![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteEven more review replies, taken directly from the page at FFnet/my email. These review replies would have appeared in Chapter 14. I don't include the actual reviews FOR SOME OF THEM; go to FFnet or MMorg and look at the Review History if you want to see them. If people start reading the fic from the beginning and reviewing for the earlier chapters, I'll update this (and the other) chapter page(s) with replies to them as I see fit.
These replies are new!!
Also, new format for replying to LONG reviews-- I'll post my replies in PLAIN TEXT font, with no italicization or bolding. They'll appear between paragraphs of long reviews!
wackoramaco87 -- Oh no! Poor Tea! I wonder what will happen next?! I can't wait for the next few chapters...I hope there will be more romance in them... =D
P.S. I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your longer chapters, it's just so much fun to savor each "bite"
P.P.S. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Oh yes, romance is definitely coming. But I like to keep a good balance of everything, so I can't promise anything super-long-lasting... ^_^ You've got me thinking of WDKY as some sort of large chocolate chip cookie, though. @_o "Bites," huh? Well, I write to length; whether you think they're long or not is up to you. Thanks again!
dragontamer101 -- Why am I not surprised... Ah...I wonder how they're gonna get out of this one. Being stuck with the Big 5...can't say I envy Tea.
But aren't you surprised, even a little bit? I hope so-- even with these shorter, vaguely predictable chapters, I like to keep a bit of interesting "WHA-!?" in them. As per usual, there will definitely be an "interesting" way for Téa to get out of this sticky situation, but I won't say what way that will be. I wouldn't envy her either, though. Duct tape... blech!
WinterWing3000 -- OMG! Tea's BEING KITTY-NAPPED!! BY THE BIG FIVE TOO! T.T I hate those fucking assholes (sorry for the language, couldn't resist...) not to mention Crump... ""You're allowed to speak now, Téa," Crump smiled toothily, gesturing to the two special police to leave the office. A few other suits remained, seated around an oblong table, each of them leering at her. Most wore sunglasses on their faces, but it didn't take a vivid imagination to memorize each and every one of their appearances.
'You're all going to pay for what you've done to my family...'"
Toothy smile from Crump... just plain freaky *shudders* And HELL YEAH THEY'RE GONNA PAY! And hopefully soon too! *nods head approvingly* I think you have the full potential to murder those pysco creepos! So update Chapters 14, 15 and 16 soon! I'll be checking it out now and then!
I'm glad you so passionately hate Crump and the other Big Five-- I wrote them like that on purpose. They're NOT good guys, you're supposed to hate them. It's not like I'll ever show things from their perspective, but I do try to keep it realistic in the sense that even guys we deem totally evil, lecherous, and heartless have reasons behind the things they do. Whether those are "good" reasons is a matter of opinion.
But I like the whole idea of picking the Big Five off one by one-- so expect to see the rest of them again. (If it wasn't clear, the other suits with Crump are NOT the rest of the Big Five.)
aer-seph4eva -- I really like your style Azurite, although I have to admit I prefer your lengthier chapters opposed to the shorter ones. However, I understand due to time constraints and the fact that you have a life, that this fic has to take backstage. Generally, my fics fluctuate in length, sometimes they are 2500 words a chapter, then others are over 30 pages long... so yeah, I can understand when you feel that short chappies are more preferable some weeks than others. (it helps with the flow of updates...)
My chapters are going to fluctuate, same as yours do-- it's a sad truth that some love (faster updates) and some hate (pain in the butt to read). The chapters are all planned out; it's just a matter of turning ideas and scenes into full-on prose.
Anywho, back to the point...Your earlier comment ‘mentioning on the plagiarising...’ That's a load of nonsense...your originality has surprised and awed me...and your 600+ reviews is enough proof of that ^_^. I have to be honest here, I was told to read this fic by my cousin, and frankly back then I knew as much about Yugioh as you can put on the edge of a stamp. *er...sweatdrops*. However, when I read this fic, I became fascinated with the character portrayal of Seto, and his relationship with the rest of the characters. Especially Mokuba and Tea. There was something about him which immediately attracted me to him...
I'm glad! I love it when people recommend the fic, not to mention find more interest in the fandom because of it. Being a writer of what most consider a crack pairing (then again, most pairings are crack pairings in Yu-Gi-Oh), I hope to stimulate people not just into liking the pairing and perhaps also writing for it, but also watching the show or reading the manga and saying "Hey, that JUST MIGHT WORK!" Obviously, I have to draw on my information from somewhere, even if I've deviated beyond the scope of Yu-Gi-Oh's themes in this fic.
um, getting slightly off the point but have you read any of my fics. TLAA. Aeris/Sephiroth? what I truly love about this pairing is how to reconcile two opposing forces through the similarities of their differences. (Did that make any sense?). And that is what I found in the pairing of Seto and Anzu. They are both ultimately different. Seto with his arrogance and ignorance masking his inner insecurities and weaknesses, while Anzu, at first glance appears superficial, has a greater depth to her personality than what a lot of people would assume or even believe. Kinda like Aer/Seph.
While I love the idea of opposing forces or ideas making for an interesting pairing (so long as it's written well), I'm not the least bit active in the FFVII fandom. Matter of fact, I never finished playing the game, so while I can squeal at Sephiroth's CG-version in "Advent Children," I can't say I know two cents about him-- hence, I won't read fics from that fandom. I like to be relatively well-versed with a fandom before writing for it.
As for Seto’s relationship with Mokuba, it is absolutely kawaii...Seto’s tender side is revealed and in a way helps the reader understand Seto better, for after all he is quite a complex character...um...this may sound rather silly but I am madly fascinated by the Star signs. .A couple of weeks ago I was searching across the net and I discovered to my surprise, (or more realistically, lack of) that Seto was a Scorpio. But not just any Scorpio, but he was born on the 25th October! I know this is just co-incidence but my Dad, Aunt and my boyfriend Kieron are all born on the same day...And to make it even more weirder is that my Dad was an orphan at ten years old, while my Kier’s parents (bless them) died in a car crash when he was ten...I’m sure the age 10 has nothing to do with the connection, but I thought it was REALLY STRANGE about my boyfriend and my dad both losing their parents and being born on the same day, let alone a made-up anime creation having a similar past... I’m probably going too deep on this, but it did kinda freak me out about the similarities...
Some people don't like how I've characterized Seto's relationship with Mokuba, but I am trying to keep him in-character- the thing is, we rarely, if ever, see ANY of the characters outside of their interaction with others. That means we never see Seto and Mokuba interact when Yugi and Co. AREN'T there... which means we don't know if he's snarky to his brother when he's away from them, or if it's just around the others. With someone like Seto, you might never know. I try to make "educated guesses."
Believe it or not, I'm very much into astrology myself, and when I found out the star signs of all the Yu-Gi-Oh characters, I realized how on-tack they were. Of course, for the purposes of WDKY, I had to change Téa's birthday-- however, I pointed out that she was NEARLY born premature as a Leo (August 18th). Her ascendant (rising sign) is also Leo, to keep some of her personality traits the same. The fact that she's now a Sagittarius at least partially explains why she's so brash sometimes (but there are plenty of great qualities Sagittarians have that are coming through great in Téa!)
The show never really goes too in-depth as to what happened to Seto's parents. We know that their mother died in childbirth (giving birth to Mokuba), but as for what happened to their father, all we know is that he died when Mokuba was 3 and Seto was 9 (about). And despite it being done before (even in the same way, I imagine), I did need Téa to have to "grow up fast" and also learn a sort of independence-- I couldn't do that if her parents were around... so I had to kill them off (ah! I feel bad saying it like that). Part of the way through, I decided to introduce a sneaky evil plot-- that it wasn't an accident at all. This is something that will keep coming back in future chapters of WDKY-- it'll even be in the sequel. So, disturbing as it is, the starting point is always important.
Similarities between anime and IRL people are always strange, though... (Can't say I have anything in common with Tristan, and he's the Aries out of the group!)
This then brings me onto your characterisation of Seto. Well...what can I say *shrugs*. You have it P for Perfect. I know I have not watched all the episodes of Yugioh. (I have only seen at least 6 of the Marik saga and 3 at the beginning of Pegasus?) and therefore my representation of Seto will be untimely biased towards my psychology and observation of my family AND my chockload of info I know about Star signs. But what is truly amazing is how you have got Seto as a perfect example of a Scorpio.
What is significant about Scorpio’s is the depth and intellect of their character. And as my b/f states, ‘he is only interested with more than just a superficial image’. I think K means that Scorpios are only interested with people of substance...This could link to Seto’s character of seeming arrogant as he truly believes that there is no-one else about him, nor anyone who is less than face value. However, the narrative of Gardner’s parent’s death turns Tea into much more than a superficial image but a puzzle he wants to decode.
I do hope I've got Seto characterized well-- anything too grossly OOC and my betas will always call me on it. In the meanwhile, I rely on canon material and what I know of Scorpios (let's see: my boyfriend's a Scorpio, as are several guys I know... I think they make for good templates of Seto, even if I don't know any "real-life Kaibas.") There are varieties of course-- so it's up to people like us to try and figure out when his ascendant is, because that can honestly make the difference. Any ideas?
But you are right about Scorpios in the sense that they seem to want something more than "plastic" when they see people. Before, he never thought of Téa as more than a simpering cheerleader, but with the death of her parents and the way she reacted, he sees something different, something interesting-- so he pursues it.
Another layer of a Scorpio’s life is that they are observers more than participators. This gives them an understanding of life, and a seriousness (when they are not being sarcastic of course) towards everything in general. I think you managed to create that idea well at the beginning of your fic, when Seto was observing Tea’s reactions of her parent’s death.
To be quite generic, and with the support of knowledge from Kier and my father, Scorpio’s have a good knowledge and can be quite vindictive...and I think you have achieved this quite well in this fic. I must state again that I don’t know whether Seto is a vengeful type in the anime/manga, but your style of writing has managed to capture that he is not a truly romancing fool/forgive and forget type...but...a dark character who is reluctant to show his true emotions, yet keeps a barrier of coolness as it makes him feel safe and secure. This leads to Scorpio and secrets...I don’t have to watch Yugioh to know that Seto has more than a few skeleton’s in his closet, and I know for a fact Scorpio’s HATE anyone knowing their secrets. As my b/f threatens that he will pin up every embarrassing photo and such if I dare slip any of his secrets...
Whether or not you think Seto is vengeful depends on whether you look at the manga as well. If you do, Seto was a right asshole in the beginning, since he tried to kill Yugi and his friends on a number of occasions. But he seemed to have an "awakening" after that, in which he realized it was not about killing someone to get what he wanted, but just triumphing the way he should-- by fighting, and not giving up. Killing someone is sort of like cheating...
As for Kaiba, I'd hate to see what he'd do if someone let loose any of HIS secrets. He already threatened some guys from a tabloid when they tried to delve into Téa's past-- and "all" he did was storm in, make a fool out of the reporter, beat up on the editor, and cut off their printer. ^^; Heaven forbid anyone ever publicly humiliate HIM!
Meanie...*pouts*...
But anywho, I think you achieved that with how Seto’s character changes in a school environment or when he is with Mokuba and Tea.
I think Tea helps to compliment Seto as she is unconsciously giving everything Seto has ever wanted in his life. Such as the breadth of vision, optimism, faith, trust, and above all else generosity. It is generally said that Scorpios need to see the wealth in Nature and in life, not just money and power. A nice scene in your fic which would relate to this is the beach scene. I think that was the step where a relationship between S/A was finally confirmed, and showed how they cared for one another.
Whoo! You're hitting every one of the nails on the head, which I appreciate more than you know. Kaiba has, as you said, a variety of skeletons in his closet, but it's not like he's keeping them intentionally hidden away-- by now, he realizes the damage such secrets can do. But he's far from blabbing everything he's ever wanted to Téa-- rather, he's letting them both be pleasantly surprised by one another.
^_~ As for the beach scene earlier in the fic... eh, I wanted an excuse to get Kaiba hot and bothered. He never really bothered to take the time to appreciate things like the human form (or the female figure, as it were). Confronted with something and with little to no choice but to DO something, he acts. Even Kaiba can't be an observer forever, or else others would get ahead of him, and that's never acceptable.
As for Seto’s public image. You present him as a great aspiration where most people admire. I guess this is further supported since he is a CEO.
One nit bit of info, could show how Scorpios arrive in power/ reach their goals discreetly...as opposed to a Leo who needs extravagance and glamour. This could connect to Tea whose aim is to become a dancer, hence dramatic lifestyle, while Seto remains refined as the top of his league...
Kazuki Takahashi did most of the work with characterizing Seto accurately as a Scorpio. He did the same for all the other characters with a main focus-- Yugi as the Gemini, Joey as the Aquarius, and so on. Even more minor characters like Téa the Leo (originally) got fantastic characterization, and at least a little bit of depth. But in WDKY, Téa's not a Leo, so in a manner of speaking, her new star sign justifies some of the characterization changes I've made.
As for Scorpio’s being introverted. Yes that is definitely true. They hide behind a mask. I view them with layers. For example, your Seto shows off one facade to the world. Then there is another to his family. Then there is another to himself.
I think what is most important is of a Scorpio’s commitment. Although they have a negative streak of mistrust and doubt of others, but when they find someone they trust, man do they stick to what they care about...they definitely become possessive...if not a little obsessive... (No offence Kier if you ever read this...you know I love ya) It seems that you have touched upon this area with Seto caring for Tea, yet I think you need to further enforce this. You have to attempt to make Tea’s/Seto’s relationship be as bonded as Mokuba/Seto. If you don’t understand what I mean, you could always notify me by email and I’ll be more than happy to diverge further.
I think Shrek said it best when he said "onions have layers!" As do most people, but especially those like Seto-- the layers of course, are more like defenses. The more you break through, the more you find out about him. But the catch is, Seto's layers go up and down, sometimes with his knowing, other times not. It makes sense then, how he's somehow surprised by things, but other times he expects it, and just doesn't know how to act/react.
Believe me, the obsessive nature Kaiba's got is far from being gone completely. Repressed maybe, but not gone. It'll show up again as the fic progresses, and most definitely in the sequel. The process Seto is going through to bring Téa closer to him is slow-- as are most relationships, but especially with this one, since it's the first "real" one of this nature for either of them. While Téa can probably say she's been in love before (with Yami Yugi), Seto can't say that-- at least, not until now. Once the feeling really sets in, then his obsession can start to show.
I think you have done well with the transformation of his sides. Seto has definitely changed and is much more sweeter. But as I read some of your other reviewer’s views who thought it was OOC, I actually think it was just right. As Seto quoted in your chapter ‘cooking with Kaiba’. Tea is a part of his family and therefore it means their relationship moves from being platonic to something more greater, than Tea nor Kaiba have ever felt.
So to conclude...
EXCELLENT WORK!
To improve
I think the only thing you need to add is to make Seto as close to his sign is to make him more sarcastic/funny with his humour...that is...unless...Seto isn’t a sarcastic guy in the manga/anime.
In all Seto’s mellowed down. He trust’s Tea, and I think all your recent chapters have proved this quite enough.
Keep up the great work and I’ll be sure to give you more reviews in the future!
Things have changed since Seto initially "brought Téa into his family" and while he's definitely getting there again (in current chapters), it might be a while before he's so accepting. But you're right on target (again) with it being something that neither of them have ever felt before.
Ja ne
Aer_seph4eva
(Phew...this is like a mini essay...*sweatdrops*)
P.S
This is only a marginal point, but I like the Bakura scenes you wrote. Bakura IS the guy with the platinum hair right? Um, sorry for asking if its a stupid question, but does Bakura do tarot/can he dance? or is that your mere innovation of his character. (I really need to watch more Yugioh episodes. It took me so long to actually work out the Yami/Yugi, or Ryou/Bakura thing)
The Bakura dancing thing is something I came up with-- his character is far from fully realized in the series, even if he is an enemy throughout the entire anime/manga. However, he does have a strong interest in the occult, so while I've never seen him read tarot, I believe he would have a deck and read from it often.
Nachzes-Black Rider -- Nachzes: [shifty eyes] Shh...my host (not my hikari, my HOST) doesn't know I'm doing this. She's grounded from the computer for two weeks, and I'm using her cousin's un-passworded account to review. And boy am I disspointed. Only ONE fic that I'm interested in reading updated in TWO DAYS! ...And no reviews. At all. [mutters] Does NO ONE check their inbox?! DO they not KNOW?! I KNOW that I'm on 13 people's Author Alert list, but do they review Chapter Three of OA, N~O! Bastards... [growls under her breath] Yeah, well, sorry I'm bemoning this all to you. Eh, whatever.
[glomps the ficcie] 'Tis precious! GOOD chapter...[snickers] Tea-idjit is a HOSTA~GE! (Yeah, I know, I love SetoXAnzu, or SetoXTea with Anzu's personality, but I just can't resist bashing Tea. I HATE! [screams and chucks dart at Tez and Yami dart board] [glares at the Big Five] I hate you all...you shall die in my ficcies for what you did to precious Seto-kun! Die I say! DIE! [cakles and dissapears]
Azurite: [sweatdrops massivly at the weird review] Umm...okies then...
Lieh: [nods somberly] Oh yeah...she's hyper. Gilmore-kun fed her sugar agian. Foolish boy...[wanders off]
You pretty much answered my review for me. Should I say thank you?
HiEi JaGaNsHis FlAmE -- hell yeah your chapters are getting short but at least you'll make the next chapters longer
anyways this chapter was very good i hope this fic doesnt get infected by your sickness or whatever of not finishing it...so update soon.
@_o... sickness of not finishing? Sorry, never heard of that. WDKY will be finished (eventually), without a doubt.
Rin RavenIce -- Damn Big Five! I wanna ring their necks! ARGH!
*sigh* I think I'm okay now...wait.
AH!
Okay, I'm better.
Mokuba is so cute! "Kaiba's aren't weak!" His heart conflicts with his upbringing (meaning that he's a Kaiba) quite a bit. He never seems quite sure if he should be himself or like Seto.
I'd have to take a guess with this and say that it was Seto on the phone with Crump. I know you won't reveal anything, but I like guessing anyway.
Seto is getting closer, I can tell. He'll say it pretty soon. I just know it! hehehehe
It's nice to see him so concerned about somebody else for a change, rather than himself and Mokuba. It's so SWEET!
I think I'll draw some fanart for this story. Not sure what it will be, but I WILL do something.
<3 Mokuba! He always strikes me as the type that would grow up to have a lot of inner angst, because he was initially raised to be like his brother-- but then when Gozaburo died, Seto gave him a lot of freedom, and in a way, encouraged him NOT to be like Seto, but rather, his own person, and more childlike. But all the same, Mokuba is too influenced by Seto not to grow up at an accelerated pace, just like Seto did.
I won't say anything about when Seto will say "it" -- you have to read and review! But if you do fanart, email it to me! I want to see! ^_^v
Solar Kitty -- Oh man, oh man! Two chapters to review for! Well, firstly, I'm glad that Téa was able to work things out with Mokuba! And that the three of them are a family again. Mokuba is so adorable ^_^
I'm a little disappointed that Téa would make such a bad decision, but that's what gives this a good storyline and it helps with the suspense! lol tsk tsk Ms. Téa! And I'm actually glad that Mokuba chewed out Seto like that! He is the most adorable kid ever! *squee!* I can't wait for the next chapter! Oh, and the short chapters were a surprise, but I think it's good to have a balance of incredibly long chapters and short, reliving chapters. Besides, shorter chapters are the best ones to use when you want a cliffhanger ending! Good work and happy holidays ^__^
PS- Please let Mai and Joey work things out soon!
Hmm, just for the sake of things, I'm going to say that Mokuba and Téa's resolution is a temporary fix. It'll come back later, though in what form and when, I can't say.
As for Téa and her bad decision-- well, there's two sides to that. One is that Téa knew it was a bad idea, but she had no other choice if she wanted to get the truth, and the second side is that she's only human, and prone to making mistakes and not being prepared.
I can also see Mokuba chewing Seto out if the circumstances were right-- after all, he does have to take after his brother somehow, right?
Thanks for understanding my need for chapters alternating between long and short-- it's a necessary evil, I guess. As for more necessary evils, Mai and Joey's relationship will come back into the fore-- but again, they're a minor pairing, so you really have to keep your eyes peeled!
DarkShadowFlame -- Why do bad guys *do* that? And by 'that', I mean assume that someone who's life has been ruined by their plans will suddenly turn around and help them for the slightest incentive. I admit, here the incentive isn't 'slight', but still. Did the Big 5 really expect Tea to help them? (And why, Go, WHY did she actually go meet them?)
I'm sure the Big Five have so much more than "helping" Téa when they made the offer-- but of course, that would be giving away my secrets. As for why Téa went-- well, she felt she had no choice. Obviously there is more to the death of her parents and the Big Five's mystery than any of them are letting on, and it's an unfortunate truth that the only people with the answers are the bad guys.
Y'know, if I were the Big 5, I'd go all Machiavelli and go on a killing spree. Just mow down all of Kaiba Corp. (Not really. But I've been obsessed with Machiavelli lately. I find him amusing.) I'm lucky I'm not the Big 5, and that they're actually pretty dumb and *way* outdone by Seto, Yugi, Joey, and the rest! Ah, happiness.
*grin* Don't worry, you might just see a hint of Machiavelli before the story's out. I won't say how or when (of course), but you might... But while I do think they're very intelligent people, they've all been blinded by greed, hence the mistakes they've made that have got them on the Most Wanted list. ^^;
Oh, and last chapter I did want to read the reviewer responses, but it took me *forever* to get to the right page. I couldn't find a direct link to either the WDKY page at Darkness Rising, or in face Darkness Rising at all. I found it eventually by going through the Animanga Collision, but is there an easier link that I'm completely missing? (Very likely)
There should have been a much easier route on the WDKY page, directly to the review replies. Now I'm hosting all the Review Replies here at LiveJournal, so keep going to my Memories/Review Replies to access them. I'm sorry about the confusion!
I don't mind the shorter chapters, in part because I feel that those long ones are a miracle. These aren't 'short', persay, except by comparison. And also, these last updates seemed to have come pretty quickly (YE-ES!).
Great job, as always!
DSF
A miracle? Yeah, sometimes getting those longer chapters out certainly seems like it. Thanks for understanding about the alternating lengths, though!
Celtic Rune -- Really, really good. (Same goes for the last chapter.)
Suspense may be an understatement ... it looks like your many adoring fans are rather riled again ... *grin*
Honestly? Short chapters could work well here. It would probably hold interest longer, and be less daunting to new readers.
Thank you very much! I do love working in suspense to the point of it being considered reader-torture though... *smiles* I also like the shorter chapters in "times of need." At a certain point, I just can't write any more for the chapter than I've planned it to have.
Depressed pixie -- woah greater. azurite i am nothing than a humble member of the public but can i ask u to read some fics of phoenix727 i highly recommend them:)
While I do appreciate the short, rather non-descript review, the review boards are not a place to pimp/advertise any one else's fanfiction. I did try to find this "phoenix727," but they weren't listed at FFnet, so I don't know where to look to find their fics. Sorry!
Dragonic Soul -- O.o Damm.
I think you mean 'Damn,' but *laughs* anyway!
Doma the Angel of Silence -- 'ello again Azurite,
I like the title of this chapter. And your plot just keeps getting thicker! Oh, delicious, no? And now the chapters aren't so long, you'll be updating more frequently? Did I say that in the last review? Dunno...can't remember... ^^;
I'll be checking back soon, and remember my sugestion for a Christmas YGO fic.
Hoping-for-xmas-fic,
Doma the Angel of Silence
Yup yup, the chapter titles are actually important! I don't think most people really take notice of them... *sigh* Anyway, I do happen to like thick plot. It makes for good ice cream, no? Hehehe... Anyway, updates... are not predictable. That's really all I can say about them. As for an Xmas fic, Chapter 16 is in the realm of being Christmas-centric, but as for an all-out-Christmas fic, it might be a while coming... I have too many other ideas to focus on holiday-specific fics.
Shadowed Mediocrity -- Not your writing? Huh! If the person who claimed this was someone near and dear to you, then forgive me when I say that they're a complete idiot. You have a very distinct writing style; not my favorite type, admittedly, but it's distinct and freshly your own. The chances that a ghostwriter would be able to mimic it are slim.. even given the fact that it's their chosen duty.
Thanks for the defense. People don't seem to realize how much it hurts when they say something doesn't seem like my writing; short of doing a very bad parody of my own works, I try to be consistent in all that I do. Admittedly, my style might change as the theme or mood of the chapter changes, but... not to the point where it could be construed as someone else's work. That hurt.
Now.. onto the usual review.
"just because they'd had a few close-calls in which Wheeler saved his hide... it didn't mean anything."
Is that sentence structure correctly? Is there some better way it could be phrased? It jarred my vision for a second there, and I wasn't sure why. Come to think of it, I'm still not.
Not sure of a better way of saying it. The intent of the sentence is that Kaiba was thinking Wheeler had "saved" him a few times-- but it didn't mean anything. Kaiba's not about to say he's indebted to Joey, nor is he going to suddenly become his best friend. That was what I wanted to get across with that sentence.
In the brief flashback, you have Kaiba down perfectly as I imagine him - possessive and impatient and demanding as ever. It doesn't quite fit with the gentler Kaiba that you showed in the earlier chapter.. but I won't get on with talking about that again.
It's all about circumstances. Kaiba was only gentler in the previous chapter because of what had happened-- and since the chapter was short, focusing on a very brief period of time (one day), there was a side of him that we really only saw for a bit. The other, longer chapters focused on a much more extended period of time (several days to several months), so we didn't see as many "unguarded" bursts like that, in which Kaiba's defenses were down.
"So why all the fake pretense?" Fake is a word that always makes me cringe and, I think, jars the flow of the story.. and the word typically used in conjunction with pretense is 'false pretenses', isn't it? What's wrong with 'false'?
True. It does sound weird-- so I changed it. ^_~ Thanks for the tip.
Just as a random notation - I think you're using a wee bit too much emphasis. In the screen I'm currently on, I see three bolded words in a scene that doesn't extend beyond a single screen - with spaces between the lines, no less.
"Make him think that I'mtricking Kaiba..." Small typo; you missed a space.
Also fixed.
"A cell phone rang, Crump's gaze drifting to one of the heavier-set men sitting near him." Wouldn't making this one sentence two separate sentences fit it better? (And changing it to 'drifted', of course.)
Again, fixed. Thanks for the tip.
The ending is a mite predictable - not too much so that it becomes a cliche, or worse, boring, but the mite's enough that I need to note it. However, I do know that you leave your reader on tenterhooks as to what will happen to Téa; which is very, very good for you.
Not so much for me, as I'll inevitably end up waiting a while, won't I? :P
Still too short for my taste.. but then again, I suppose it was the right length for crisp action; longer would have reduced it to tears. All I can do is leave you to be mobbed by your 600+ reviews, which should serve as a sufficient guilt-trip for you to update.
And if you haven't done it by January, *then* I'll come and fuss. :P
An early Merry Christmas! Write during the holidays!
Sometimes you can see the endings coming, at least from what I've set up so far. The beauty of WDKY is that there's always a little more mystery-- so many subplots, I wonder if everyone can count them all! I'm sorry if you end up waiting too long between updates-- I just can't force myself to write on a schedule. I have to write when the inspiration strikes-- and then get the fics beta'd when it's possible.
Thanks again for your thorough review!
Inu Kaiba -- @.@ HOSTAGE? HOSTAGE? Who was talking to her, to get them to think they simple weren't worried she's missing and... How is this story ever going to end if there's 36 chapters, wouldn't you lose intrest by then... And then no one'd find the ending... No! Update soon, please. I'd like to find the ending before I stop likeing YGO ;.; Hopefully that won't happen...
I don't plan on losing interest on this fic any time soon. There are times when I get struck by other fic ideas and things to do, but WDKY and its sequel are my babies, and I refuse to let them go for anything. Despite the series ending, very little has gotten me out of the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom since I started writing this (and other Yu-Gi-Oh fics) back in 2003. Hopefully you'll stay with it, too!
ChelseaDarkheart100 -- Excellent work. Very good story. I am also known as hermione_mikala_granger100@ Chelsea Lightheart. But I have a new SN for FFnet. Well anyway I love it if you'd email me this story I would love to print it out and read it over and over. I mean it this story is that good. I hope you do just as well on the next chapters as you did on these last few. Oh and if you want to chat some time you could either email me or if you have either AOL IM or Yahoo! IM you can chat to me on there. I'll give you my SNs to either one of them if you email me first asking for them. Well I better go and look at your site and I'll talk to you later.
FYI, you can't type domain names or close brackets in the review area at FFnet-- they will automatically get cut off. So I can't see your email-- the only way I'd be able to access it is through your profile, but I don't usually have time for that sort of thing-- review replies and this journal are the best way to hear from me re: the fic. If you do end up spotting me online, make sure to introduce yourself; I don't take too kindly to random IMs from people I don't know.
-Chelsea Darkheart
P.S. I can't believe I'm asking this but to make Yugi happy you could put a new character in the story...I'm basically refuring to myself. Sorry can't help myself. Anyways think about it you can use my first name 'Chelsea' and whatever last name you like, but I would really like being in your story. Well g2g ttyl.
P.S.S Think about it and Thank you.
Sorry, but no. I don't do anything to "make" someone happy, least of all Yugi. What he's going through in the fic is supposed to mimic real life, where the "right" or "perfect" person doesn't always come along when you wish they would. Yugi's still trying to deal with getting over Téa; even if I did introduce another OC (Chieko being the first), I wouldn't pair her off with Yugi. I don't believe that fics where "everyone is paired off" are necessary.
I also don't write on request; as I've said many times before, the fic is already entirely planned out-- all the characters, all the events. I won't randomly insert events or characters because someone asks for them.
gladdecease -- Yay for the new chapter! Boo for the shortness. I'm sorry if I misled you in an earlier review; I like the long chapters. They make it seem more like a book, which is good for this storyline of yours.
Are you going to really make Christmas chapters? That would be neat, though New Year's is the big holiday in Japan. You do what you like; a lot of authors branch anime out to accept their personal favorite holidays.
Your portrayal of Mokuba this chapter was incredibly realistic. I think you really captured the essence of crushed-by-crush-but-faithful-still throughout this subplot.
The information revealed about Crump and the situation at hand is thought-provoking. It made me wonder what was so important about the Gardners, and why the Big 5 desperately needed Kaiba out of the way.
All in all, an excellent job. Later!
The chapters are going to rotate length depending on content; there's really no master plan to the length of each chapter. I write until I feel like it's done. As for Christmas chapters, yes-- Chapters 15-16 are the holiday chapters, while Chapter 17 focuses on New Year's-- which yes, I realize, is the bigger holiday. That's why I tried to concentrate on Christmas being a big deal only within the group of characters, and at best, within the school/neighborhood.
Thanks for the compliments re: Mokuba; like his brother, he's a toughie to write, but not as tough to bring in. I wish I could get him more involved in the fic somehow! Also thanks for recognizing the work I put into the larger plot-- that Téa and Seto didn't get thrown together by chance and circumstance so much as the actions and reactions of other people. Both of them might have their ideas of fate and destiny utterly challenged by the events to come. But you'll have to read and see, ne?
Yokaigurl -- Heylo!
This is wicked! Please go on! I love this!!
Can you possibly look at some of my stories too? Well n e ways do your thang and keep the chapters long and short too.
I also think that Kaiba is eaither 3-5.
L8r peace Yokaigur
Thanks for the compliment... though as I've said to other reviewers, the review board is NOT a place to advertise your own fics. I'm glad to read other people's fics, but I usually only do it by recommendation from others. I'm also not prone to reading fics of authors who can't spell properly in reviews-- though reviews are always appreciated as a form of encouragement, it's the ones that are coherent that help me get better, and prompt me to write mroe and update faster.
What did you mean by "Kaiba is either a 3-5" though?
These replies are new!!
Also, new format for replying to LONG reviews-- I'll post my replies in PLAIN TEXT font, with no italicization or bolding. They'll appear between paragraphs of long reviews!
wackoramaco87 -- Oh no! Poor Tea! I wonder what will happen next?! I can't wait for the next few chapters...I hope there will be more romance in them... =D
P.S. I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your longer chapters, it's just so much fun to savor each "bite"
P.P.S. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Oh yes, romance is definitely coming. But I like to keep a good balance of everything, so I can't promise anything super-long-lasting... ^_^ You've got me thinking of WDKY as some sort of large chocolate chip cookie, though. @_o "Bites," huh? Well, I write to length; whether you think they're long or not is up to you. Thanks again!
dragontamer101 -- Why am I not surprised... Ah...I wonder how they're gonna get out of this one. Being stuck with the Big 5...can't say I envy Tea.
But aren't you surprised, even a little bit? I hope so-- even with these shorter, vaguely predictable chapters, I like to keep a bit of interesting "WHA-!?" in them. As per usual, there will definitely be an "interesting" way for Téa to get out of this sticky situation, but I won't say what way that will be. I wouldn't envy her either, though. Duct tape... blech!
WinterWing3000 -- OMG! Tea's BEING KITTY-NAPPED!! BY THE BIG FIVE TOO! T.T I hate those fucking assholes (sorry for the language, couldn't resist...) not to mention Crump... ""You're allowed to speak now, Téa," Crump smiled toothily, gesturing to the two special police to leave the office. A few other suits remained, seated around an oblong table, each of them leering at her. Most wore sunglasses on their faces, but it didn't take a vivid imagination to memorize each and every one of their appearances.
'You're all going to pay for what you've done to my family...'"
Toothy smile from Crump... just plain freaky *shudders* And HELL YEAH THEY'RE GONNA PAY! And hopefully soon too! *nods head approvingly* I think you have the full potential to murder those pysco creepos! So update Chapters 14, 15 and 16 soon! I'll be checking it out now and then!
I'm glad you so passionately hate Crump and the other Big Five-- I wrote them like that on purpose. They're NOT good guys, you're supposed to hate them. It's not like I'll ever show things from their perspective, but I do try to keep it realistic in the sense that even guys we deem totally evil, lecherous, and heartless have reasons behind the things they do. Whether those are "good" reasons is a matter of opinion.
But I like the whole idea of picking the Big Five off one by one-- so expect to see the rest of them again. (If it wasn't clear, the other suits with Crump are NOT the rest of the Big Five.)
aer-seph4eva -- I really like your style Azurite, although I have to admit I prefer your lengthier chapters opposed to the shorter ones. However, I understand due to time constraints and the fact that you have a life, that this fic has to take backstage. Generally, my fics fluctuate in length, sometimes they are 2500 words a chapter, then others are over 30 pages long... so yeah, I can understand when you feel that short chappies are more preferable some weeks than others. (it helps with the flow of updates...)
My chapters are going to fluctuate, same as yours do-- it's a sad truth that some love (faster updates) and some hate (pain in the butt to read). The chapters are all planned out; it's just a matter of turning ideas and scenes into full-on prose.
Anywho, back to the point...Your earlier comment ‘mentioning on the plagiarising...’ That's a load of nonsense...your originality has surprised and awed me...and your 600+ reviews is enough proof of that ^_^. I have to be honest here, I was told to read this fic by my cousin, and frankly back then I knew as much about Yugioh as you can put on the edge of a stamp. *er...sweatdrops*. However, when I read this fic, I became fascinated with the character portrayal of Seto, and his relationship with the rest of the characters. Especially Mokuba and Tea. There was something about him which immediately attracted me to him...
I'm glad! I love it when people recommend the fic, not to mention find more interest in the fandom because of it. Being a writer of what most consider a crack pairing (then again, most pairings are crack pairings in Yu-Gi-Oh), I hope to stimulate people not just into liking the pairing and perhaps also writing for it, but also watching the show or reading the manga and saying "Hey, that JUST MIGHT WORK!" Obviously, I have to draw on my information from somewhere, even if I've deviated beyond the scope of Yu-Gi-Oh's themes in this fic.
um, getting slightly off the point but have you read any of my fics. TLAA. Aeris/Sephiroth? what I truly love about this pairing is how to reconcile two opposing forces through the similarities of their differences. (Did that make any sense?). And that is what I found in the pairing of Seto and Anzu. They are both ultimately different. Seto with his arrogance and ignorance masking his inner insecurities and weaknesses, while Anzu, at first glance appears superficial, has a greater depth to her personality than what a lot of people would assume or even believe. Kinda like Aer/Seph.
While I love the idea of opposing forces or ideas making for an interesting pairing (so long as it's written well), I'm not the least bit active in the FFVII fandom. Matter of fact, I never finished playing the game, so while I can squeal at Sephiroth's CG-version in "Advent Children," I can't say I know two cents about him-- hence, I won't read fics from that fandom. I like to be relatively well-versed with a fandom before writing for it.
As for Seto’s relationship with Mokuba, it is absolutely kawaii...Seto’s tender side is revealed and in a way helps the reader understand Seto better, for after all he is quite a complex character...um...this may sound rather silly but I am madly fascinated by the Star signs. .A couple of weeks ago I was searching across the net and I discovered to my surprise, (or more realistically, lack of) that Seto was a Scorpio. But not just any Scorpio, but he was born on the 25th October! I know this is just co-incidence but my Dad, Aunt and my boyfriend Kieron are all born on the same day...And to make it even more weirder is that my Dad was an orphan at ten years old, while my Kier’s parents (bless them) died in a car crash when he was ten...I’m sure the age 10 has nothing to do with the connection, but I thought it was REALLY STRANGE about my boyfriend and my dad both losing their parents and being born on the same day, let alone a made-up anime creation having a similar past... I’m probably going too deep on this, but it did kinda freak me out about the similarities...
Some people don't like how I've characterized Seto's relationship with Mokuba, but I am trying to keep him in-character- the thing is, we rarely, if ever, see ANY of the characters outside of their interaction with others. That means we never see Seto and Mokuba interact when Yugi and Co. AREN'T there... which means we don't know if he's snarky to his brother when he's away from them, or if it's just around the others. With someone like Seto, you might never know. I try to make "educated guesses."
Believe it or not, I'm very much into astrology myself, and when I found out the star signs of all the Yu-Gi-Oh characters, I realized how on-tack they were. Of course, for the purposes of WDKY, I had to change Téa's birthday-- however, I pointed out that she was NEARLY born premature as a Leo (August 18th). Her ascendant (rising sign) is also Leo, to keep some of her personality traits the same. The fact that she's now a Sagittarius at least partially explains why she's so brash sometimes (but there are plenty of great qualities Sagittarians have that are coming through great in Téa!)
The show never really goes too in-depth as to what happened to Seto's parents. We know that their mother died in childbirth (giving birth to Mokuba), but as for what happened to their father, all we know is that he died when Mokuba was 3 and Seto was 9 (about). And despite it being done before (even in the same way, I imagine), I did need Téa to have to "grow up fast" and also learn a sort of independence-- I couldn't do that if her parents were around... so I had to kill them off (ah! I feel bad saying it like that). Part of the way through, I decided to introduce a sneaky evil plot-- that it wasn't an accident at all. This is something that will keep coming back in future chapters of WDKY-- it'll even be in the sequel. So, disturbing as it is, the starting point is always important.
Similarities between anime and IRL people are always strange, though... (Can't say I have anything in common with Tristan, and he's the Aries out of the group!)
This then brings me onto your characterisation of Seto. Well...what can I say *shrugs*. You have it P for Perfect. I know I have not watched all the episodes of Yugioh. (I have only seen at least 6 of the Marik saga and 3 at the beginning of Pegasus?) and therefore my representation of Seto will be untimely biased towards my psychology and observation of my family AND my chockload of info I know about Star signs. But what is truly amazing is how you have got Seto as a perfect example of a Scorpio.
What is significant about Scorpio’s is the depth and intellect of their character. And as my b/f states, ‘he is only interested with more than just a superficial image’. I think K means that Scorpios are only interested with people of substance...This could link to Seto’s character of seeming arrogant as he truly believes that there is no-one else about him, nor anyone who is less than face value. However, the narrative of Gardner’s parent’s death turns Tea into much more than a superficial image but a puzzle he wants to decode.
I do hope I've got Seto characterized well-- anything too grossly OOC and my betas will always call me on it. In the meanwhile, I rely on canon material and what I know of Scorpios (let's see: my boyfriend's a Scorpio, as are several guys I know... I think they make for good templates of Seto, even if I don't know any "real-life Kaibas.") There are varieties of course-- so it's up to people like us to try and figure out when his ascendant is, because that can honestly make the difference. Any ideas?
But you are right about Scorpios in the sense that they seem to want something more than "plastic" when they see people. Before, he never thought of Téa as more than a simpering cheerleader, but with the death of her parents and the way she reacted, he sees something different, something interesting-- so he pursues it.
Another layer of a Scorpio’s life is that they are observers more than participators. This gives them an understanding of life, and a seriousness (when they are not being sarcastic of course) towards everything in general. I think you managed to create that idea well at the beginning of your fic, when Seto was observing Tea’s reactions of her parent’s death.
To be quite generic, and with the support of knowledge from Kier and my father, Scorpio’s have a good knowledge and can be quite vindictive...and I think you have achieved this quite well in this fic. I must state again that I don’t know whether Seto is a vengeful type in the anime/manga, but your style of writing has managed to capture that he is not a truly romancing fool/forgive and forget type...but...a dark character who is reluctant to show his true emotions, yet keeps a barrier of coolness as it makes him feel safe and secure. This leads to Scorpio and secrets...I don’t have to watch Yugioh to know that Seto has more than a few skeleton’s in his closet, and I know for a fact Scorpio’s HATE anyone knowing their secrets. As my b/f threatens that he will pin up every embarrassing photo and such if I dare slip any of his secrets...
Whether or not you think Seto is vengeful depends on whether you look at the manga as well. If you do, Seto was a right asshole in the beginning, since he tried to kill Yugi and his friends on a number of occasions. But he seemed to have an "awakening" after that, in which he realized it was not about killing someone to get what he wanted, but just triumphing the way he should-- by fighting, and not giving up. Killing someone is sort of like cheating...
As for Kaiba, I'd hate to see what he'd do if someone let loose any of HIS secrets. He already threatened some guys from a tabloid when they tried to delve into Téa's past-- and "all" he did was storm in, make a fool out of the reporter, beat up on the editor, and cut off their printer. ^^; Heaven forbid anyone ever publicly humiliate HIM!
Meanie...*pouts*...
But anywho, I think you achieved that with how Seto’s character changes in a school environment or when he is with Mokuba and Tea.
I think Tea helps to compliment Seto as she is unconsciously giving everything Seto has ever wanted in his life. Such as the breadth of vision, optimism, faith, trust, and above all else generosity. It is generally said that Scorpios need to see the wealth in Nature and in life, not just money and power. A nice scene in your fic which would relate to this is the beach scene. I think that was the step where a relationship between S/A was finally confirmed, and showed how they cared for one another.
Whoo! You're hitting every one of the nails on the head, which I appreciate more than you know. Kaiba has, as you said, a variety of skeletons in his closet, but it's not like he's keeping them intentionally hidden away-- by now, he realizes the damage such secrets can do. But he's far from blabbing everything he's ever wanted to Téa-- rather, he's letting them both be pleasantly surprised by one another.
^_~ As for the beach scene earlier in the fic... eh, I wanted an excuse to get Kaiba hot and bothered. He never really bothered to take the time to appreciate things like the human form (or the female figure, as it were). Confronted with something and with little to no choice but to DO something, he acts. Even Kaiba can't be an observer forever, or else others would get ahead of him, and that's never acceptable.
As for Seto’s public image. You present him as a great aspiration where most people admire. I guess this is further supported since he is a CEO.
One nit bit of info, could show how Scorpios arrive in power/ reach their goals discreetly...as opposed to a Leo who needs extravagance and glamour. This could connect to Tea whose aim is to become a dancer, hence dramatic lifestyle, while Seto remains refined as the top of his league...
Kazuki Takahashi did most of the work with characterizing Seto accurately as a Scorpio. He did the same for all the other characters with a main focus-- Yugi as the Gemini, Joey as the Aquarius, and so on. Even more minor characters like Téa the Leo (originally) got fantastic characterization, and at least a little bit of depth. But in WDKY, Téa's not a Leo, so in a manner of speaking, her new star sign justifies some of the characterization changes I've made.
As for Scorpio’s being introverted. Yes that is definitely true. They hide behind a mask. I view them with layers. For example, your Seto shows off one facade to the world. Then there is another to his family. Then there is another to himself.
I think what is most important is of a Scorpio’s commitment. Although they have a negative streak of mistrust and doubt of others, but when they find someone they trust, man do they stick to what they care about...they definitely become possessive...if not a little obsessive... (No offence Kier if you ever read this...you know I love ya) It seems that you have touched upon this area with Seto caring for Tea, yet I think you need to further enforce this. You have to attempt to make Tea’s/Seto’s relationship be as bonded as Mokuba/Seto. If you don’t understand what I mean, you could always notify me by email and I’ll be more than happy to diverge further.
I think Shrek said it best when he said "onions have layers!" As do most people, but especially those like Seto-- the layers of course, are more like defenses. The more you break through, the more you find out about him. But the catch is, Seto's layers go up and down, sometimes with his knowing, other times not. It makes sense then, how he's somehow surprised by things, but other times he expects it, and just doesn't know how to act/react.
Believe me, the obsessive nature Kaiba's got is far from being gone completely. Repressed maybe, but not gone. It'll show up again as the fic progresses, and most definitely in the sequel. The process Seto is going through to bring Téa closer to him is slow-- as are most relationships, but especially with this one, since it's the first "real" one of this nature for either of them. While Téa can probably say she's been in love before (with Yami Yugi), Seto can't say that-- at least, not until now. Once the feeling really sets in, then his obsession can start to show.
I think you have done well with the transformation of his sides. Seto has definitely changed and is much more sweeter. But as I read some of your other reviewer’s views who thought it was OOC, I actually think it was just right. As Seto quoted in your chapter ‘cooking with Kaiba’. Tea is a part of his family and therefore it means their relationship moves from being platonic to something more greater, than Tea nor Kaiba have ever felt.
So to conclude...
EXCELLENT WORK!
To improve
I think the only thing you need to add is to make Seto as close to his sign is to make him more sarcastic/funny with his humour...that is...unless...Seto isn’t a sarcastic guy in the manga/anime.
In all Seto’s mellowed down. He trust’s Tea, and I think all your recent chapters have proved this quite enough.
Keep up the great work and I’ll be sure to give you more reviews in the future!
Things have changed since Seto initially "brought Téa into his family" and while he's definitely getting there again (in current chapters), it might be a while before he's so accepting. But you're right on target (again) with it being something that neither of them have ever felt before.
Ja ne
Aer_seph4eva
(Phew...this is like a mini essay...*sweatdrops*)
P.S
This is only a marginal point, but I like the Bakura scenes you wrote. Bakura IS the guy with the platinum hair right? Um, sorry for asking if its a stupid question, but does Bakura do tarot/can he dance? or is that your mere innovation of his character. (I really need to watch more Yugioh episodes. It took me so long to actually work out the Yami/Yugi, or Ryou/Bakura thing)
The Bakura dancing thing is something I came up with-- his character is far from fully realized in the series, even if he is an enemy throughout the entire anime/manga. However, he does have a strong interest in the occult, so while I've never seen him read tarot, I believe he would have a deck and read from it often.
Nachzes-Black Rider -- Nachzes: [shifty eyes] Shh...my host (not my hikari, my HOST) doesn't know I'm doing this. She's grounded from the computer for two weeks, and I'm using her cousin's un-passworded account to review. And boy am I disspointed. Only ONE fic that I'm interested in reading updated in TWO DAYS! ...And no reviews. At all. [mutters] Does NO ONE check their inbox?! DO they not KNOW?! I KNOW that I'm on 13 people's Author Alert list, but do they review Chapter Three of OA, N~O! Bastards... [growls under her breath] Yeah, well, sorry I'm bemoning this all to you. Eh, whatever.
[glomps the ficcie] 'Tis precious! GOOD chapter...[snickers] Tea-idjit is a HOSTA~GE! (Yeah, I know, I love SetoXAnzu, or SetoXTea with Anzu's personality, but I just can't resist bashing Tea. I HATE! [screams and chucks dart at Tez and Yami dart board] [glares at the Big Five] I hate you all...you shall die in my ficcies for what you did to precious Seto-kun! Die I say! DIE! [cakles and dissapears]
Azurite: [sweatdrops massivly at the weird review] Umm...okies then...
Lieh: [nods somberly] Oh yeah...she's hyper. Gilmore-kun fed her sugar agian. Foolish boy...[wanders off]
You pretty much answered my review for me. Should I say thank you?
HiEi JaGaNsHis FlAmE -- hell yeah your chapters are getting short but at least you'll make the next chapters longer
anyways this chapter was very good i hope this fic doesnt get infected by your sickness or whatever of not finishing it...so update soon.
@_o... sickness of not finishing? Sorry, never heard of that. WDKY will be finished (eventually), without a doubt.
Rin RavenIce -- Damn Big Five! I wanna ring their necks! ARGH!
*sigh* I think I'm okay now...wait.
AH!
Okay, I'm better.
Mokuba is so cute! "Kaiba's aren't weak!" His heart conflicts with his upbringing (meaning that he's a Kaiba) quite a bit. He never seems quite sure if he should be himself or like Seto.
I'd have to take a guess with this and say that it was Seto on the phone with Crump. I know you won't reveal anything, but I like guessing anyway.
Seto is getting closer, I can tell. He'll say it pretty soon. I just know it! hehehehe
It's nice to see him so concerned about somebody else for a change, rather than himself and Mokuba. It's so SWEET!
I think I'll draw some fanart for this story. Not sure what it will be, but I WILL do something.
<3 Mokuba! He always strikes me as the type that would grow up to have a lot of inner angst, because he was initially raised to be like his brother-- but then when Gozaburo died, Seto gave him a lot of freedom, and in a way, encouraged him NOT to be like Seto, but rather, his own person, and more childlike. But all the same, Mokuba is too influenced by Seto not to grow up at an accelerated pace, just like Seto did.
I won't say anything about when Seto will say "it" -- you have to read and review! But if you do fanart, email it to me! I want to see! ^_^v
Solar Kitty -- Oh man, oh man! Two chapters to review for! Well, firstly, I'm glad that Téa was able to work things out with Mokuba! And that the three of them are a family again. Mokuba is so adorable ^_^
I'm a little disappointed that Téa would make such a bad decision, but that's what gives this a good storyline and it helps with the suspense! lol tsk tsk Ms. Téa! And I'm actually glad that Mokuba chewed out Seto like that! He is the most adorable kid ever! *squee!* I can't wait for the next chapter! Oh, and the short chapters were a surprise, but I think it's good to have a balance of incredibly long chapters and short, reliving chapters. Besides, shorter chapters are the best ones to use when you want a cliffhanger ending! Good work and happy holidays ^__^
PS- Please let Mai and Joey work things out soon!
Hmm, just for the sake of things, I'm going to say that Mokuba and Téa's resolution is a temporary fix. It'll come back later, though in what form and when, I can't say.
As for Téa and her bad decision-- well, there's two sides to that. One is that Téa knew it was a bad idea, but she had no other choice if she wanted to get the truth, and the second side is that she's only human, and prone to making mistakes and not being prepared.
I can also see Mokuba chewing Seto out if the circumstances were right-- after all, he does have to take after his brother somehow, right?
Thanks for understanding my need for chapters alternating between long and short-- it's a necessary evil, I guess. As for more necessary evils, Mai and Joey's relationship will come back into the fore-- but again, they're a minor pairing, so you really have to keep your eyes peeled!
DarkShadowFlame -- Why do bad guys *do* that? And by 'that', I mean assume that someone who's life has been ruined by their plans will suddenly turn around and help them for the slightest incentive. I admit, here the incentive isn't 'slight', but still. Did the Big 5 really expect Tea to help them? (And why, Go, WHY did she actually go meet them?)
I'm sure the Big Five have so much more than "helping" Téa when they made the offer-- but of course, that would be giving away my secrets. As for why Téa went-- well, she felt she had no choice. Obviously there is more to the death of her parents and the Big Five's mystery than any of them are letting on, and it's an unfortunate truth that the only people with the answers are the bad guys.
Y'know, if I were the Big 5, I'd go all Machiavelli and go on a killing spree. Just mow down all of Kaiba Corp. (Not really. But I've been obsessed with Machiavelli lately. I find him amusing.) I'm lucky I'm not the Big 5, and that they're actually pretty dumb and *way* outdone by Seto, Yugi, Joey, and the rest! Ah, happiness.
*grin* Don't worry, you might just see a hint of Machiavelli before the story's out. I won't say how or when (of course), but you might... But while I do think they're very intelligent people, they've all been blinded by greed, hence the mistakes they've made that have got them on the Most Wanted list. ^^;
Oh, and last chapter I did want to read the reviewer responses, but it took me *forever* to get to the right page. I couldn't find a direct link to either the WDKY page at Darkness Rising, or in face Darkness Rising at all. I found it eventually by going through the Animanga Collision, but is there an easier link that I'm completely missing? (Very likely)
There should have been a much easier route on the WDKY page, directly to the review replies. Now I'm hosting all the Review Replies here at LiveJournal, so keep going to my Memories/Review Replies to access them. I'm sorry about the confusion!
I don't mind the shorter chapters, in part because I feel that those long ones are a miracle. These aren't 'short', persay, except by comparison. And also, these last updates seemed to have come pretty quickly (YE-ES!).
Great job, as always!
DSF
A miracle? Yeah, sometimes getting those longer chapters out certainly seems like it. Thanks for understanding about the alternating lengths, though!
Celtic Rune -- Really, really good. (Same goes for the last chapter.)
Suspense may be an understatement ... it looks like your many adoring fans are rather riled again ... *grin*
Honestly? Short chapters could work well here. It would probably hold interest longer, and be less daunting to new readers.
Thank you very much! I do love working in suspense to the point of it being considered reader-torture though... *smiles* I also like the shorter chapters in "times of need." At a certain point, I just can't write any more for the chapter than I've planned it to have.
Depressed pixie -- woah greater. azurite i am nothing than a humble member of the public but can i ask u to read some fics of phoenix727 i highly recommend them:)
While I do appreciate the short, rather non-descript review, the review boards are not a place to pimp/advertise any one else's fanfiction. I did try to find this "phoenix727," but they weren't listed at FFnet, so I don't know where to look to find their fics. Sorry!
Dragonic Soul -- O.o Damm.
I think you mean 'Damn,' but *laughs* anyway!
Doma the Angel of Silence -- 'ello again Azurite,
I like the title of this chapter. And your plot just keeps getting thicker! Oh, delicious, no? And now the chapters aren't so long, you'll be updating more frequently? Did I say that in the last review? Dunno...can't remember... ^^;
I'll be checking back soon, and remember my sugestion for a Christmas YGO fic.
Hoping-for-xmas-fic,
Doma the Angel of Silence
Yup yup, the chapter titles are actually important! I don't think most people really take notice of them... *sigh* Anyway, I do happen to like thick plot. It makes for good ice cream, no? Hehehe... Anyway, updates... are not predictable. That's really all I can say about them. As for an Xmas fic, Chapter 16 is in the realm of being Christmas-centric, but as for an all-out-Christmas fic, it might be a while coming... I have too many other ideas to focus on holiday-specific fics.
Shadowed Mediocrity -- Not your writing? Huh! If the person who claimed this was someone near and dear to you, then forgive me when I say that they're a complete idiot. You have a very distinct writing style; not my favorite type, admittedly, but it's distinct and freshly your own. The chances that a ghostwriter would be able to mimic it are slim.. even given the fact that it's their chosen duty.
Thanks for the defense. People don't seem to realize how much it hurts when they say something doesn't seem like my writing; short of doing a very bad parody of my own works, I try to be consistent in all that I do. Admittedly, my style might change as the theme or mood of the chapter changes, but... not to the point where it could be construed as someone else's work. That hurt.
Now.. onto the usual review.
"just because they'd had a few close-calls in which Wheeler saved his hide... it didn't mean anything."
Is that sentence structure correctly? Is there some better way it could be phrased? It jarred my vision for a second there, and I wasn't sure why. Come to think of it, I'm still not.
Not sure of a better way of saying it. The intent of the sentence is that Kaiba was thinking Wheeler had "saved" him a few times-- but it didn't mean anything. Kaiba's not about to say he's indebted to Joey, nor is he going to suddenly become his best friend. That was what I wanted to get across with that sentence.
In the brief flashback, you have Kaiba down perfectly as I imagine him - possessive and impatient and demanding as ever. It doesn't quite fit with the gentler Kaiba that you showed in the earlier chapter.. but I won't get on with talking about that again.
It's all about circumstances. Kaiba was only gentler in the previous chapter because of what had happened-- and since the chapter was short, focusing on a very brief period of time (one day), there was a side of him that we really only saw for a bit. The other, longer chapters focused on a much more extended period of time (several days to several months), so we didn't see as many "unguarded" bursts like that, in which Kaiba's defenses were down.
"So why all the fake pretense?" Fake is a word that always makes me cringe and, I think, jars the flow of the story.. and the word typically used in conjunction with pretense is 'false pretenses', isn't it? What's wrong with 'false'?
True. It does sound weird-- so I changed it. ^_~ Thanks for the tip.
Just as a random notation - I think you're using a wee bit too much emphasis. In the screen I'm currently on, I see three bolded words in a scene that doesn't extend beyond a single screen - with spaces between the lines, no less.
"Make him think that I'mtricking Kaiba..." Small typo; you missed a space.
Also fixed.
"A cell phone rang, Crump's gaze drifting to one of the heavier-set men sitting near him." Wouldn't making this one sentence two separate sentences fit it better? (And changing it to 'drifted', of course.)
Again, fixed. Thanks for the tip.
The ending is a mite predictable - not too much so that it becomes a cliche, or worse, boring, but the mite's enough that I need to note it. However, I do know that you leave your reader on tenterhooks as to what will happen to Téa; which is very, very good for you.
Not so much for me, as I'll inevitably end up waiting a while, won't I? :P
Still too short for my taste.. but then again, I suppose it was the right length for crisp action; longer would have reduced it to tears. All I can do is leave you to be mobbed by your 600+ reviews, which should serve as a sufficient guilt-trip for you to update.
And if you haven't done it by January, *then* I'll come and fuss. :P
An early Merry Christmas! Write during the holidays!
Sometimes you can see the endings coming, at least from what I've set up so far. The beauty of WDKY is that there's always a little more mystery-- so many subplots, I wonder if everyone can count them all! I'm sorry if you end up waiting too long between updates-- I just can't force myself to write on a schedule. I have to write when the inspiration strikes-- and then get the fics beta'd when it's possible.
Thanks again for your thorough review!
Inu Kaiba -- @.@ HOSTAGE? HOSTAGE? Who was talking to her, to get them to think they simple weren't worried she's missing and... How is this story ever going to end if there's 36 chapters, wouldn't you lose intrest by then... And then no one'd find the ending... No! Update soon, please. I'd like to find the ending before I stop likeing YGO ;.; Hopefully that won't happen...
I don't plan on losing interest on this fic any time soon. There are times when I get struck by other fic ideas and things to do, but WDKY and its sequel are my babies, and I refuse to let them go for anything. Despite the series ending, very little has gotten me out of the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom since I started writing this (and other Yu-Gi-Oh fics) back in 2003. Hopefully you'll stay with it, too!
ChelseaDarkheart100 -- Excellent work. Very good story. I am also known as hermione_mikala_granger100@ Chelsea Lightheart. But I have a new SN for FFnet. Well anyway I love it if you'd email me this story I would love to print it out and read it over and over. I mean it this story is that good. I hope you do just as well on the next chapters as you did on these last few. Oh and if you want to chat some time you could either email me or if you have either AOL IM or Yahoo! IM you can chat to me on there. I'll give you my SNs to either one of them if you email me first asking for them. Well I better go and look at your site and I'll talk to you later.
FYI, you can't type domain names or close brackets in the review area at FFnet-- they will automatically get cut off. So I can't see your email-- the only way I'd be able to access it is through your profile, but I don't usually have time for that sort of thing-- review replies and this journal are the best way to hear from me re: the fic. If you do end up spotting me online, make sure to introduce yourself; I don't take too kindly to random IMs from people I don't know.
-Chelsea Darkheart
P.S. I can't believe I'm asking this but to make Yugi happy you could put a new character in the story...I'm basically refuring to myself. Sorry can't help myself. Anyways think about it you can use my first name 'Chelsea' and whatever last name you like, but I would really like being in your story. Well g2g ttyl.
P.S.S Think about it and Thank you.
Sorry, but no. I don't do anything to "make" someone happy, least of all Yugi. What he's going through in the fic is supposed to mimic real life, where the "right" or "perfect" person doesn't always come along when you wish they would. Yugi's still trying to deal with getting over Téa; even if I did introduce another OC (Chieko being the first), I wouldn't pair her off with Yugi. I don't believe that fics where "everyone is paired off" are necessary.
I also don't write on request; as I've said many times before, the fic is already entirely planned out-- all the characters, all the events. I won't randomly insert events or characters because someone asks for them.
gladdecease -- Yay for the new chapter! Boo for the shortness. I'm sorry if I misled you in an earlier review; I like the long chapters. They make it seem more like a book, which is good for this storyline of yours.
Are you going to really make Christmas chapters? That would be neat, though New Year's is the big holiday in Japan. You do what you like; a lot of authors branch anime out to accept their personal favorite holidays.
Your portrayal of Mokuba this chapter was incredibly realistic. I think you really captured the essence of crushed-by-crush-but-faithful-still throughout this subplot.
The information revealed about Crump and the situation at hand is thought-provoking. It made me wonder what was so important about the Gardners, and why the Big 5 desperately needed Kaiba out of the way.
All in all, an excellent job. Later!
The chapters are going to rotate length depending on content; there's really no master plan to the length of each chapter. I write until I feel like it's done. As for Christmas chapters, yes-- Chapters 15-16 are the holiday chapters, while Chapter 17 focuses on New Year's-- which yes, I realize, is the bigger holiday. That's why I tried to concentrate on Christmas being a big deal only within the group of characters, and at best, within the school/neighborhood.
Thanks for the compliments re: Mokuba; like his brother, he's a toughie to write, but not as tough to bring in. I wish I could get him more involved in the fic somehow! Also thanks for recognizing the work I put into the larger plot-- that Téa and Seto didn't get thrown together by chance and circumstance so much as the actions and reactions of other people. Both of them might have their ideas of fate and destiny utterly challenged by the events to come. But you'll have to read and see, ne?
Yokaigurl -- Heylo!
This is wicked! Please go on! I love this!!
Can you possibly look at some of my stories too? Well n e ways do your thang and keep the chapters long and short too.
I also think that Kaiba is eaither 3-5.
L8r peace Yokaigur
Thanks for the compliment... though as I've said to other reviewers, the review board is NOT a place to advertise your own fics. I'm glad to read other people's fics, but I usually only do it by recommendation from others. I'm also not prone to reading fics of authors who can't spell properly in reviews-- though reviews are always appreciated as a form of encouragement, it's the ones that are coherent that help me get better, and prompt me to write mroe and update faster.
What did you mean by "Kaiba is either a 3-5" though?
