Well, doesn't this just take the cake?
Feb. 6th, 2004 07:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteI think this week is probably the third or fourth most miserable week of my life. And miserable goes hand in hand with 'worst,' and all those other negative connotations that exist for pessimists such as myself. Anyone that ever thought I was an optimist never met me in a period like I am now, where everything is just going wrong, and bad gets worse with each passing minute.
It wasn't enough that I got a write-up for being ACCIDENTALLY late, but the managers keep lecturing me over the stupidity of having a book or paper in box office to entertain myself or take notes. Unless they have a goddamned better idea of what I should do when it's slow, I'm not going to stop writing notes! It's stupid! It's not like I'm using their precious paper-- I'm using their scrap paper they SAID I could use, because they don't use it anymore!
And of course, as it goes, bad just compiles on bad, like a fruitcake. A really bad fruitcake.
Today went well-- except for my sore throat, which has been getting progressively worse over the weeks. I was at my worst the other day, it's true, but the cough drops and tea haven't been doing much for me. Temporary relief, that's all. Even when I take medicine, nothing seems to work. And yet, I still have to work-- day after day. And it's not like work is any sort of solace from the HORRIBLE news of not getting into the college of my choice (Rutger's). Because guess what?
Today I got ANOTHER write-up! Because over the past few days, I was short an amazing amount of money-- something like $55! Me, who is the most meticulous person in BOX! I rarely ever screw up, and I've been getting so much better with how I count back change to customers! What the hell is happening? I'm on the verge of getting fired if I'm late, or short so much as another $10!
Oh, and even better-- I think I'm beginning to get an ear infection. Maybe that's what all the congestion and sinus pressure is about. But hell, even if it's strep throat, or a goddamned flu, I won't get of work! I know I'm not the worst worker in the bunch; I do my best and I put extra effort into everything I do. Yet I don't ever seem to ger recognized, or even THANKED for it. And now, I've been lectured and written up so many times, I wonder if they even give a damn!
I don't even know what it is I need right now-- the reviews for my fics are always nice, and cheer me up, but how far do they really get me? I can't seem to get into any university or college, and I feel like I'm going to be stuck here. Mom tries to encourage me, but she's so transparent to me, I don't know why she even bothers. She spends more time with her boyfriend than she does talking to me-- and I think somehow, even a little bit of talking might make me feel better. But then, she's not here, and every "talk" we has somehow leads back to money, my dad, or something I've fucked up on, so ... no. I don't want to waste my energy or my voice getting into a dumb argument. So I'm ranting here.
Have I mentioned how ridiculously low I am in funds right now? Another $21.82 has gone mysteriously missing, even though I keep track of everything I buy, every cent I withdraw, every surcharge and transaction. I'm going to check with Citibank, but this... geez. I did get a lot of things in the past few days (most recent purchase namely being the Sailor Moon Season 1 Uncut DVD Box Set) but where did my money go?
I'm glad I'm off tomorrow. I can try to recover from this wonderfully inky black pit I've fallen into. Try to get my health back, at least a little... even though it means I have to go out in the damned rain to be alone and do my laundry. Think maybe watching my clothes spin in some sort of dizzying circle will help any? Maybe I should get Goldfish crackers and a snapple, and think it'll be like old days...
Mom actually realized how depressed I was yesterday and let me knock back a shot of Smirnoff with raspberry juice. Of course, it was a miniscule amount yesterday (mostly juice). Today, I was so mad at myself and everything I filled the shot glass with 80% vodka and a mini amount of juice. It burned like hell, but it was a nice feeling. I don't get drunk though or anything-- everyone knows that's not my style. Heck, it probably helped with my throat, more than it harmed me. Not like I'm going anywhere, anyway.
*sigh* I think I should read my reviews and TRY to cheer up a little.
My least favorite day of the year is fast approaching- Valentine's Day, in case you didn't know. Chance are, I'll be working-- but on the bright side, my Mom's out of town that weekend. Staying at the Wharf, I believe, since Carmel hotels were all booked up. But if things look favorable that weekend, *shrugs* Who knows, maybe I should party. Lord knows I have more room at my house than some other people. I need a reason to party, anyway. Everything's been so bleak lately.
It wasn't enough that I got a write-up for being ACCIDENTALLY late, but the managers keep lecturing me over the stupidity of having a book or paper in box office to entertain myself or take notes. Unless they have a goddamned better idea of what I should do when it's slow, I'm not going to stop writing notes! It's stupid! It's not like I'm using their precious paper-- I'm using their scrap paper they SAID I could use, because they don't use it anymore!
And of course, as it goes, bad just compiles on bad, like a fruitcake. A really bad fruitcake.
Today went well-- except for my sore throat, which has been getting progressively worse over the weeks. I was at my worst the other day, it's true, but the cough drops and tea haven't been doing much for me. Temporary relief, that's all. Even when I take medicine, nothing seems to work. And yet, I still have to work-- day after day. And it's not like work is any sort of solace from the HORRIBLE news of not getting into the college of my choice (Rutger's). Because guess what?
Today I got ANOTHER write-up! Because over the past few days, I was short an amazing amount of money-- something like $55! Me, who is the most meticulous person in BOX! I rarely ever screw up, and I've been getting so much better with how I count back change to customers! What the hell is happening? I'm on the verge of getting fired if I'm late, or short so much as another $10!
Oh, and even better-- I think I'm beginning to get an ear infection. Maybe that's what all the congestion and sinus pressure is about. But hell, even if it's strep throat, or a goddamned flu, I won't get of work! I know I'm not the worst worker in the bunch; I do my best and I put extra effort into everything I do. Yet I don't ever seem to ger recognized, or even THANKED for it. And now, I've been lectured and written up so many times, I wonder if they even give a damn!
I don't even know what it is I need right now-- the reviews for my fics are always nice, and cheer me up, but how far do they really get me? I can't seem to get into any university or college, and I feel like I'm going to be stuck here. Mom tries to encourage me, but she's so transparent to me, I don't know why she even bothers. She spends more time with her boyfriend than she does talking to me-- and I think somehow, even a little bit of talking might make me feel better. But then, she's not here, and every "talk" we has somehow leads back to money, my dad, or something I've fucked up on, so ... no. I don't want to waste my energy or my voice getting into a dumb argument. So I'm ranting here.
Have I mentioned how ridiculously low I am in funds right now? Another $21.82 has gone mysteriously missing, even though I keep track of everything I buy, every cent I withdraw, every surcharge and transaction. I'm going to check with Citibank, but this... geez. I did get a lot of things in the past few days (most recent purchase namely being the Sailor Moon Season 1 Uncut DVD Box Set) but where did my money go?
I'm glad I'm off tomorrow. I can try to recover from this wonderfully inky black pit I've fallen into. Try to get my health back, at least a little... even though it means I have to go out in the damned rain to be alone and do my laundry. Think maybe watching my clothes spin in some sort of dizzying circle will help any? Maybe I should get Goldfish crackers and a snapple, and think it'll be like old days...
Mom actually realized how depressed I was yesterday and let me knock back a shot of Smirnoff with raspberry juice. Of course, it was a miniscule amount yesterday (mostly juice). Today, I was so mad at myself and everything I filled the shot glass with 80% vodka and a mini amount of juice. It burned like hell, but it was a nice feeling. I don't get drunk though or anything-- everyone knows that's not my style. Heck, it probably helped with my throat, more than it harmed me. Not like I'm going anywhere, anyway.
*sigh* I think I should read my reviews and TRY to cheer up a little.
My least favorite day of the year is fast approaching- Valentine's Day, in case you didn't know. Chance are, I'll be working-- but on the bright side, my Mom's out of town that weekend. Staying at the Wharf, I believe, since Carmel hotels were all booked up. But if things look favorable that weekend, *shrugs* Who knows, maybe I should party. Lord knows I have more room at my house than some other people. I need a reason to party, anyway. Everything's been so bleak lately.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-07 04:49 am (UTC)o_O
Date: 2004-02-07 07:34 am (UTC)You are... so cool. In that very weird, very interesting, stares-with-mouth-hanging-open-and-eyes-wide-with-awe way.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-07 08:27 am (UTC)