I State For The Record
Aug. 4th, 2004 12:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteMen can know all they want about women, but unless you ARE one, you will never know what it is like to have a period.
If I am reading Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction, I do not need you to tell me that Honda = Tristan, Anzu = Téa, and so on. Anyone stupid enough to be in the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom and NOT know the equivalent names doesn't have the right to be reading fanfiction anyway. They need to do a bit more RESEARCH first.
If I am reading ANY sort of fanfiction, especially that from an anime (or otherwise Japanese-origin) fandom, I do not want to see your foolish "fangirl Japanese" littering the pages, including such easily-translated words as Hai, Iie, Ja Ne, and so forth.
I have passed third grade English, and I know that words in double quotes refer to people speaking, and words in single quotes refer to people thinking. You do not need to tell me every single chapter.
I don't care about what YOU think about a particular scene in your fanfiction-- keep your damn author's notes until the end.
You look incredibly stupid when you say any of the following:
a) My story sucks, but please read and review it anyway
b) I don't care what you think
c) If you don't like, don't read it
d) Will...?
Disclaimers won't save you from getting sued, but it's considered appropriate to include them anyway, on the off-chance you get a cease-and-desist order.
Leather is not shiny. Patent leather is, and chairs are not made of patent leather.
If something is illegible, one cannot read through it. Illegible means it cannot be read.
If you tell someone not to do something, they will do it. Hence, saying "Don't flame me" is asking for it, especially if your fic sucks.
Hikari is not a pronoun, a name, or a reference word when speaking of characters in Yu-Gi-Oh.
I hate your Mary Sue.
Seto Kaiba did not push Gozaburo Kaiba out of a window. Gozaburo JUMPED. Read the friggin' manga.
Gozaburo Kaiba is NOT, as the dub says, Seto Kaiba's "stepfather." In order to be someone's step parent, one must marry their living parent. Since Gozaburo did not marry Seto's biological mother, he is NOT Seto's step father, he is his ADOPTIVE father. Get over it. (Foster father, btw, also works.)
Stop changing the friggin' POV every third paragraph. Find a perspective you can write in, and stick to it. There IS such a thing as third-person omniscient, who sees what everyone does, says, and thinks all the time, everywhere. With such a POV (and an easy-to-write one, at that), you have no need for switching between people's POVs all the damn time.
Make up your mind about tense. Present, Past, or Future. Three choices. PICK ONE.
Nobody calls Seto Kaiba 'Seto' except for Mokuba. NO ONE. (Especially if you're aiming for an in-character fic without previous developments of any sort.)
Alaska Airlines costs a lot more than Southwest. Fly Southwest. Eat peanuts.
You're not cool because you put the names in Japanese or putting the family name first. Big whoop.
You're even LESS cool if you think all your abbreviations make you look knowledgeable about the fandom. FYI, there's more than one T in the Yu-Gi-Oh series, and the same applies to M, R, and other letters of the .'
Nobody calls Jounouchi JOU. EVER. EVER!!!!!!!!
You are not permitted to mix sub names and dub names unless doing so in a humorous context. You have no artistic license, as you do not own the series. Stop trying to confuse people or make yourself look cool. Stop being lazy and PICK A FRIGGIN' SET OF NAMES!
Icons!
There are two ways to spell it's: It's (It Is) and Its (Its lid, Its color, Its Drooling Fangirl). There is no Its'.
There are three ways to use they in a contraction: they're (They Are) their (Their Dog, Their Cat, Their Sexy Abs), and there (Over there, in the deep dark wood).
You are not cool because you bash a character for the sake of bashing. You are immature, stupid, and blind.
Stop being a fanpoodle. It's one thing to be a fangirl, another to be an otaku, and another to be a disgusting representation of what all decent fanfiction authors LOATHE to tears. Do not be the latter.
P-H-A-R-A-O-H.
If you include the words YuGiOh in your fanfiction title, you deserve to be shot. Many times, with prettyful paintballs. BIG ONES.
No more My Immortal Songs. Matter of fact, no more Evanescence songs, period. Or Sarah McLachlan (if you can help it), or Backstreet Boys, Avril Lavigne, *NSYNC, or Savage Garden. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
And on songfics or the like, DO NOT EVER use the song title as your fic title. Be a bit more original than that, PLEASE!?
SPELL CHECK.
No, I take it back. Get a beta. Lots of them. Make sure they know how to spell. And Spell check after they're done ANYWAY.
No, betas are not people who heap praise on you and tell you "OmG yur f1C is like so kewl!!11eleven."
Hair is not made of silk, chocolate, amber, or any other non-keratin substance. Hair can possess qualities, same as skin can, but it is NOT those things. Don't slap a -ey or -y on things and assume that it makes a perfect description.
Skin cannot be milky. Skin that white is not healthy, and this is coming from someone so white, she might as well be an albino.
Eyes do not express emotion. The eyes are balls of musculature, nerves, and blood vessels with all sorts of other gross parts to them. There is no brain inside. There are, however, parts of your face AROUND the eye that lend to the idea that one's eyes express emotion. So stop saying So-and-So's eyes were "filled with anger" or "twinkling with mirth." How the hell did mirth get in her eyes, anyway?
Comma, space. Period. Space. It's NOT THAT HARD.
Capitalize the first word in every sentence. Not Every Single Word In A Sentence, or eVeRy OtHEr LeTTeR or some strange variation thereof.
Say something back.
If I am reading Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction, I do not need you to tell me that Honda = Tristan, Anzu = Téa, and so on. Anyone stupid enough to be in the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom and NOT know the equivalent names doesn't have the right to be reading fanfiction anyway. They need to do a bit more RESEARCH first.
If I am reading ANY sort of fanfiction, especially that from an anime (or otherwise Japanese-origin) fandom, I do not want to see your foolish "fangirl Japanese" littering the pages, including such easily-translated words as Hai, Iie, Ja Ne, and so forth.
I have passed third grade English, and I know that words in double quotes refer to people speaking, and words in single quotes refer to people thinking. You do not need to tell me every single chapter.
I don't care about what YOU think about a particular scene in your fanfiction-- keep your damn author's notes until the end.
You look incredibly stupid when you say any of the following:
a) My story sucks, but please read and review it anyway
b) I don't care what you think
c) If you don't like, don't read it
d) Will...?
Disclaimers won't save you from getting sued, but it's considered appropriate to include them anyway, on the off-chance you get a cease-and-desist order.
Leather is not shiny. Patent leather is, and chairs are not made of patent leather.
If something is illegible, one cannot read through it. Illegible means it cannot be read.
If you tell someone not to do something, they will do it. Hence, saying "Don't flame me" is asking for it, especially if your fic sucks.
Hikari is not a pronoun, a name, or a reference word when speaking of characters in Yu-Gi-Oh.
I hate your Mary Sue.
Seto Kaiba did not push Gozaburo Kaiba out of a window. Gozaburo JUMPED. Read the friggin' manga.
Gozaburo Kaiba is NOT, as the dub says, Seto Kaiba's "stepfather." In order to be someone's step parent, one must marry their living parent. Since Gozaburo did not marry Seto's biological mother, he is NOT Seto's step father, he is his ADOPTIVE father. Get over it. (Foster father, btw, also works.)
Stop changing the friggin' POV every third paragraph. Find a perspective you can write in, and stick to it. There IS such a thing as third-person omniscient, who sees what everyone does, says, and thinks all the time, everywhere. With such a POV (and an easy-to-write one, at that), you have no need for switching between people's POVs all the damn time.
Make up your mind about tense. Present, Past, or Future. Three choices. PICK ONE.
Nobody calls Seto Kaiba 'Seto' except for Mokuba. NO ONE. (Especially if you're aiming for an in-character fic without previous developments of any sort.)
Alaska Airlines costs a lot more than Southwest. Fly Southwest. Eat peanuts.
You're not cool because you put the names in Japanese or putting the family name first. Big whoop.
You're even LESS cool if you think all your abbreviations make you look knowledgeable about the fandom. FYI, there's more than one T in the Yu-Gi-Oh series, and the same applies to M, R, and other letters of the .'
Nobody calls Jounouchi JOU. EVER. EVER!!!!!!!!
You are not permitted to mix sub names and dub names unless doing so in a humorous context. You have no artistic license, as you do not own the series. Stop trying to confuse people or make yourself look cool. Stop being lazy and PICK A FRIGGIN' SET OF NAMES!
Icons!
There are two ways to spell it's: It's (It Is) and Its (Its lid, Its color, Its Drooling Fangirl). There is no Its'.
There are three ways to use they in a contraction: they're (They Are) their (Their Dog, Their Cat, Their Sexy Abs), and there (Over there, in the deep dark wood).
You are not cool because you bash a character for the sake of bashing. You are immature, stupid, and blind.
Stop being a fanpoodle. It's one thing to be a fangirl, another to be an otaku, and another to be a disgusting representation of what all decent fanfiction authors LOATHE to tears. Do not be the latter.
P-H-A-R-A-O-H.
If you include the words YuGiOh in your fanfiction title, you deserve to be shot. Many times, with prettyful paintballs. BIG ONES.
No more My Immortal Songs. Matter of fact, no more Evanescence songs, period. Or Sarah McLachlan (if you can help it), or Backstreet Boys, Avril Lavigne, *NSYNC, or Savage Garden. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
And on songfics or the like, DO NOT EVER use the song title as your fic title. Be a bit more original than that, PLEASE!?
SPELL CHECK.
No, I take it back. Get a beta. Lots of them. Make sure they know how to spell. And Spell check after they're done ANYWAY.
No, betas are not people who heap praise on you and tell you "OmG yur f1C is like so kewl!!11eleven."
Hair is not made of silk, chocolate, amber, or any other non-keratin substance. Hair can possess qualities, same as skin can, but it is NOT those things. Don't slap a -ey or -y on things and assume that it makes a perfect description.
Skin cannot be milky. Skin that white is not healthy, and this is coming from someone so white, she might as well be an albino.
Eyes do not express emotion. The eyes are balls of musculature, nerves, and blood vessels with all sorts of other gross parts to them. There is no brain inside. There are, however, parts of your face AROUND the eye that lend to the idea that one's eyes express emotion. So stop saying So-and-So's eyes were "filled with anger" or "twinkling with mirth." How the hell did mirth get in her eyes, anyway?
Comma, space. Period. Space. It's NOT THAT HARD.
Capitalize the first word in every sentence. Not Every Single Word In A Sentence, or eVeRy OtHEr LeTTeR or some strange variation thereof.
Say something back.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: Are you going to eat me?
Date: 2004-08-04 09:59 pm (UTC)Yes, but metaphors are so poetic~ ^^ Call me hopeless... :D
True, very true. Believe me when I say that I understand that most the stuff up on ff.net shouldn't be there, the only thing I have a problem is the way you said it. I mean it was so demeaning to those who may have made certain mistakes and not have known. (This doesn't include the easy stuff like spelling.) Some people don't know, and it would totally shatter their confidence if they read this.
Then again, like you said, this is your irks and nitpicks list, I shouldn't tell you how to write it. ^^;;
Re: Are you going to eat me?
Date: 2004-08-05 02:26 am (UTC)[ARGH!, of course, being the ultimate expression signifying great irritation.]
The same goes for jewels, fruits and any "exotic" hues that you could only find in the "Paint" aisle at the Hardware store. I'm completely sick of hearing about "azure" and "emerald" eyes, and the next time I read "cherry lips" I'm going to scream.
I've got nothing against similies and metaphors; I'd just like to see an author pitch an original every now and then.
In fact, any good writer should read George Orwell's essays on writing. It would really spare some aggravation--- it's the code of writer's law that I religiously follow.
Re: Are you going to eat me?
Date: 2004-08-05 03:00 am (UTC)Read it, and then respond.
Re: Are you going to eat me?
Date: 2004-08-05 04:47 am (UTC)I didn't mean to upset you, if that's what I've done, but I do want to read what you've said has been nicely summed up. Perhaps the piece has another name, so I can search for it that way?
Re: Are you going to eat me?
Date: 2004-08-05 04:52 am (UTC)Re: Are you going to eat me?
Date: 2004-08-05 03:37 pm (UTC)While the satirical representation of a fairytale and the modern clash of writers is right in respect to timeless metaphors, it also underscores the importance of saying what you mean. I've seens hordes of stories on Fanfiction.net and fictionpress that just load up on metaphors and cliches, that just reading the text gives you a frightful headache. The art of writing is taking something old and giving it a new twist..
And I don't mean discarding old metaphors for the sake of new ones--- to really kick myself in the ass here, what I'm trying to say is: if the shoe fits, wear it. However, if you can come up with something new and fresh and more fitting than the old, then please, use it!
That's all I'm saying on the matter. Frankly, we're both on the same page with regards to figurative language use-- alls I'm saying is that once in a while, it'd be nice to see something original for a change.
That, and I'm a bit more 'over-the-top' when gives my opinions, and since text conveys no physical expression, its easy to mistaken what context things are said in.
Sneaking in...please forgive
Date: 2004-08-05 05:30 pm (UTC)But as for the metaphors, it would be nice to see someone use plenty of them and put real meaning into their story using them.
I think, perhaps, one of the thoughts trying to be conveyed to Mamono, that maybe isn't going through, is that people will tend to use them just for the sake of appearance, or because "it sounded/looked cool," instead of using their own brains to concoct something new.
This causes whatever metaphor they were using to lose its meaning.
Still, I see nothing wrong with using them, as long as they are utilised properly and make an impact to the theme of the story.
Now, I'll just tiptoe away after probably making a moron out of myself. x__X
Re: Sneaking in...please forgive
Date: 2004-08-05 07:34 pm (UTC)Initially what I was saying about the metaphors is that people just slap them on their page and are done with it. They are trite, overused things (particular metaphors, that is, especially where the eyes and lips are concerned), and there is a distinct lack of creativity, effort, and emotion in their usage. Create a new, interesting metaphor that catches the reader's eye and gets them imagining the scene at hand, and you've succeeded at what you've set out to do! Brava!
Above all else, what I wanted to get down in writing was that metaphors are not the Solve-All answer to descriptions. I find it's best to try and describe emotions or facial expressions if you were trying to tell someone who wasn't there, couldn't have been there, or otherwise wouldn't have understood the feelings in the given situation. Like a kindergartner or an alien. Gives you a fresh perspective on writing things, huh? I'm sure plenty of teachers have told everyone here that you have to write so people without a firm grasp on a given subject (say, a book you've read) will still understand the message you're trying to convey. The same is true with fanfiction.
Even if the people reading support your pairing, or have scene how X Character and Y Character interact, it's nice to explain more than what they're feeling, but WHY, and how it comes across to someone that's not really there (the third person, the reader, or the omniscient all-seeing narrator).
Re: Sneaking in...please forgive
Date: 2004-08-05 09:56 pm (UTC)Then again, this is why I can't stand most romance fics either. They focus too much on description instead of how the feelings should be, how they should feel to the reader or the characters.
And your opinion shouldn't get you on people's bad sides. It's understanding if shallow usage of metaphors bothers/upsets/annoys you, but I don't think this was noticed or recognised at first for being that. ^^;;; That's all.
(I.E. It kinda intimidated Mamono a bit at how it was presented. By no means does this mean you did something wrong.... @___@ It was just a misunderstanding. =D?? Right?? >.> Meh, I'll shut up now). And sorry, Mamono...for speaking for you. *cough* I couldn't help it after seeing the comment down there.... >.> Forgive....
Re: Sneaking in...please forgive
Date: 2004-08-05 09:54 pm (UTC)Yeah... I'm going to slink away now. But with new understanding.
Re: Sneaking in...please forgive
Date: 2004-08-05 09:58 pm (UTC)(You know, we should slink away...to DM...and get Mokuba and Yuugi to the hospital *cough*).
Re: Sneaking in...please forgive
Date: 2004-08-05 10:34 pm (UTC)(Slinking... :D)
Re: Sneaking in...please forgive
Date: 2004-08-06 12:06 am (UTC)Re: Are you going to eat me?
Date: 2004-08-05 09:18 pm (UTC)^^; You guys are a lot more experienced than I am, so I think I was just a bit intimidated... @__@