thought they would. So there was a $10 late fee for not ordering within the first 22 days of the event (it's been 39 days) and the delivery time is 6 weeks! AUGH! I only ended up ordering the one Formal one, since Mr. Ulrich didn't want us to take Informals in the first place. Speaking of him (and other teachers), there's still a bunch of people I want to get to sign my yearbook; today I stuck around a while after getting my panpic while Crystal and Eva got their books signed by Mr. Ochi. I still want to see if I can snag siggies from...
* Mr. Sherrill
* Mr. Diesel
* Mrs. K
* Ms. Victoire (A MUST!)
* Mr. Z
* Mrs. Thompson
* Ms. Camajani
* Ms. Taylor (maybe)
* Ms. Sheinkopf (maybe)
* Mr. Ulrich (maybe?)
* Mr. Ishibashi (if he's not uberbusy)
* Ms. Kitchell
* Ms. Kassler
* Ms. Huddleston (maybe when I get my diploma tomorrow?)

So anyway, I want to be at school way earlier than I have to be, to get my candy lei and to sort everything like seating, meeting places and times, and the like out. Not to mention get my yearbook signed, and hopefully find J.Po in the band room so I can hand him the letter and run off. =P Maybe it's short notice and all, but I don't want to let summer just HAPPEN without me even trying to say anything to him. With that hope in mind, I might not be so upset about the silly Lonnie thing. Even my MOM thinks a "freeze" is the right thing to do. I was just so unsure and tempted to call, I had to ask people for advice.

The big plusses about tomorrow are the people coming: Joe, Vince, my mom, my dad, his girlfriend Kathy, Amber... I dunno who else, but it would sure be cool to see other people there! I've never had anyone there at my graduations before-- no one except my Mom (and my sister, at my elementary school graduation). So this will definitely be cool! Lots of picture taking! ^_^ I don't care about presents and stuff-- for the Presidio graduation today, there were all these weird guys selling stuffed bears and leis and the like, and they were a total ripoff! Flower leis die and get crushed and forgotten easily; bears and stuff are just sentimental hunks of junk. Give something meaningful and useful, if you feel guilty enough to give anything at all! Personally, I like cards (and checks, haha!) since I keep them in a scrapbook!

-.- My only two worries for this summer have nothing to do with guys, thankfully:

(1) I was looking through Kripa's CCSF papers for this Fall; it seems that in order to ADD classes, you need that stupid yellow slip that you use to make appointments with! @_@! I know I had mine at school, when I first tried to register at my scheduled time... and then when I brought it to the College Center-- but what have I done with it since then!? I have to call them before the 9th, when classes start! AUGH!

(2) I NEED A JOB. Plain and simple. Apparently Hot Topic's already opened, and Gable's is no longer hiring. I really need to get off my lazy ass, get to Richter's, and get that information about 'past references' down once and for all. To be honest, I'm glad I didn't apply for Hot Topic; as much as I love the store, I don't think I'd be cut out for working there-- they apparently have a "uniform" requirement of having 'rageous hair/piercings and the like, which I do NOT have. Yet. =P

*sigh* I'm sore from all that DDRing. I have dishes to do, and an alarm to set. And a stupid yellow paper to find!!

FINAL NOTE: I love my friends. EVERY ONE OF THEM, EVEN WHEN THEY'RE PRICKS! ^_^ *hugs and kisses*