An "Impossible" Question
Jun. 4th, 2001 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteNo, this isn't a rhetorical question, like what is the sound of one hand clapping, or what is the one question you can't say yes to?
Rather, an unfinished series I wrote, based on the events of my freshmen year in high school. I organized events by putting them in a diary, and from the diary, I write the stories. If I post the entries here, would anyone be objecting to the story part? They're all real... the entries would be in prose form, and I'd love to hear some feedback on them so I could avoid the same mistakes twice.
Since I don't want this entry to be horrendously short, here's a preview of what the first "Impossible" entry would be if I posted it here...
I'm no fortune teller, but when you have a BAD dream about a guy, isn't an omen? I mean, you can daydream about guys, and marrying them, dating them, kissing them... but what about sitting by their side in a hospital? I had this weird dream about that. I saw Jason on a stretcher, passed out cold or something. I was watching from what seemed like another dimensional plane, because I was close, but really far, too. Weird...
The other day, I had a class to attend after school. Just my luck, it happened to be right near the back field, where track classes and soccer games were held.
*Soccer...* Something struck a bell. Firstly, Jason was the company commander for my 6th period ROTC class, so I ALWAYS saw him, and he was Mr. Immaculate, so he would never be tardy, not even if he broke his leg. I didn't know how right I would be.
I finally realized WHY it struck a nerve. As the company commander, he could talk to the students as a group all the time, you know, for prepping us on what was coming up. He was friends with all the other guys, even though most of them were younger than him- like Michael, Ben, and the higher guy, the brigade commander, the one who graded all of us and could actually hold a candle to Mr. Immaculate, Alex. Of course, he was friendly towards all us freshmen too, like Eva and Sung and me.
Anyways, it stuck a nerve because he always talked to ALL of us like we were his friends, and he causally mentioned how he was the Goalie for our school's soccer team. I wanted to go out and watch him one of these days... without him noticing of course...
So, I had this meeting, and he was playing soccer. I simply stared at him from several yards away for a good five minutes, and for me staring at a guy, that is a record. I mean, most guys can barely keep me interested for more than two seconds. So, I had this meeting, and I HAD to go in and attend... I managed to distract myself with the work for the first hour and a half. Then, as the last half-hour rolled around, I sat on my desk (as it was a casual class, the teacher didn't care) and stared at the back field. He was nowhere to be seen. Instead, at the Goal net, was some guy not even in our school's colors... some garish mix of yellow and black and a scary pattern of what looked like rainbow colored letters. He looked like an over-sized bee.
Finally, the meeting was dismissed. I had broken my watch, and I had the inkling that I had to go home, like, now, or risk Mother's Wrath, which basically meant going without dinner... and on this particular night, I was not up for that. But still... I stayed to watch him, and see the game through. I hadn't had enough guts to ask anyone- players, teachers, NO ONE, what the score was, who we were playing. I stood in one spot for forty-plus minutes.
So for forty minutes, I silently cheered the team on. I turned away for a brief moment, and then, when I faced him- or where he HAD BEEN- I saw him lying prone on the grass.
"Oh my god... what happened ?" I had breathed.
I stood, watching, as tears threatened to fall from my hazel eyes. I watched as the team, and one member of the opposing side made their way to Jason's side. In a matter of minutes, they had lifted him up, and were hoisting him, limping leg and all, across the field.
"Jason... Jason..." I murmured again and again, fearing for him and his health for some reason beyond my common sense perceptions.
It was minutes before I turned my riveted eyes from where he was, and saw what happened- again. A crowd had formed around him, and it was ten minutes before they parted.
He was on the ground again! Why wasn't he moving?! Why were they just... staring down at him?! Gods he couldn't be... it was... I mean, it was IMPOSSIBLE!
Present Tense Note: I stopped writing "Impossible" because, for one, it was very difficult to write every event that happened, and two, it was becoming very disheartening to stick to the "truth" of the story. I tried adapting it into a Sailor Moon AU, to try and distance it somewhat from my life, but that failed. I don't think writing fanfics that are so similar to real life events is healthy. It doesn't allow for healing or a proper perspective. While the chapters of "Impossible" that I did write serve as a sort of reminder of ME back then-- my feelings, my attitude, and my writing style-- I don't think they deserve a place as fanfiction anywhere on the web.
Rather, an unfinished series I wrote, based on the events of my freshmen year in high school. I organized events by putting them in a diary, and from the diary, I write the stories. If I post the entries here, would anyone be objecting to the story part? They're all real... the entries would be in prose form, and I'd love to hear some feedback on them so I could avoid the same mistakes twice.
Since I don't want this entry to be horrendously short, here's a preview of what the first "Impossible" entry would be if I posted it here...
I'm no fortune teller, but when you have a BAD dream about a guy, isn't an omen? I mean, you can daydream about guys, and marrying them, dating them, kissing them... but what about sitting by their side in a hospital? I had this weird dream about that. I saw Jason on a stretcher, passed out cold or something. I was watching from what seemed like another dimensional plane, because I was close, but really far, too. Weird...
The other day, I had a class to attend after school. Just my luck, it happened to be right near the back field, where track classes and soccer games were held.
*Soccer...* Something struck a bell. Firstly, Jason was the company commander for my 6th period ROTC class, so I ALWAYS saw him, and he was Mr. Immaculate, so he would never be tardy, not even if he broke his leg. I didn't know how right I would be.
I finally realized WHY it struck a nerve. As the company commander, he could talk to the students as a group all the time, you know, for prepping us on what was coming up. He was friends with all the other guys, even though most of them were younger than him- like Michael, Ben, and the higher guy, the brigade commander, the one who graded all of us and could actually hold a candle to Mr. Immaculate, Alex. Of course, he was friendly towards all us freshmen too, like Eva and Sung and me.
Anyways, it stuck a nerve because he always talked to ALL of us like we were his friends, and he causally mentioned how he was the Goalie for our school's soccer team. I wanted to go out and watch him one of these days... without him noticing of course...
So, I had this meeting, and he was playing soccer. I simply stared at him from several yards away for a good five minutes, and for me staring at a guy, that is a record. I mean, most guys can barely keep me interested for more than two seconds. So, I had this meeting, and I HAD to go in and attend... I managed to distract myself with the work for the first hour and a half. Then, as the last half-hour rolled around, I sat on my desk (as it was a casual class, the teacher didn't care) and stared at the back field. He was nowhere to be seen. Instead, at the Goal net, was some guy not even in our school's colors... some garish mix of yellow and black and a scary pattern of what looked like rainbow colored letters. He looked like an over-sized bee.
Finally, the meeting was dismissed. I had broken my watch, and I had the inkling that I had to go home, like, now, or risk Mother's Wrath, which basically meant going without dinner... and on this particular night, I was not up for that. But still... I stayed to watch him, and see the game through. I hadn't had enough guts to ask anyone- players, teachers, NO ONE, what the score was, who we were playing. I stood in one spot for forty-plus minutes.
So for forty minutes, I silently cheered the team on. I turned away for a brief moment, and then, when I faced him- or where he HAD BEEN- I saw him lying prone on the grass.
"Oh my god... what happened ?" I had breathed.
I stood, watching, as tears threatened to fall from my hazel eyes. I watched as the team, and one member of the opposing side made their way to Jason's side. In a matter of minutes, they had lifted him up, and were hoisting him, limping leg and all, across the field.
"Jason... Jason..." I murmured again and again, fearing for him and his health for some reason beyond my common sense perceptions.
It was minutes before I turned my riveted eyes from where he was, and saw what happened- again. A crowd had formed around him, and it was ten minutes before they parted.
He was on the ground again! Why wasn't he moving?! Why were they just... staring down at him?! Gods he couldn't be... it was... I mean, it was IMPOSSIBLE!
Present Tense Note: I stopped writing "Impossible" because, for one, it was very difficult to write every event that happened, and two, it was becoming very disheartening to stick to the "truth" of the story. I tried adapting it into a Sailor Moon AU, to try and distance it somewhat from my life, but that failed. I don't think writing fanfics that are so similar to real life events is healthy. It doesn't allow for healing or a proper perspective. While the chapters of "Impossible" that I did write serve as a sort of reminder of ME back then-- my feelings, my attitude, and my writing style-- I don't think they deserve a place as fanfiction anywhere on the web.
