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azuriteTAFF means 'Twisted and Fuzzy Feeling.' Right now I'm definitely living the twisted part. Today started out bad; I should have just stayed in bed and apologetically called PsyJoe, said "Dude, I'd love to chill and see Kill Bill, Vol. 2, but I'm tired and I feel like shit, so maybe another day." But nope, Mer wanted to be a good friend, and also stick to her word and do something on the Saturday she had initially planned to do something with her birthday on.
Well, it all went downhill from the moment I woke up. I've been tinkering with the idea that I'm anemic, or maybe just deficient in some vitamin or whatever, and I've been more lethargic and weak than ever. I sleep extended hours even when I don't have to; I have trouble falling asleep when I *am* tired, yadda yadda... Mom wanted me to see a doctor (for once), but I was never in the mood for it. I'd probably have to do a blood test, and that ain't my cup of tea anyhow.
So I was tired and wanted to put off leaving, so I called PsyJoe- turns out we *were* planning to see the 7:10 KBV2, so I didn't have to show until 4:30 or 5. I slept, slept, and slept-- until the last possible minute and I got the hell out of the house at 4:30. I got downtown just after 5, and thanks to a liquor store run, I was a bit more engergized with a Red Bull. First mistake-- I wanted the drink, but I paid $2.50 it. I never should have paid $2.50 for a dinky can of whatever the hell it is.
At the Met, only PsyJoe and... I forgot his name... dammit... were there. After WHN (What's His Name) played DDR, we went to the Initial D machine-- I forgot it was the "bad luck" one, and not only did I not get the chance to adjust the loose steering properly, but the wheel turned as I was selecting my opponent, and I had to waste my money going up against Tak again! >_< I wanted to play Shingo! Plus, WHN lost his money because the machine didn't issue him a card.
Then when we finally went inside, I couldn't find my ID card-- I thought I'd dropped it at one of the Initial D machines, so I went hunting all over the 3rd floor looking for it, but with no luck. I didn't get carded (luckily), but my ID card is still missing, and Jorge just *had* to fill my head with the story of how his friend's ID got stolen, and some asswipes used her number to hack into her bank account. Which is just what I need. I left my number with the Metreon anyway.
Kill Bill was good and everything, though I missed a few parts due to the inevitable bathroom break (the guy selling concessions on a cart suckered me into a Medium Coke. Damn him!) ... blah, blah, our people were the loudest in the theater, but we made the credits fun. We all cheered REALLLY loudly for Gogo, even though she wasn't even in this movie.
After that we went to Vince's, which is really nice looking now that the place is all done up. o_O In all honesty, it kind of stank in there, but... well, whatever. It's a guy's apartment, so I guess it can't be expected to smell like a girl's powder room or whatever.
The thing that has made today suck royally, above all else, happened less than an hour ago.
So Vince is driving me home, along with Dorkchop and Richie in the car, and I'm not really listening to their conversation; I'm having "fic author" observations about the trees and the shadows and the stars, and then I hear them say something about Joe going out with Jenny. I can't place who Jenny is immediately, but that confusion is immediately cleared when they say, "Joemi going out with Jenny." Ah, Jenny-- the girl at FX. The one who draws the pictures... who glomps me every now and then... she's nice and cute, and knows Duel Monsters really well. I like her.
Or liked her.
I'm so shocked I sort of stumble out of the car and mumble something like goodnight, but I just stand in the stairwell even after Vince has left.
And being the hard-headed dumbass I am, I decide the only way to sleep tonight is to ask Joe himself what's what. So I text message him and ask him flat out if he's going out with her. "Not really," he says. I say, "It's a yes or no question." So he says no. And I could have just left it at that, but I'm a glutton for torture (this is a TAFF fic, remember? My life is a TAFF fic, and we're just getting STARTED with the angst). So I TM back, "...do you like her that way?" I contemplated different ways of phrasing it, but all in all, I'm a blunt person. I can't fake or sugar-coat questions that are almost literally eating my brain cells away.
And then he replies.
"Yeah."
So what do I say? The most eloquent thing I can think of... "Oh."
And that's that. No more TMs.
I cried for about ten minutes, being the sissy I am. So far, my nineteenth year of life sucks. This might be the newly-awoken pessimist in me talking, but I don't see how I'm going to last to July 20th, let alone October 13th. I thought things were starting to look up, but maybe that was just me being too damn hopeful again.
This is me, folks. Stubborn, blunt, and so so so so stupid!
I can't think, I can't eat, I don't want to sleep right now. I'm cold and I'm alone, and I feel like shit, and I don't want to go to work tomorrow, even though it would probably provide the perfect distraction. Except I'd be alone in box office until 2:30 or later, so maybe it wouldn't be, after all.
In the end, the only person that I'd want to read this probably won't, so all this bitching and whining boils down to nothing at all.
He likes her, she probably (with 90% accuracy) likes him, and I'm just a stupid ex-girlfriend who has a tendency of thinking Very Stupid Thoughts Far Too Often.
Why couldn't someone put a Black Mamba in my camper?
Well, it all went downhill from the moment I woke up. I've been tinkering with the idea that I'm anemic, or maybe just deficient in some vitamin or whatever, and I've been more lethargic and weak than ever. I sleep extended hours even when I don't have to; I have trouble falling asleep when I *am* tired, yadda yadda... Mom wanted me to see a doctor (for once), but I was never in the mood for it. I'd probably have to do a blood test, and that ain't my cup of tea anyhow.
So I was tired and wanted to put off leaving, so I called PsyJoe- turns out we *were* planning to see the 7:10 KBV2, so I didn't have to show until 4:30 or 5. I slept, slept, and slept-- until the last possible minute and I got the hell out of the house at 4:30. I got downtown just after 5, and thanks to a liquor store run, I was a bit more engergized with a Red Bull. First mistake-- I wanted the drink, but I paid $2.50 it. I never should have paid $2.50 for a dinky can of whatever the hell it is.
At the Met, only PsyJoe and... I forgot his name... dammit... were there. After WHN (What's His Name) played DDR, we went to the Initial D machine-- I forgot it was the "bad luck" one, and not only did I not get the chance to adjust the loose steering properly, but the wheel turned as I was selecting my opponent, and I had to waste my money going up against Tak again! >_< I wanted to play Shingo! Plus, WHN lost his money because the machine didn't issue him a card.
Then when we finally went inside, I couldn't find my ID card-- I thought I'd dropped it at one of the Initial D machines, so I went hunting all over the 3rd floor looking for it, but with no luck. I didn't get carded (luckily), but my ID card is still missing, and Jorge just *had* to fill my head with the story of how his friend's ID got stolen, and some asswipes used her number to hack into her bank account. Which is just what I need. I left my number with the Metreon anyway.
Kill Bill was good and everything, though I missed a few parts due to the inevitable bathroom break (the guy selling concessions on a cart suckered me into a Medium Coke. Damn him!) ... blah, blah, our people were the loudest in the theater, but we made the credits fun. We all cheered REALLLY loudly for Gogo, even though she wasn't even in this movie.
After that we went to Vince's, which is really nice looking now that the place is all done up. o_O In all honesty, it kind of stank in there, but... well, whatever. It's a guy's apartment, so I guess it can't be expected to smell like a girl's powder room or whatever.
The thing that has made today suck royally, above all else, happened less than an hour ago.
So Vince is driving me home, along with Dorkchop and Richie in the car, and I'm not really listening to their conversation; I'm having "fic author" observations about the trees and the shadows and the stars, and then I hear them say something about Joe going out with Jenny. I can't place who Jenny is immediately, but that confusion is immediately cleared when they say, "Joemi going out with Jenny." Ah, Jenny-- the girl at FX. The one who draws the pictures... who glomps me every now and then... she's nice and cute, and knows Duel Monsters really well. I like her.
Or liked her.
I'm so shocked I sort of stumble out of the car and mumble something like goodnight, but I just stand in the stairwell even after Vince has left.
And being the hard-headed dumbass I am, I decide the only way to sleep tonight is to ask Joe himself what's what. So I text message him and ask him flat out if he's going out with her. "Not really," he says. I say, "It's a yes or no question." So he says no. And I could have just left it at that, but I'm a glutton for torture (this is a TAFF fic, remember? My life is a TAFF fic, and we're just getting STARTED with the angst). So I TM back, "...do you like her that way?" I contemplated different ways of phrasing it, but all in all, I'm a blunt person. I can't fake or sugar-coat questions that are almost literally eating my brain cells away.
And then he replies.
"Yeah."
So what do I say? The most eloquent thing I can think of... "Oh."
And that's that. No more TMs.
I cried for about ten minutes, being the sissy I am. So far, my nineteenth year of life sucks. This might be the newly-awoken pessimist in me talking, but I don't see how I'm going to last to July 20th, let alone October 13th. I thought things were starting to look up, but maybe that was just me being too damn hopeful again.
This is me, folks. Stubborn, blunt, and so so so so stupid!
I can't think, I can't eat, I don't want to sleep right now. I'm cold and I'm alone, and I feel like shit, and I don't want to go to work tomorrow, even though it would probably provide the perfect distraction. Except I'd be alone in box office until 2:30 or later, so maybe it wouldn't be, after all.
In the end, the only person that I'd want to read this probably won't, so all this bitching and whining boils down to nothing at all.
He likes her, she probably (with 90% accuracy) likes him, and I'm just a stupid ex-girlfriend who has a tendency of thinking Very Stupid Thoughts Far Too Often.
Why couldn't someone put a Black Mamba in my camper?
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-18 02:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-18 10:36 am (UTC)And I'd like to think I'm not so desperate to the point where I'm pining, but of course, I could be beyond all reason at this point, too.
And yeah, above all else, I appreciate honesty, so it's not like I'm complaining about what HE said-- just what I didn't DO.
"What's the R I feel the most right now?"
"Regret."
no subject
Date: 2004-04-18 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-18 02:53 am (UTC)Well
Date: 2004-04-18 10:37 am (UTC)Re: Well
Date: 2004-04-18 09:41 pm (UTC)