For every mission accomplished, there is a mission failure...

Ugh. What a day. I think. Hi! I haven't updated in a while, but I'm not dead! It just feels like it. I've gone through bouts of sickness, bad moods, inability to write... the whole "everything that can go wrong HAS gone wrong" phase... let's just skim, shall we?

(1) Denied admissions to Rutger's. That which I had thought was impossible has become possible. The official letter says that "The credentials submitted in support of my application were carefully evaluated but did not place me among those students who could be offered admissions in this very competitive environment." *cough* Mike got in with a 2.5 Cumulative. Then again, he transfered from SRJC. They did say I stand a better chance if I apply again when I have 12 college credits. Now that I think about it, that wouldn't be too hard. I have 3 already... so if I get 9, from 3 classes... *shrugs*

I don't want to go to City College. Or any other community college, for that matter. I want to go to a University. I feel like a total failure, and somehow, even when I say I'm nto giving up, that I'll petition... I dunno, it seems kind of empty. When I first saw the not admitted thing on the web (you were here for that) I thought it was a mistake or something... *sigh* I guess not. Still, I'm going to call this guy from the admissions office, see if there's some sort of appeal I can make.

(2) On the bright [flip] side, I finally have WDKY8 out. It's over 350KB, and I was afraid it wouldn't upload at first. And it didn't-- because FFnet doesn't let people post URLs in their fics. I guess that makes sense, since people could link to porn, but GEESH! >_< Anyway, so it's up on FFnet, MMorg, and Darkness Rising. Turns out I left out a couple of scenes I'd come up with, but I can always write them in for Parts 9 and 10-- critical-type chapters, even though 9 is the equivalent of an "anime filler." Hehe. I hope to get started on that soon; matter of fact, I wanna write as much as I can for ANY chapter, so I can get parts out of the way.

More good news... people have been joining BEA! And now that WDKY's out with the official announcement, I hope to grab even more members. That would rock. I should check TFL.org though, see if the biznatch that stole my original FL idea got his/her FL up. Now that I think about it, it's a good thing I didn't get it, as BEA is focused on the ROMANTIC aspect of a relationship with Seto and Anzu... TFL has some idiotic rule about all FLs focusing on pairings have to be GENERAL, unless there's already an existing relationship for it that's specifically Friendship/Romantic. So I applied for the Yuugiou Fanfiction: Kaiba Seto x Mazaki Anzu FL-- with them as the primary stars, is there any doubt the fic would be romantic? ^_^ *grin*

What else...? Decided to blow $25 on an FFX and Kingdom Hearts guide from Amazon.com-- should be here in 5-8 days. :) Whee. I think I can hold off on playing for that long. Also bought my new Fast Pass (do I still look 16? No way I'm paying $45!!) and 2 new packs of Yu-Gi-Oh cards-- Dark Crisis and Legend of Blue Eyes. No really fantastic cards, but... eh. :) I wanna duel somebody, though. Been itchin' to for a while now.

Today's Friday, huh? Doesn't feel like it.

Oh yeah, I got my first write-up. For being late to work-- an hour and 20 mins, to be precise. I thought I had a shift from 12-8, but it was from 1030-615. >_< I might have mentioned that already. I should get to bed before I have any more brain farts.

Well, doesn't this just take the cake?

I think this week is probably the third or fourth most miserable week of my life. And miserable goes hand in hand with 'worst,' and all those other negative connotations that exist for pessimists such as myself. Anyone that ever thought I was an optimist never met me in a period like I am now, where everything is just going wrong, and bad gets worse with each passing minute.

It wasn't enough that I got a write-up for being ACCIDENTALLY late, but the managers keep lecturing me over the stupidity of having a book or paper in box office to entertain myself or take notes. Unless they have a goddamned better idea of what I should do when it's slow, I'm not going to stop writing notes! It's stupid! It's not like I'm using their precious paper-- I'm using their scrap paper they SAID I could use, because they don't use it anymore!

And of course, as it goes, bad just compiles on bad, like a fruitcake. A really bad fruitcake.

Today went well-- except for my sore throat, which has been getting progressively worse over the weeks. I was at my worst the other day, it's true, but the cough drops and tea haven't been doing much for me. Temporary relief, that's all. Even when I take medicine, nothing seems to work. And yet, I still have to work-- day after day. And it's not like work is any sort of solace from the HORRIBLE news of not getting into the college of my choice (Rutger's). Because guess what?

Today I got ANOTHER write-up! Because over the past few days, I was short an amazing amount of money-- something like $55! Me, who is the most meticulous person in BOX! I rarely ever screw up, and I've been getting so much better with how I count back change to customers! What the hell is happening? I'm on the verge of getting fired if I'm late, or short so much as another $10!

Oh, and even better-- I think I'm beginning to get an ear infection. Maybe that's what all the congestion and sinus pressure is about. But hell, even if it's strep throat, or a goddamned flu, I won't get of work! I know I'm not the worst worker in the bunch; I do my best and I put extra effort into everything I do. Yet I don't ever seem to ger recognized, or even THANKED for it. And now, I've been lectured and written up so many times, I wonder if they even give a damn!

I don't even know what it is I need right now-- the reviews for my fics are always nice, and cheer me up, but how far do they really get me? I can't seem to get into any university or college, and I feel like I'm going to be stuck here. Mom tries to encourage me, but she's so transparent to me, I don't know why she even bothers. She spends more time with her boyfriend than she does talking to me-- and I think somehow, even a little bit of talking might make me feel better. But then, she's not here, and every "talk" we has somehow leads back to money, my dad, or something I've fucked up on, so ... no. I don't want to waste my energy or my voice getting into a dumb argument. So I'm ranting here.

Have I mentioned how ridiculously low I am in funds right now? Another $21.82 has gone mysteriously missing, even though I keep track of everything I buy, every cent I withdraw, every surcharge and transaction. I'm going to check with Citibank, but this... geez. I did get a lot of things in the past few days (most recent purchase namely being the Sailor Moon Season 1 Uncut DVD Box Set) but where did my money go?

I'm glad I'm off tomorrow. I can try to recover from this wonderfully inky black pit I've fallen into. Try to get my health back, at least a little... even though it means I have to go out in the damned rain to be alone and do my laundry. Think maybe watching my clothes spin in some sort of dizzying circle will help any? Maybe I should get Goldfish crackers and a snapple, and think it'll be like old days...

Mom actually realized how depressed I was yesterday and let me knock back a shot of Smirnoff with raspberry juice. Of course, it was a miniscule amount yesterday (mostly juice). Today, I was so mad at myself and everything I filled the shot glass with 80% vodka and a mini amount of juice. It burned like hell, but it was a nice feeling. I don't get drunk though or anything-- everyone knows that's not my style. Heck, it probably helped with my throat, more than it harmed me. Not like I'm going anywhere, anyway.

*sigh* I think I should read my reviews and TRY to cheer up a little.

My least favorite day of the year is fast approaching- Valentine's Day, in case you didn't know. Chance are, I'll be working-- but on the bright side, my Mom's out of town that weekend. Staying at the Wharf, I believe, since Carmel hotels were all booked up. But if things look favorable that weekend, *shrugs* Who knows, maybe I should party. Lord knows I have more room at my house than some other people. I need a reason to party, anyway. Everything's been so bleak lately.