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Hours later, it's still the same...
May. 11th, 2003 02:34 amBlah. Finally finished watching "Full Moon o Sagashite," and I have to say, it was incredibly moving. Very sad... there really aren't too many words for it. People who enjoy anime or shoujo stuff as a rule, will love FMoS. I cried, but then, I cried LOTS of times watching FMoS, and I also had a few other excuses to bawl my eyes out aside from watching the anime. But there's at least one excuse I have in writing.
Trying to install the Japanese Input Method Editor is a PAIN IN THE BUTT! I never should have given back that XP cd to Jeremy, or at the least, I should have copied all the files on it (same with all the files on the Office 2000 Pro CD that I borrowed from Koski...) before giving it back. Whyfore? Well, now I'm pretty much screwed, since I need all these *.nls and *.dll files that, for some reason, can't be downloaded off the internet. I got the first few just fine from the web and KazAa, but the others... >_< PLEASE HELP! ;_;
I have a lot of webwork ahead of me; I'm making a new page for 'Souten: The Azure Sky,' and since it's almost summer time, it's time to start that huge checklist of pages that need to be created/revamped, etc. There's TONS, I know already. And there's so many Photoshop things I want to try for new layouts, but I'm only one person, and I feel like I'm doing the work of 12 girls! *sigh* Life's not easy, but that's hardly a startling revelation now, is it?
I dunno, I just feel really icky and lonely and everything right now. And I should, shouldn't I? Don't answer that. I'm doing what I shouldn't be, and that's feeling sorry for myself, or turning into some sort of sympathy-tripper. I hate it when people guilt trip me into doing or saying something I normally wouldn't. But I guilt easily, so it's one of my huge weaknesses. I don't need to vent to the world about the things I could do to myself-- because I won't, really. For the record, I didn't mix Coke and the hard liquor I found in the pantry (and yes, there really is some). The temptation was there, but I didn't do it. It was a stupid thought to begin with.
A lot's gone down the drain now. Things I wanted to do or say can't be done or said now; such is the paradox of time and decisions. You can't change the course of the river, but you can sure as hell disrupt the current... or something like that. I'm still going to go to Petaluma one day soon and visit my dad. I'll have to email him soon (maybe tomorrow?) and tell him this, tell him I'm sorry for missing his last-minute "ranch party," and say hi to Kathleen, because she seemed like a nice lady, even if her hair is super-frizzy. *giggle*
You know what's sad? Reading fics isn't helping me any. I'm still giggling madly every now and then as ridiculously shoujo thoughts cross my head, but that's it. They fade. I need something to cheer me up or something, even though it's my own damn fault I'm down.
-.-...
I wonder if I should do the dishes soon. Mom's still not home yet. But I kinda want to listlessly play Star Ocean, or melt into this uncomfortable chair and pork myself out watching anime. I ordered a pizza some hours ago, but I couldn't bring myself to even finish the first slice. I suck. GAAH! I have to stop doing this! NO NO NO! I don't care what anyone else's friends say, suggest, imply, or desire in the deep recesses of their minds! I'm not going to gut myself with some sharp metal object, I'm not going to purposely try and get drunk, and I'm not going to throw myself off some stupid cliff! YES, I regret what I said and how I said it, but I DO NOT REGRET WHY! I DO NOT TAKE IT BACK!
But Joe's never going to know that, I'm not his friend anymore. *points stubbornly to list*
I'm too afraid to go on AIM anyway. He's probably blocked all 13 of my SNs though. It's so easy to find all the ones he doesn't have, anyway. GAAH! More assumptions! Sometimes I think I don't have a brain in my head, just a highly absorbent cauliflower. Stinky, stupid, cauliflower.
And what do I do about that CCSF credit? I've gotten suggestions:
-French American International School
-Convent of the Sacred Heart (watch me burn before I even enter)
-Drew College Prepatory
-UC Extension (I thought that building here in SF was abandoned...)
-University of Utah, Online courses
The question is, will I be able to check into these without a) getting lazy, b) getting frustrated, or c) breaking down in tears because I was too lazy to do well my junior year and AVOID ALL THIS MESS! And I can still attempt to apply to SFSU anyhow, since people have been telling me that the 'requirement' for 2 years of a foriegn language is a "nice thing to have," but not mandatory. So I think I'll do THAT much now.
*pause* Okay, the deadline for applications for Fall or Summer 2003 was May 1st. -.- I thought it was like May 23rd or something, but... *sigh* Ah, you win some, you lose some. For Spring 2004, the deadline is August 1st, 2003, so I have all that time to a) take and pass that Japanese course SOMEWHERE, and b) get a job. Lots of potential places, amazingly, like Gables Stationery, In-N-Out, and Hot Topic (Stonestown).
Half of me wishes I could get into some huge brawl, some tremendous fight right now, because I feel like moving, and I also feel like kicking, punching, screaming, and using my teeth to rip into someone's arm. But sadly no, everyone has this impression that I'm this "nice, sweet girl," (no pun intended) or some sort of genius. Most people know that I AM EVERYTHING BUT ALL THAT FIDDLE FADDLE! But *sigh*ing again, I wish I was.
What else is there? Nothing, it's just one of those weekends, I guess. I want to watch an Elizabeth Taylor movie. I don't know why. As for the DVDs... "Scotland, PA," and "The Hypnotist" I'll wait till I'm with someone (namely the latter, since it's a scary movie, and I always enjoy good company when I watch such things). And till I have popcorn. I don't care if it gets in your teeth, or the taste lingers on your tongue, or its fattening, expensive, or dehydrates you. =P I like it, so nyah.
o_O Amber called earlier and said she wasn't coming to RTA anymore. O.O What does THAT mean? >_> And I wonder if Jeremy and Will are still doing that "bag" routine and need two girls in bikinis on either side of the machine! *snickers* I'd do it, too!
I'm shivering.
Trying to install the Japanese Input Method Editor is a PAIN IN THE BUTT! I never should have given back that XP cd to Jeremy, or at the least, I should have copied all the files on it (same with all the files on the Office 2000 Pro CD that I borrowed from Koski...) before giving it back. Whyfore? Well, now I'm pretty much screwed, since I need all these *.nls and *.dll files that, for some reason, can't be downloaded off the internet. I got the first few just fine from the web and KazAa, but the others... >_< PLEASE HELP! ;_;
I have a lot of webwork ahead of me; I'm making a new page for 'Souten: The Azure Sky,' and since it's almost summer time, it's time to start that huge checklist of pages that need to be created/revamped, etc. There's TONS, I know already. And there's so many Photoshop things I want to try for new layouts, but I'm only one person, and I feel like I'm doing the work of 12 girls! *sigh* Life's not easy, but that's hardly a startling revelation now, is it?
I dunno, I just feel really icky and lonely and everything right now. And I should, shouldn't I? Don't answer that. I'm doing what I shouldn't be, and that's feeling sorry for myself, or turning into some sort of sympathy-tripper. I hate it when people guilt trip me into doing or saying something I normally wouldn't. But I guilt easily, so it's one of my huge weaknesses. I don't need to vent to the world about the things I could do to myself-- because I won't, really. For the record, I didn't mix Coke and the hard liquor I found in the pantry (and yes, there really is some). The temptation was there, but I didn't do it. It was a stupid thought to begin with.
A lot's gone down the drain now. Things I wanted to do or say can't be done or said now; such is the paradox of time and decisions. You can't change the course of the river, but you can sure as hell disrupt the current... or something like that. I'm still going to go to Petaluma one day soon and visit my dad. I'll have to email him soon (maybe tomorrow?) and tell him this, tell him I'm sorry for missing his last-minute "ranch party," and say hi to Kathleen, because she seemed like a nice lady, even if her hair is super-frizzy. *giggle*
You know what's sad? Reading fics isn't helping me any. I'm still giggling madly every now and then as ridiculously shoujo thoughts cross my head, but that's it. They fade. I need something to cheer me up or something, even though it's my own damn fault I'm down.
-.-...
I wonder if I should do the dishes soon. Mom's still not home yet. But I kinda want to listlessly play Star Ocean, or melt into this uncomfortable chair and pork myself out watching anime. I ordered a pizza some hours ago, but I couldn't bring myself to even finish the first slice. I suck. GAAH! I have to stop doing this! NO NO NO! I don't care what anyone else's friends say, suggest, imply, or desire in the deep recesses of their minds! I'm not going to gut myself with some sharp metal object, I'm not going to purposely try and get drunk, and I'm not going to throw myself off some stupid cliff! YES, I regret what I said and how I said it, but I DO NOT REGRET WHY! I DO NOT TAKE IT BACK!
But Joe's never going to know that, I'm not his friend anymore. *points stubbornly to list*
I'm too afraid to go on AIM anyway. He's probably blocked all 13 of my SNs though. It's so easy to find all the ones he doesn't have, anyway. GAAH! More assumptions! Sometimes I think I don't have a brain in my head, just a highly absorbent cauliflower. Stinky, stupid, cauliflower.
And what do I do about that CCSF credit? I've gotten suggestions:
-French American International School
-Convent of the Sacred Heart (watch me burn before I even enter)
-Drew College Prepatory
-UC Extension (I thought that building here in SF was abandoned...)
-University of Utah, Online courses
The question is, will I be able to check into these without a) getting lazy, b) getting frustrated, or c) breaking down in tears because I was too lazy to do well my junior year and AVOID ALL THIS MESS! And I can still attempt to apply to SFSU anyhow, since people have been telling me that the 'requirement' for 2 years of a foriegn language is a "nice thing to have," but not mandatory. So I think I'll do THAT much now.
*pause* Okay, the deadline for applications for Fall or Summer 2003 was May 1st. -.- I thought it was like May 23rd or something, but... *sigh* Ah, you win some, you lose some. For Spring 2004, the deadline is August 1st, 2003, so I have all that time to a) take and pass that Japanese course SOMEWHERE, and b) get a job. Lots of potential places, amazingly, like Gables Stationery, In-N-Out, and Hot Topic (Stonestown).
Half of me wishes I could get into some huge brawl, some tremendous fight right now, because I feel like moving, and I also feel like kicking, punching, screaming, and using my teeth to rip into someone's arm. But sadly no, everyone has this impression that I'm this "nice, sweet girl," (no pun intended) or some sort of genius. Most people know that I AM EVERYTHING BUT ALL THAT FIDDLE FADDLE! But *sigh*ing again, I wish I was.
What else is there? Nothing, it's just one of those weekends, I guess. I want to watch an Elizabeth Taylor movie. I don't know why. As for the DVDs... "Scotland, PA," and "The Hypnotist" I'll wait till I'm with someone (namely the latter, since it's a scary movie, and I always enjoy good company when I watch such things). And till I have popcorn. I don't care if it gets in your teeth, or the taste lingers on your tongue, or its fattening, expensive, or dehydrates you. =P I like it, so nyah.
o_O Amber called earlier and said she wasn't coming to RTA anymore. O.O What does THAT mean? >_> And I wonder if Jeremy and Will are still doing that "bag" routine and need two girls in bikinis on either side of the machine! *snickers* I'd do it, too!
I'm shivering.
