Her imagination went thataway
Aug. 12th, 2003 12:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteUgh, just woke up. Had another weird dream, too. But it's one of those ones where everything in it could actually happen, so it makes me sort of sad, I suppose. It involves some history, too. So let's go from the beginning. In my early journaling days, I parked myself over at OpenDiary.com, and my FIRST entry was "Stuck like Glue" and I was waxing about how I couldn't stop thinking about this one guy from my freshman year that I'd had a horrible crush on-- fancied myself in LOVE with even. Now, after middle school, this was a shocker to me, because middle school had been miserable, and I'd pretty much been on a "I hate guys" trip the whole time; save maybe ONE stupid crush that didn't last long.
Whyfore? Well, several reasons. 1) My sister had died prior to me entering middle school-- I had no one to turn to for advice, help, or anything. And 2), which many of my friends will recognize as the major angst reason behind my bitchy middle school years, was Chris Garcia. An old friend that traded me in for temporary popularity with the wrong crew. And, come 9th grade, he moved to Santa Cruz. I'm torn between the idea that if I ever see him again, I'll either slug him or hug him. And him-- well, he was REALLY my first love. And I know it was mutual, too, even though nothing ever came of it. But he treated me so terribly the last two years of middle school that I was intent on NEVER letting guys get to me again (well, we all know how THAT worked out).
So... come high school, there's this guy. He's handsome, but annoying, you know, sort of like an older brother. Only you're not really related to him, so "love-hate relationships," as Eva called us, are fine. And this was the guy I dreamed of last night. I've actually been thinking about him a little bit more than usual lately, but... >_> Er, I keep telling myself, "dude, he's 22 now, has probably moved out of the house you knew he lived in, and while he might still be going to USF, he probably has some ubercute Jesuit girlfriend... blah blah, will never see him again, end of story, case closed." Right? I don't know if I hope so or not.
Okay, so the dream. I can't remember how I ran into him exactly, but we both recognized each other right off the bat, and hugged-- somewhere there was an 'accidental' (seriously!) kiss involved, one that left me utterly breathless even though neither of us had intended it. But after that, we stuck to each other's sides a bit, and we walked around. It was really overcast, almost rainy, outside, and for some reason, we were in the Castro on Halloween? But it wasn't crowded or anything, maybe it was after Halloween, because there were still tents and weird decorations up everywhere. Jason (that's his name) was looking for a newspaper, but there weren't any in the metal dispenser, but just above the dispenser was a guy in a tent, and he had a pile of them. He gave Jason a newspaper, I thanked him, and we both walked off into the fog.
Not exactly an ideal "lost love" dream, but... geez, I'm nice and stuck here. Half of me wishes I might see him again, but then who knows what would happen? I can speculate and imagine LOTS of things, and Eva knows that she's rubbed off all her "what ifs" on me. I'm a writer, it's what I do! But I don't want to spend time thinking about someone I've seen all of 3 or 4 times in the past 3 years, and will probably never see again. Still, that thought sort of stings.
*sigh*
I've been sneezing a lot in non-dusty, non-pollenated rooms AFTER I've taken my allergy meds. -.-; Someone's talkin' smack about me, I know it.
Oh yeah, yesterday-- lots of missed phone calls, because I'm a DITZ! Left my phone on the charger again. Amber called about 5 times or so, left 2 messages; she was drunk again. *sigh* Why does she do this to herself, honestly? I don't like considering the possibility that one of my best friends might become alcoholic, or might just do something stupid (or have something done TO her) when she's drunk. My stance on it is as such: "Don't drink to get drunk without a damn good reason to." Hence the reason why, that time at Vince's, I couldn't even finish a shot of vodka. I had no reason. Later on, I might have, but by then, all the alkie was gone...
*cough* Anyway. So, yeah, she had a friend Rudy or something message me... o_O? And then Lonnie called, amazingly "in my area," but that was 3 hours before I got his message-- I was tired, headachey, and in no mood to have company, assuming he was still in the area. So I feel sort of bad about not calling him back after I got the message, but... ugh, I almost thought I had a fever this morning, too.
Ugh, now you KNOW I'm desperate, if I'm searching online public records for that dork. Why me?
I think I'll email my dad, because I want to see him. =) Urg, what's his email... o_O
I have to pick up this book I put on hold at the Main Library. WHY WHY WHY WHY did I put it on hold THERE? I could have gone to the 10th Ave library, even if their collection's small, it's nearby, and NEAR A CERTAIN SOMEONE'S (OLD?) HOUSE! ;_;
Geh, working on Golden Apples is hard... lots of looking up to be done... But thankfully Joe's coming over soon, so there's entertainment. Evita, and "someplace fun" (???) to go to later. o_O
Whyfore? Well, several reasons. 1) My sister had died prior to me entering middle school-- I had no one to turn to for advice, help, or anything. And 2), which many of my friends will recognize as the major angst reason behind my bitchy middle school years, was Chris Garcia. An old friend that traded me in for temporary popularity with the wrong crew. And, come 9th grade, he moved to Santa Cruz. I'm torn between the idea that if I ever see him again, I'll either slug him or hug him. And him-- well, he was REALLY my first love. And I know it was mutual, too, even though nothing ever came of it. But he treated me so terribly the last two years of middle school that I was intent on NEVER letting guys get to me again (well, we all know how THAT worked out).
So... come high school, there's this guy. He's handsome, but annoying, you know, sort of like an older brother. Only you're not really related to him, so "love-hate relationships," as Eva called us, are fine. And this was the guy I dreamed of last night. I've actually been thinking about him a little bit more than usual lately, but... >_> Er, I keep telling myself, "dude, he's 22 now, has probably moved out of the house you knew he lived in, and while he might still be going to USF, he probably has some ubercute Jesuit girlfriend... blah blah, will never see him again, end of story, case closed." Right? I don't know if I hope so or not.
Okay, so the dream. I can't remember how I ran into him exactly, but we both recognized each other right off the bat, and hugged-- somewhere there was an 'accidental' (seriously!) kiss involved, one that left me utterly breathless even though neither of us had intended it. But after that, we stuck to each other's sides a bit, and we walked around. It was really overcast, almost rainy, outside, and for some reason, we were in the Castro on Halloween? But it wasn't crowded or anything, maybe it was after Halloween, because there were still tents and weird decorations up everywhere. Jason (that's his name) was looking for a newspaper, but there weren't any in the metal dispenser, but just above the dispenser was a guy in a tent, and he had a pile of them. He gave Jason a newspaper, I thanked him, and we both walked off into the fog.
Not exactly an ideal "lost love" dream, but... geez, I'm nice and stuck here. Half of me wishes I might see him again, but then who knows what would happen? I can speculate and imagine LOTS of things, and Eva knows that she's rubbed off all her "what ifs" on me. I'm a writer, it's what I do! But I don't want to spend time thinking about someone I've seen all of 3 or 4 times in the past 3 years, and will probably never see again. Still, that thought sort of stings.
*sigh*
I've been sneezing a lot in non-dusty, non-pollenated rooms AFTER I've taken my allergy meds. -.-; Someone's talkin' smack about me, I know it.
Oh yeah, yesterday-- lots of missed phone calls, because I'm a DITZ! Left my phone on the charger again. Amber called about 5 times or so, left 2 messages; she was drunk again. *sigh* Why does she do this to herself, honestly? I don't like considering the possibility that one of my best friends might become alcoholic, or might just do something stupid (or have something done TO her) when she's drunk. My stance on it is as such: "Don't drink to get drunk without a damn good reason to." Hence the reason why, that time at Vince's, I couldn't even finish a shot of vodka. I had no reason. Later on, I might have, but by then, all the alkie was gone...
*cough* Anyway. So, yeah, she had a friend Rudy or something message me... o_O? And then Lonnie called, amazingly "in my area," but that was 3 hours before I got his message-- I was tired, headachey, and in no mood to have company, assuming he was still in the area. So I feel sort of bad about not calling him back after I got the message, but... ugh, I almost thought I had a fever this morning, too.
Ugh, now you KNOW I'm desperate, if I'm searching online public records for that dork. Why me?
I think I'll email my dad, because I want to see him. =) Urg, what's his email... o_O
I have to pick up this book I put on hold at the Main Library. WHY WHY WHY WHY did I put it on hold THERE? I could have gone to the 10th Ave library, even if their collection's small, it's nearby, and NEAR A CERTAIN SOMEONE'S (OLD?) HOUSE! ;_;
Geh, working on Golden Apples is hard... lots of looking up to be done... But thankfully Joe's coming over soon, so there's entertainment. Evita, and "someplace fun" (???) to go to later. o_O
