My Mom is Weird
Mar. 24th, 2003 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteShe's notorious for sending me silly chain letters, but ah well. Some are actually thought-provoking, sad, or funny. Here goes one I just got from her, and it's kinda funny. But men-- beware. ^.~ Don't say I didn't warn you... and once again, I DID NOT WRITE THIS! ^_^
It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do
you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
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He said - Two inches more and I would be king.
She said - Two inches less, and you'd be queen.
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On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..." Written just below it "I do not."
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He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea ... you stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the sofa and fart.
A little something I've heard from more than one person recently-- why can't I get what I want? It's such a simple question, dumbed down so much, but here's how it all breaks down, regardless of who you get the advice from:
TAKE THE INITIATIVE.
You know, I'm barely into my life (or so I say) but I've already made some terrible mistakes. I hate looking back and dwelling on them, but that doesn't mean I don't remember or feel the impact of the lessons I learned from them. If I don't like something, I learn to say so in the future, and not get myself involved in those situations. I've tried to be less judgmental, less "loner," and more outgoing. Sometimes my bluntness is perceived as a bad thing, and so, like all human beings, I'm learning constantly in an effort to change-- but not WHO I am, just how I act in given situations.
When I want something, most of the time, I'll go for it. Some people think it's strange that, if one of my friends thinks someone is hot, and I go up and ask the guy for his name/number. I do that because when my friend is too shy or embarassed to do it herself, she needs someone to be the exact opposite for her. Regret is a very nasty thing to have on your shoulder all your time. There are so many chances in life that you only get once. Others, you get over and over again, and you might keep fucking up until you see the light and go and grasp your dream. Maybe you'll see it's not what you really wanted after all, and you'll have to put it aside, keep learning, keep going until you find your true dream. Or maybe it will be what you wanted after all, and you'll have that incredible sense of happiness and contentment that comes by so rarely.
I see too many people that just sit there and let life carry them. When you sit there like a potato, bad things will happen. You have to learn to take control --take the bull by its horns, as it were. Taking the initiative, while scary, often proves to reap more reward than risk. I'm sure the one person I'm REALLY directing this towards knows what I mean-- if I haven't said it enough in person, here it is in print (or online, same difference). Plenty of people think along the same lines, too-- I've seen their words, I agree wholeheartedly.
Life is bad. But if it wasn't bad, then when the good times rolled around (and they always do, even when stuff just REALLY REALLY sucks) we wouldn't know happiness if it slapped us in the face with a wad of bills. You get what I'm saying? Being surprising, doing something out of the ordinary, or mustering your courage and just DOING IT might end up surprising you. It's surprised me. It's surprised every human on this planet at least once, and will continue to do so, because we can't predict fate, or how other people will act or react.
The thing is, you can't EXPECT anything out of life. It gives, it takes, it twists, it turns. Someone great once said "Expect the unexpected." The very statement is a paradox, but it holds more truth than anyone could ever know. Don't ever believe in just what you see. Don't always think the same way, act the same way, be the same person. This can be as simple as trying a new meal at your favorite restaurant-- or maybe sucking in your breath and walking up to that Someone and telling them what you think of them.
Scary things happen because of what we think. Humans, by nature, have pretty vivid imaginations. But "What ifs" can get pretty annoying sometimes. When we become too dependant on fortune-telling, we stop living. So stop being predictable and LIVE. It's what you're here for, isn't it?
It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do
you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
--------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
--------------------------------------------------------------------
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
He said - Two inches more and I would be king.
She said - Two inches less, and you'd be queen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..." Written just below it "I do not."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea ... you stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the sofa and fart.
A little something I've heard from more than one person recently-- why can't I get what I want? It's such a simple question, dumbed down so much, but here's how it all breaks down, regardless of who you get the advice from:
TAKE THE INITIATIVE.
You know, I'm barely into my life (or so I say) but I've already made some terrible mistakes. I hate looking back and dwelling on them, but that doesn't mean I don't remember or feel the impact of the lessons I learned from them. If I don't like something, I learn to say so in the future, and not get myself involved in those situations. I've tried to be less judgmental, less "loner," and more outgoing. Sometimes my bluntness is perceived as a bad thing, and so, like all human beings, I'm learning constantly in an effort to change-- but not WHO I am, just how I act in given situations.
When I want something, most of the time, I'll go for it. Some people think it's strange that, if one of my friends thinks someone is hot, and I go up and ask the guy for his name/number. I do that because when my friend is too shy or embarassed to do it herself, she needs someone to be the exact opposite for her. Regret is a very nasty thing to have on your shoulder all your time. There are so many chances in life that you only get once. Others, you get over and over again, and you might keep fucking up until you see the light and go and grasp your dream. Maybe you'll see it's not what you really wanted after all, and you'll have to put it aside, keep learning, keep going until you find your true dream. Or maybe it will be what you wanted after all, and you'll have that incredible sense of happiness and contentment that comes by so rarely.
I see too many people that just sit there and let life carry them. When you sit there like a potato, bad things will happen. You have to learn to take control --take the bull by its horns, as it were. Taking the initiative, while scary, often proves to reap more reward than risk. I'm sure the one person I'm REALLY directing this towards knows what I mean-- if I haven't said it enough in person, here it is in print (or online, same difference). Plenty of people think along the same lines, too-- I've seen their words, I agree wholeheartedly.
Life is bad. But if it wasn't bad, then when the good times rolled around (and they always do, even when stuff just REALLY REALLY sucks) we wouldn't know happiness if it slapped us in the face with a wad of bills. You get what I'm saying? Being surprising, doing something out of the ordinary, or mustering your courage and just DOING IT might end up surprising you. It's surprised me. It's surprised every human on this planet at least once, and will continue to do so, because we can't predict fate, or how other people will act or react.
The thing is, you can't EXPECT anything out of life. It gives, it takes, it twists, it turns. Someone great once said "Expect the unexpected." The very statement is a paradox, but it holds more truth than anyone could ever know. Don't ever believe in just what you see. Don't always think the same way, act the same way, be the same person. This can be as simple as trying a new meal at your favorite restaurant-- or maybe sucking in your breath and walking up to that Someone and telling them what you think of them.
Scary things happen because of what we think. Humans, by nature, have pretty vivid imaginations. But "What ifs" can get pretty annoying sometimes. When we become too dependant on fortune-telling, we stop living. So stop being predictable and LIVE. It's what you're here for, isn't it?
