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azuriteThe second of three challenges offered by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
suppis_tenshi on anichallenge. I'm only answering two of them, the other one in a previous entry (see "Eat Your Words Beautiful"). There's also two more challenges posted today. Check them out!
The second of the three challenges suppis_tenshi offered atanichallenge. I'm only answering these two, so here goes:
The Korean adage (quoted below) is quoted from Diana Brown's "Blue Dragon" (I assume it's a book, and not a fanfiction, but who knows?)
Love is a lying word.
That you love me, another lie.
That my love is seen in dreams, is yet a greater lie
How may I, who can never sleep, hope to see you in my dreams?
You don't love me.
You say you do, but it's just not possible.
You don't love any one person. You love everyone, you love the world, you love the thought of love.
It's such a romantic thing for you, because you don't really understand. You don't understand that when you really, truly love something, it always slips from your grasp. That when you actually find yourself devoted to someone, they go and leave you.
That's how love works. That's just the way it is.
You don't love me, because you're still here. You're still talking to me, smiling at me, even though I've done nothing to warrant any such gestures. Why do you even bother? Your friends still hate me, but you're content with speaking to me all the same. You even greet me in the mornings at school, and wave goodbye when I leave.
I don't say anything in return, and I will never wave back.
You ask me to come with you and 'the guys' to karaoke, or to Burger World. You know I will always decline, but you always ask. It's not out of polite necessity-- I'm not actually part of your 'group,' so why do you bother? Why waste your time and energy on someone like me?
But you keep holding out hope. You're strange like that, I suppose. What will it take to finally break you, and get you to realize that nothing is ever that simple, that easy? It wasn't enough for you to lose someone you loved --and I know you loved him, I saw the way you looked at him, when you thought no one else noticed. You keep smiling.
Perhaps inside, you've fallen apart, and you just choose not to show it.
Does that make you stronger than I, who have worked so long, so many years, at rebuilding the me that fell apart? The me that crumbled when my parents died...?
You told me that even if I refused your advances in the waking world, you would come to me in my dreams, and there, the pressures of the outside world would fall away. In my dreams, you said, there would be no company reports to look at, no duels to win or lose, and no negative emotions.
But that's all they are-- dreams. They always sound too good, too perfect to be true, and that's because they are. They're all just lies...
All of your words, lies.
And you know that you're lying when you smile at me like that, when you corner me in the hallways at lunch. I don't know how you always find me, and I guess I really don't care so much. Sometimes it's a bit nice to have company, but...
We both know it can never happen.
Because you will never tell your friends where you go at lunch, and I can never devote enough time to you. Time is all I would be able to give you even if I had it... it's not as if I have a heart to share. I'm sure of it.
If I did, then wouldn't my heart beat fast when you brushed your lips against mine, that first time in the emergency stairwell? Wouldn't my face have been a brilliant shade of red, or my hands trembling and clammy? But they weren't, and you knew it. You felt it, you saw. I didn't react at all --I couldn't. I still can't. I can't love you. I don't know why you would even want me to...
You keep speaking of dreams though, of a fantasy world where everything is just the way you wish it to be. Where I kiss you back and hold you, where the outside world fades away and all that's left is that same sort of warm comfort you probably get from a restful night sleeping in a comfortable bed.
But how can I, who never sleeps, who is always cold and heartless to you, see you in my dreams?
How can you possibly love one... such as I?
..END..
suppis_tenshi on anichallenge. I'm only answering two of them, the other one in a previous entry (see "Eat Your Words Beautiful"). There's also two more challenges posted today. Check them out!The second of the three challenges suppis_tenshi offered at
anichallenge. I'm only answering these two, so here goes:The Korean adage (quoted below) is quoted from Diana Brown's "Blue Dragon" (I assume it's a book, and not a fanfiction, but who knows?)
Love is a lying word.
That you love me, another lie.
That my love is seen in dreams, is yet a greater lie
How may I, who can never sleep, hope to see you in my dreams?
You don't love me.
You say you do, but it's just not possible.
You don't love any one person. You love everyone, you love the world, you love the thought of love.
It's such a romantic thing for you, because you don't really understand. You don't understand that when you really, truly love something, it always slips from your grasp. That when you actually find yourself devoted to someone, they go and leave you.
That's how love works. That's just the way it is.
You don't love me, because you're still here. You're still talking to me, smiling at me, even though I've done nothing to warrant any such gestures. Why do you even bother? Your friends still hate me, but you're content with speaking to me all the same. You even greet me in the mornings at school, and wave goodbye when I leave.
I don't say anything in return, and I will never wave back.
You ask me to come with you and 'the guys' to karaoke, or to Burger World. You know I will always decline, but you always ask. It's not out of polite necessity-- I'm not actually part of your 'group,' so why do you bother? Why waste your time and energy on someone like me?
But you keep holding out hope. You're strange like that, I suppose. What will it take to finally break you, and get you to realize that nothing is ever that simple, that easy? It wasn't enough for you to lose someone you loved --and I know you loved him, I saw the way you looked at him, when you thought no one else noticed. You keep smiling.
Perhaps inside, you've fallen apart, and you just choose not to show it.
Does that make you stronger than I, who have worked so long, so many years, at rebuilding the me that fell apart? The me that crumbled when my parents died...?
You told me that even if I refused your advances in the waking world, you would come to me in my dreams, and there, the pressures of the outside world would fall away. In my dreams, you said, there would be no company reports to look at, no duels to win or lose, and no negative emotions.
But that's all they are-- dreams. They always sound too good, too perfect to be true, and that's because they are. They're all just lies...
All of your words, lies.
And you know that you're lying when you smile at me like that, when you corner me in the hallways at lunch. I don't know how you always find me, and I guess I really don't care so much. Sometimes it's a bit nice to have company, but...
We both know it can never happen.
Because you will never tell your friends where you go at lunch, and I can never devote enough time to you. Time is all I would be able to give you even if I had it... it's not as if I have a heart to share. I'm sure of it.
If I did, then wouldn't my heart beat fast when you brushed your lips against mine, that first time in the emergency stairwell? Wouldn't my face have been a brilliant shade of red, or my hands trembling and clammy? But they weren't, and you knew it. You felt it, you saw. I didn't react at all --I couldn't. I still can't. I can't love you. I don't know why you would even want me to...
You keep speaking of dreams though, of a fantasy world where everything is just the way you wish it to be. Where I kiss you back and hold you, where the outside world fades away and all that's left is that same sort of warm comfort you probably get from a restful night sleeping in a comfortable bed.
But how can I, who never sleeps, who is always cold and heartless to you, see you in my dreams?
How can you possibly love one... such as I?
..END..
