azurite: (screw it trashcan)
Today, I went to talk to my counselor about my classes. You see, this past quarter-- the 2nd of 3 in the Fall Semester-- I have a 2.29 GPA. That has to be the worst I have ever gotten-- in memory. She said I have "The April Look" and it's only December. With AP tests to prep for, and tons of things to do throughout the spring semester, I had to get un-stressed now, so I could come back to school as a better person, striving to get into that good university, with the best Journalism program.

My reputation plainly states that I am an over-achieving, teacher's pet, suck-up goody two-shoes. My middle school rivals would have said I was a bitchy, bratty, outspoken drama queen. My friends would say I am a depressing, shadow-like slinky-- bouncy sometimes, dead on the stairs the next. Funny analogies, ne?
So the workload has been overbearing, and I have 2 Ds, 3 Bs, and 2 Cs. The Ds, ironically enough, are what I have always thought to be my best subjects-- History and English. But lately, if you have been reading up my past entries, I haven't been very motivated-- and this is of my own accord and doing, not due to family problems. I'm halfway there-- I'm semi-motivated, but always tired, stressed, and upset.

I told my counselor that I was thinking about dropping out, and that somedays I just didn't want to get out of bed. That was the truth, and sometimes still is.

I usually end up hating the holidays, and the workload that always comes with the annual winter break will only make me want to drop out more. Of all the classes I have though, ROTC is the most "expendable". The first three weeks of school when I didn't have RO, I was bored-- but not stressed. I did my homework, I went home, and I was generally happy. ROTC didn't make a huge impact on me after I re-joined, but slowly, the workload that came with the responsibility I thought I wanted pushed down on me. I stayed in the stuffy basement until 6:30, when I told myself -and my mom- that I would be home at 4. I get yelled at because of stupid Christmas lights, and "reminded" about getting the numbers for events we have participated in before 10:00. Sorry I'm attempting to have a life outside of RO... but if the class is going to bring me down, then I guess I can learn to live without it again. I hated it so much at the end of the year... I think I can learn to do it again. I love webpage designing, but maybe I'll leave the RO page up to someone else more dedicated and less stressed-- with no social life or normal future. ^^; Maybe that's just me, and the people in RO I know at my school... I'll I've got to say is "whatever" and I can't wait until those 3 fateful weeks until break is up.
Hallelujah.
azurite: (anger of angels - kisara)
Sigh. November already. And I thought last year was bad, January and then May sneaking up on me so fast. Finals, SATs, PSATs, college searching... ai-yi-yi!

Okay, so I'm only a junior. Sure, I should be taking classes seriously, participating and all that... getting volunteer credits and improving my rusty skills... but I can't.
Now wait, before you brand me Miss Excuses 2001... I have an excuse. Not a good one, mind you, but an excuse. I absolutely suck at doing stuff. I mean, I can't motivate myself to do homework afterschool. I'll do the reading, and sometimes I'll do the essays or whatnot-- I ALWAYS show up to school-- but when it comes time for the big papers, where you have to turn in an outline with a thesis, and then a revised outline, a rough draft... gawd, I'd rather just sleep. Or sit in front of a computer and type in my online diary... if you get my drift.

So, back in Freshman year, when I used to be a total suck-up, and Sophomore year, when I was a rebel with a cause and some pretty warped teachers, I did my work, and I got the grades.

First grading period says I have mostly Bs, one C in Math, and a few scattered As. But this time, I KNOW it's not my fellow classmates, or a psycho teacher bringing me down. I just don't do the work. Before, I was absent like, every Monday, so I just copied what I missed from a friend.

But I knew that was bad, and I told her not to let me do it again. I want to stick to that-- not cave. That's just the kind of person I am... I can write so fluently in my diary, or debate up a storm, but when I have to write essays, do worksheets, gather materials, I freeze, I forget... I procrastinate. I've tried Feng Shui-ing my room, tried getting it a little clean... tried to avoid the distractions like gaming and webpage designing here at school... but I just can't do it.

How do I get motivated? My mom told me this morning that if I didn't go to school, the one convention I love attending wouldn't happen. Thusly, I hauled my ass out of bed and got up. But she left before I did. I had two choices-- go back to sleep, or go to school. Already being awake, and intent on going to school "because it was right" I did just that. But I didn't go to first. I'm sitting here in one of my later classes, with a computer and freedom abound... NOT doing my work.

Sigh... back to square one.

January 2016

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
171819 20212223
24252627282930
31      

Most Popular Tags

Page generated May. 18th, 2026 12:13 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios