Random Excerpts
Jul. 17th, 2001 10:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteThis is a list of, as the title implies, very random excerpts. From everywhere and anywhere-- people's email or BB signatures, AIM away messages, fortune cookies... this is probably only edition 1. ^^ I hope these brighten your day.
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head. -Elysia
Whatever can happen, will happen -Murphy
Liars, when they speak the truth, are not believed -Fortune Cookie
Smoking kills, and when you die, you've lost a very big part of your life. -Brooke Shields
Shanghai, Hong Kong, Egg Foo Yong, Fortune Cookie's always wrong -a cat in "Aristocats"
Emily doesn't aim high-- she aims low. -Emily Strange Mousepad
Kill 'em, Kill 'em all. -Angel (David Boreanaz)
I reserve... I reserve... I have a reservation. I *have* a reservation. What do you mean it's not in the computer?! -Madonna, "Act of Contrition"
"I was never very popular..." -Cherry Sweetie Bun Buns... an in joke with my friends
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. -fontgarden.com
Tis better to have loved and lost than to have been run over by an eighteen wheeler and dragged for five miles -fontgarden.com
A conscience does not prevent sin, it only prevents you from enjoying it. -fontgarden.com
Due to financial constraints the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished -fontgarden.com, yet again
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train. -fontgarden.com
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. -fontgarden.com
Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
When I was born, I was so surprised, I didn't talk for a year and a half.
As seen above a urinal: what are you looking up here for? The real joke is in your hands. Thin and WIDE included. -_-;
Life is like an onion; you peel and peel and then you find there's nothing there.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
We waste time so you don't have to. =)
Reality is a big, vicious, nasty dragon. But I don't believe in dragons.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
I'm an enigma, or am I?
The truth is out there (and...)
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
You can never successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
If you don't know where you're going; any road will take you there.
Don't you just hate it when life throws a curveball and you forget to duck?
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.
Go ahead and knock-- I'm already disturbed.
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you can actually look forward to the trip. -Caskie Stinnett
Help beautify our dumps; throw away something pretty.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
As seen on a shampoo: use repeatedly for severe damage
As seen on a blanket: not to be used for protection from a tornado
As seen on a kitchen knife: warning, keep out of children
Choose: The ENTRANCE or the EXITRANCE
Let's make violent sports together!
Fire hydrant peeing on a dog: what goes around comes around.
Buy SNOT toothpaste.
Beware! You will be boiled!
As seen outside a restaurant: Please leave a pet outside. (But I don't have a pet!)
As seen under an elevator button: Push this in case anything happens.
Girls, you'll love this one-- a guy in India wearing the following shirt: Don't Mess with Me, I've got PMS!
Stay away from guys like that... -_-; who knows what they may do?
In Japan, Microsoft is known as "Microdick" (No, it's not really...) -_- Wonder if there's a "Microhard" too?
If snobs are too good to hang around us normal folk where do they go? This sign tells you: Snobs Beauty Salon since 1996
We all love teddy bears, and Pocky is the greatest snack known to man. So... BIG TEDDY'S STICK! Yes, it's a real Pocky...
Oh, by the way, make the most of today, because tomorrow you might not be here. (Karmic, ain't it? Seen on a lunchbox)
"This coat is warmer than my family" (Hmmm... wanna give that person a hug.)
Forget soda, "stick to coffee and alcohol"
Or better yet, "Flesh Juice" with "Alhool" in it.
Just a tip for novices: Don't baked or corroded your binoculars, please.
A Bambi-like fawn says: Break some balls!
On a Sony alarm clock warranty, it read: "This warranty does not cover cosmetic damage or damage due to acts of God, accident, misuse, abuse, negligence, commercial use, or modification, or to any part of the Product, incluiding the antenna." Then, a little lower part it read: "REPAIR OR REPLACEMENT AS PROVIDED UNDER THIS WARRANTY IS THE EXCLUSIVE REMEDY OF THE CONSUMER. SONY SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INCIDENTAL OR
CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES FOR BREACH OF ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTY (Hmmm... guess you hafta take good care of that clock... Sony sure isn't very caring of their customers in Japan...)
"We hope you enjoyed your fright. Please come and fry with us again." <<-- haunted house, KFC, or Japan Air?
At a laundry near a house it says - "Push button. Foam coming plenty. Big Noise. Finish." Laundry for Dummies.
"US Marines, the greatest fighting farce on earth." (Uhm... okay. ~_~ No offense to any Marines out there...
Remember, these ain't mine...)
"I used to live in Japan, and of course developed a fondness of Japanese Engrish. I had a complete set of
'Mr. Friendly' accessories (cups, coffee mugs, pencils, notebooks, etc.)... He was essentially a stick
figure type guy with an deceptively evil smile. I can't remember all of the fun stuff, but here are some
prime examples:"
Mr. Friendly! Your Best Ally!
He steals in your mind to lead you into good situation!
Mr. Friendly! Legular Size! Copyright Best Planning Group --Found on a Mr Friendly plastic wallet in Sydney,
Australia: "Helps you out in any shituation"
(I'm *always* in a shituation. I bet Mr. Friendly could be real rivalry for Mr. Clean.)
A junior high school in Hokkaido got t-shirts for the entire school to wear for sports day that read:
SON OF A BITCH! (I wanna school sports day t-shirt!)
Scripted across the back of a jacket of an old lady riding a bicycle in front of someone, causing him nearly to ride off the road: "Really Fucking Exciting"
"be considerate...think for others" (Wasn't there something earlier about "we think hard so you don't have to" or something like that...?)
A package of tea biscuits had this little phrase, explaining just how dry these biscuits are, "a drink's too wet without one"
In Tokyo I saw a small restaurant with a sign saying "We serve people like you as good food!" (Help...)
I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. until I saw the store next to it. "Super Super Super" That was the name! =D
"My other car is an automobile!" What's YOUR other car?
"The rabbits were very excited. Their baby was born six weeks later."--seen on a shopping bag (This would work as a Sailormoon in-joke)
The Japanese pronunciation of the word 'city' often creates some funny images, Shitty house, shitty car, etc.
-a new brand of nylons that appeared and disappeared several years ago. The commercial showed a beautiful young woman walking briskly through town. The camera panned around her body stopping at her hind quarters and the announcer proclaimed, "Shitty Pants!!"
"Beware of being eaten by small children due to small parts." and "Clothing made from special secret formula." as seen on Dragonball Z models.
SUPERSTAR ROCKSTAR KUNG-FU ALLSTAR! (Which is a lot of responsibility for one person when you think about it... All-time Dodger 1999... or Ranma!)
Can't forget the infamous "All your base belong to us"
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head. -Elysia
Whatever can happen, will happen -Murphy
Liars, when they speak the truth, are not believed -Fortune Cookie
Smoking kills, and when you die, you've lost a very big part of your life. -Brooke Shields
Shanghai, Hong Kong, Egg Foo Yong, Fortune Cookie's always wrong -a cat in "Aristocats"
Emily doesn't aim high-- she aims low. -Emily Strange Mousepad
Kill 'em, Kill 'em all. -Angel (David Boreanaz)
I reserve... I reserve... I have a reservation. I *have* a reservation. What do you mean it's not in the computer?! -Madonna, "Act of Contrition"
"I was never very popular..." -Cherry Sweetie Bun Buns... an in joke with my friends
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. -fontgarden.com
Tis better to have loved and lost than to have been run over by an eighteen wheeler and dragged for five miles -fontgarden.com
A conscience does not prevent sin, it only prevents you from enjoying it. -fontgarden.com
Due to financial constraints the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished -fontgarden.com, yet again
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train. -fontgarden.com
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. -fontgarden.com
Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
When I was born, I was so surprised, I didn't talk for a year and a half.
As seen above a urinal: what are you looking up here for? The real joke is in your hands. Thin and WIDE included. -_-;
Life is like an onion; you peel and peel and then you find there's nothing there.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
We waste time so you don't have to. =)
Reality is a big, vicious, nasty dragon. But I don't believe in dragons.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
I'm an enigma, or am I?
The truth is out there (and...)
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
You can never successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
If you don't know where you're going; any road will take you there.
Don't you just hate it when life throws a curveball and you forget to duck?
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.
Go ahead and knock-- I'm already disturbed.
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you can actually look forward to the trip. -Caskie Stinnett
Help beautify our dumps; throw away something pretty.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
As seen on a shampoo: use repeatedly for severe damage
As seen on a blanket: not to be used for protection from a tornado
As seen on a kitchen knife: warning, keep out of children
Choose: The ENTRANCE or the EXITRANCE
Let's make violent sports together!
Fire hydrant peeing on a dog: what goes around comes around.
Buy SNOT toothpaste.
Beware! You will be boiled!
As seen outside a restaurant: Please leave a pet outside. (But I don't have a pet!)
As seen under an elevator button: Push this in case anything happens.
Girls, you'll love this one-- a guy in India wearing the following shirt: Don't Mess with Me, I've got PMS!
Stay away from guys like that... -_-; who knows what they may do?
In Japan, Microsoft is known as "Microdick" (No, it's not really...) -_- Wonder if there's a "Microhard" too?
If snobs are too good to hang around us normal folk where do they go? This sign tells you: Snobs Beauty Salon since 1996
We all love teddy bears, and Pocky is the greatest snack known to man. So... BIG TEDDY'S STICK! Yes, it's a real Pocky...
Oh, by the way, make the most of today, because tomorrow you might not be here. (Karmic, ain't it? Seen on a lunchbox)
"This coat is warmer than my family" (Hmmm... wanna give that person a hug.)
Forget soda, "stick to coffee and alcohol"
Or better yet, "Flesh Juice" with "Alhool" in it.
Just a tip for novices: Don't baked or corroded your binoculars, please.
A Bambi-like fawn says: Break some balls!
On a Sony alarm clock warranty, it read: "This warranty does not cover cosmetic damage or damage due to acts of God, accident, misuse, abuse, negligence, commercial use, or modification, or to any part of the Product, incluiding the antenna." Then, a little lower part it read: "REPAIR OR REPLACEMENT AS PROVIDED UNDER THIS WARRANTY IS THE EXCLUSIVE REMEDY OF THE CONSUMER. SONY SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INCIDENTAL OR
CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES FOR BREACH OF ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTY (Hmmm... guess you hafta take good care of that clock... Sony sure isn't very caring of their customers in Japan...)
"We hope you enjoyed your fright. Please come and fry with us again." <<-- haunted house, KFC, or Japan Air?
At a laundry near a house it says - "Push button. Foam coming plenty. Big Noise. Finish." Laundry for Dummies.
"US Marines, the greatest fighting farce on earth." (Uhm... okay. ~_~ No offense to any Marines out there...
Remember, these ain't mine...)
"I used to live in Japan, and of course developed a fondness of Japanese Engrish. I had a complete set of
'Mr. Friendly' accessories (cups, coffee mugs, pencils, notebooks, etc.)... He was essentially a stick
figure type guy with an deceptively evil smile. I can't remember all of the fun stuff, but here are some
prime examples:"
Mr. Friendly! Your Best Ally!
He steals in your mind to lead you into good situation!
Mr. Friendly! Legular Size! Copyright Best Planning Group --Found on a Mr Friendly plastic wallet in Sydney,
Australia: "Helps you out in any shituation"
(I'm *always* in a shituation. I bet Mr. Friendly could be real rivalry for Mr. Clean.)
A junior high school in Hokkaido got t-shirts for the entire school to wear for sports day that read:
SON OF A BITCH! (I wanna school sports day t-shirt!)
Scripted across the back of a jacket of an old lady riding a bicycle in front of someone, causing him nearly to ride off the road: "Really Fucking Exciting"
"be considerate...think for others" (Wasn't there something earlier about "we think hard so you don't have to" or something like that...?)
A package of tea biscuits had this little phrase, explaining just how dry these biscuits are, "a drink's too wet without one"
In Tokyo I saw a small restaurant with a sign saying "We serve people like you as good food!" (Help...)
I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. until I saw the store next to it. "Super Super Super" That was the name! =D
"My other car is an automobile!" What's YOUR other car?
"The rabbits were very excited. Their baby was born six weeks later."--seen on a shopping bag (This would work as a Sailormoon in-joke)
The Japanese pronunciation of the word 'city' often creates some funny images, Shitty house, shitty car, etc.
-a new brand of nylons that appeared and disappeared several years ago. The commercial showed a beautiful young woman walking briskly through town. The camera panned around her body stopping at her hind quarters and the announcer proclaimed, "Shitty Pants!!"
"Beware of being eaten by small children due to small parts." and "Clothing made from special secret formula." as seen on Dragonball Z models.
SUPERSTAR ROCKSTAR KUNG-FU ALLSTAR! (Which is a lot of responsibility for one person when you think about it... All-time Dodger 1999... or Ranma!)
Can't forget the infamous "All your base belong to us"
