Cafe, cafe, cafe, cafe!

[azurite]

Damn, I've got that DDR song stuck in my head. "Cafe, cafe, cafe cafe, cafe cafe cafe!" or something.

Okay, so a couple of new things:
(1) Seems I grossly misinterpreted what was going on with god_101 in terms of someone dying or whatnot. Of course I'm still extremely worried about him, but everyone handles break ups (as the case truly was, not someone dying like I thought) differently. If he wants to be open to the help that his friends are willing to give, then my offer still stands. But I won't put mental strain on myself taking blame for something I honestly have no control over.

(2) Okay, I'm making one giant exception to my own rule that I posted for the contest on weekly_ygo. In this week's issue (#20), I decided in lieu of an Editor's Choice, I'd hold two contests, one for a community layout/icons, and one for WikiFic. The deal is, whoever makes the community layout and icons will get a paid account (or extra time/userpics, whatever, if they already have a paid account) and whoever adds the most full-length, brand-new articles to WikiFic within the next week will get their very own unlimited subdomain on seventh-star.net (or, if they don't want a seventh-star.net subdomain, I will register a domain of their choice -that is currently available, of course- for two years and host a Yu-Gi-Oh fansite and related material). I thought this was a great idea, but no one commented on it AT ALL in the post. So this is the ONE place where I will pimp the contest, in the hopes that people simply spread it by word of mouth, comments in LJs, etc. I don't want anyone else MAKING POSTS about it, but everything else is fine, and I hope we get some participation. If you have any questions, see the latest issue or just ask me. :)

(3) Yuck, Jury Duty. And I can't get out of it, because it's the second time I've postponed it, and saying you're related to a lawyer, a socialist/communist, a student, too far away, don't have a car, don't have money to get there... none of it works. They see that I live a mere 9 miles away from the Van Nuys courthouse, and I get slammed with Jury Duty. Worse, one of my bosses said I can kiss Japan goodbye if I end up getting stuck in a trial that lasts months on end. I just hope I don't get called at all, but my Group number is *1* so what's the chance of that? *sigh* At least I'll be getting paid next week, and I found a decent, cheap bus schedule for getting there if I can't get a ride from Grandpa.

(4) Inspiration... for the wrong thing. I have ideas for almost all of my 30kisses, but getting them written out is another matter altogether. I've started most of the good ones, and unfortunately they have the potential to turn out to be long -sort of like how I didn't think about Prophecy Girl, Something to Somebody, and Death and Absolution would be multi-chapter whoppers, but THEY ARE! But if I do want this to be one of my 30kisses, I have to figure out how it could work for a theme that isn't taken, and not make it look like it's part of Prophcy Girl (because one particular scene -no dirty jokes involved, honest!- totally screams Prophecy Girl, and I don't want that). The only problem is, I only have 2 themes that don't have any ideas for them at all, and that's because they're the hardest themes for me: #17 - kilohertz, and #21: violence; pillage/plunder; extortion. This idea I *MIGHT* be able to make work for #21, but it would likely take a very different turn than I intended (and still be Prophecy Girl-esque because of it).

But the very beginning of the fic just makes me giddy because it's so evil. :> Well, in my mind, anyway.

Comments

[god-101.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about me. Its a battle I have to fight for myself.
I have alcohol now, so i'm coping a bit better.

As far as death in family... this is by far x1000 times worse.

[azurite]

I do worry about you, and that IS something I can control and you can't. You're my friend, so I'm allowed :P

Alcohol doesn't make the problem go away though, and if you haven't been eating the way you're supposed to, it will only fuck you up more AND YOU KNOW THAT. You're smarter than this.

And I don't mean to take offense against your sadness, but have the comfort of knowing that even if someone is no longer in your life the way they used to be, at least they are alive. There's a certain sense of security you get from that, regardless of whether or not you're "with" that person. I can't ever speak to my sister again, no ifs ands or buts about it. And it HURTS knowing that, and regretting things when someone can really, truly never come back is a pointless exercise. On the other hand, knowing that your relationship with someone has changed still can have a matter of hope in it - you can change, circumstances can change, and life will go on. You will stop regretting the things you could have said and done, because you can't change WHAT IS, just like you can't change when someone has died.

But don't trivialize death. Maybe it wouldn't matter as much to you if someone in your family died, but "death in family" -- seriously, I've hurt pretty bad with my breakups before, and they've been all kinds of nasty, but nothing -NOTHING- will ever fill that void in me where my sister used to be. She is gone and cannot come back, but there are always more friends and lovers out there that can help me get over a break up. That's what we're all here for you for, so please remember that. :)

[god-101.livejournal.com]

You and I are different then.

Death in family is taking it literally...
On March 28th, 2006, my great-aunt/godmother died. She was the closest person I was connected with in my family and the only one I care about in my family...

And I didn't cry over her...

THe pain is not comparable...

[azurite]

Pain is not measured in tears. I didn't cry at my sister's funeral, either. Or my grandmother's, my aunt's, or my uncle's. I have had a lot of death in my life. I've also had two distinctly harsh breakups, and while I did cry a lot and they hurt a shitload, I LEARNED FROM THEM, and guess what, I'm still friends with both people because I decided it wasn't worth it to kill myself or make myself suffer THAT much for.

Those two people are both people I would die for -if they needed my organs, my blood, I'd give it in a second. If someone shot at them, I'd take the bullet. They mean that much to me. But I wouldn't have the ability to do those things if I killed myself.

Let me rephrase: If you love someone so much that you're willing to give your life for them, why aren't you willing to LIVE for that person as well, even if you can't BE with that person? Taking your own life (and I hope to all hell that was a passing whim of yours, and a seriously sick joke) doesn't do anything for anybody -not you, not her, not your family, not your friends. It just leaves a mess and solves nothing. Muddling your way through it like the rest of us means you are a survivor, a learner, a trooper.

And for the record, it's only now that I'm realizing how stubborn you are, but if I have to butt heads with you to keep you talking or thinking even a little positively, then I can put up with the headache. I'm stubborn as all hell too, and why for you? Because YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I CARE.

"'It's up to you,' she said to me. She knew I wanted to be free." XD

[rhapsody-dragon.livejournal.com]

X3 I DDRed to that yesterday on the machine. <3

Re: "'It's up to you,' she said to me. She knew I wanted to be free." XD

[azurite]

SRSLY? What mix is it from? I just grabbed all the songs from my Stepmania install and dumped them into my iPod, so I have no idea about most of the DDR songs, where they're from, or who did them. :D

Hi, by the way.

Re: "'It's up to you,' she said to me. She knew I wanted to be free." XD

[rhapsody-dragon.livejournal.com]

Uhh...the 5th mix machine? o.o;; I don't remember exactly. I have two versions of that on my computer, but I didn't think about the mixes. It's a DDR-USA machine--it has Moonlight Shadow on it, so I'm guessing 5th mix. XD It's an awesome machine with like...a bazillion songs on it.

X3; *waves* (I'm so weird with my online time now, sorry. D:)

[staplerx.livejournal.com]

Cafe is from 4th Mix+, it also shows up in 5th Mix.