I wasn't myself
Nov. 6th, 2003 12:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteYesterday was weird. I wasn't myself (see subject line). My tarot readings for other people were off... guess I won't be doing THAT at work anymore. Just gives them an excuse to laugh at me or whatever. X_X
Ran out of my pills yesterday, and since I don't feel like asking mom for money for pills (especially THESE pills) or anything anymore (more on that later) I'm just going to pay for them myself. Need to get a new fast pass too, but Walgreen's doesn't sell 'em, do they? *sigh* Big long TRIP OUT OF THE WAY to Safeway, I guess... X_X;
Damnit, looks like not only did my direct deposit NOT go through, but it's $0.00! WTF!? Where's my salary BIZNATCHES!?!?! I have enough for my prescription and the pass, but still... :P *heave pant* Trying to keep calm. That wasn't easy yesterday... I had a few bitchy customers, who just couldn't get over the fact that Matrix:3 was sold out, and that our SIGN WAS WRONG! X_X Yeesh. Honestly people, 1) showing up 45 minutes before showtime won't get you a seat, especially if the shows have been sold out for 5 hours; 2) having purchased tickets online doesn't guarantee you a seat, guarantee you a GOOD seat, or guarantee you a seat with your FRIENDS/FAMILY/S.O.! This one bitch just kept yelling saying "Well you don't have to give me attitude," when I just calmly said, "Matrix is sold out, the sign is wrong, there are no more shows available tonight." ARGH!!!
Oh, and for the record, ALWAYS CALL THE THEATER! Online services, moviefone, and several newspapers do NOT get their showtimes from us. Therefore, they are not always correct. :P Call the theater to be sure. The same is true for ANY movie theater in San Francisco, most ESPECIALLY the Metreon! Don't think I'm making the 1000 out to be "bitchy-exempt." I'm not.
Mom didn't get milk last night. Nooo, she got BEER. Matter of fact, Gary might have been here, but what do I know? I come home last night, the heat's blasting and my house smells like the whole of the Haight. For the non-San Franciscans here, that translates to IT SMELLED LIKE WEED! MARIJUANA! MARY JANE! POT! Call it whatever the hell you want, but I am supremely sick of this. I have next to zero tolerance for my mom now, hardly any respect is left for her in my brains. And yeah, I've sealed the deal. I'm applying to CSUN. SFSU hasn't gotten back to me, and it looks like it really WAS some idiotic pipe-dream. I love my grandparents, I love LA, and I hate being here in SF with my mom. So, looks like if I get into CSUN, I'm GONE!
I had a dream about Michelle (late sis) the other night. We were just talking... something about black bandanas (the kind you tie around your head... Michelle and I both had a brief stint with that) and such. X_X I was glad she looked well and was happy. o_O Very odd. Residual effects of that little ritual? Maybe. In any case, it's my personal belief that mom's doing the same thing that pushed Michelle away from her. When Michelle caught mom smoking pot in the bathroom, she got VERY VERY angry. Any of you that have been to my house ever see that hole in the wall, about 6 inches across? It's from when my sister had mom hauled up against the wall (my mom was about 5'3", my sister... 6'2") and she kicked the wall open with her steel-toed boots. I loved my sister because she wasn't a woman to be crossed or messed with. A lot of you guys would have liked her; she was cool. She wanted to take me to Ghost in the Shell when I was like, 7! Anyway, so Michelle's trust in mom totally dropped at that point. Even when she came back to the house (she'd moved out for a bit) we just weren't family. And then when Michelle died...
Everything changed. I lost my Mom AND my sister. So that's why I want to get out of here. Because I really don't know what it will take to cram into mom's head that she's got no daughters left at this point. I feel so fickle when I say "Love you" when we're on the phone or whatever, I try not to say it because I believe in HONESTY! If I get out of here, who knows where her life will go? She's been saying she's been doing better since Michelle died, but honestly, that must be horseshit. Pardon my language, but this is my family, my life, my words, my passion. You don't like it, leave. Why would my mom keep on smoking pot, anyway? She has no medical reason. THAT I can at least understand. (Though the whole concept of "smoking for health" is about as strong as a toothpick under a 10 ton anvil) And after Michelle died, I thought I remembered her saying she'd STOP, but she didn't. Now she has no shame in smoking when I'm home, no respect for me, my asthma, my feelings. Is it farfetched to say I'm starting to hate her for this? I'm not sure whether I'd rather punch something or just break down and cry. Stupid little things get to me because of big problems like this, you see?
Talked to one of the managers about getting off Thanksgiving... it's something I have to arrange with Dad, in part, since I need to know how to get there... and with my paycheck being $0.00, it's highly unlikely I can swing a plane ticket. -.-; Leave Thursday morning, get there later... be there for the dinner, leave by Saturday afternoon so I can work Sunday (or at worse, Saturday night).
On the bright side? Got more ideas for WDKY, worked on the whole conflict/reasoning of the story (this is what happens when I whip out my "How to" writer's guides...) and found my tarot book! :D No more crusty old gypsy style tarot readings, it's the official book that came with my cards! X_X I know, I know, I must be lame for still using it... why don't YOU try memorizing the meanings of over 70 different cards, upside down AND right-side up, in conjunction with other cards in a given multi-card spread!? Do you know how many different spreads there are? Over 400 MILLION! It's impossible for you to ever have the same spread twice, or the same spread as someone else... unless tarot cards have been around for 40,000 years, which I doubt. :P
*sigh*
Ran out of my pills yesterday, and since I don't feel like asking mom for money for pills (especially THESE pills) or anything anymore (more on that later) I'm just going to pay for them myself. Need to get a new fast pass too, but Walgreen's doesn't sell 'em, do they? *sigh* Big long TRIP OUT OF THE WAY to Safeway, I guess... X_X;
Damnit, looks like not only did my direct deposit NOT go through, but it's $0.00! WTF!? Where's my salary BIZNATCHES!?!?! I have enough for my prescription and the pass, but still... :P *heave pant* Trying to keep calm. That wasn't easy yesterday... I had a few bitchy customers, who just couldn't get over the fact that Matrix:3 was sold out, and that our SIGN WAS WRONG! X_X Yeesh. Honestly people, 1) showing up 45 minutes before showtime won't get you a seat, especially if the shows have been sold out for 5 hours; 2) having purchased tickets online doesn't guarantee you a seat, guarantee you a GOOD seat, or guarantee you a seat with your FRIENDS/FAMILY/S.O.! This one bitch just kept yelling saying "Well you don't have to give me attitude," when I just calmly said, "Matrix is sold out, the sign is wrong, there are no more shows available tonight." ARGH!!!
Oh, and for the record, ALWAYS CALL THE THEATER! Online services, moviefone, and several newspapers do NOT get their showtimes from us. Therefore, they are not always correct. :P Call the theater to be sure. The same is true for ANY movie theater in San Francisco, most ESPECIALLY the Metreon! Don't think I'm making the 1000 out to be "bitchy-exempt." I'm not.
Mom didn't get milk last night. Nooo, she got BEER. Matter of fact, Gary might have been here, but what do I know? I come home last night, the heat's blasting and my house smells like the whole of the Haight. For the non-San Franciscans here, that translates to IT SMELLED LIKE WEED! MARIJUANA! MARY JANE! POT! Call it whatever the hell you want, but I am supremely sick of this. I have next to zero tolerance for my mom now, hardly any respect is left for her in my brains. And yeah, I've sealed the deal. I'm applying to CSUN. SFSU hasn't gotten back to me, and it looks like it really WAS some idiotic pipe-dream. I love my grandparents, I love LA, and I hate being here in SF with my mom. So, looks like if I get into CSUN, I'm GONE!
I had a dream about Michelle (late sis) the other night. We were just talking... something about black bandanas (the kind you tie around your head... Michelle and I both had a brief stint with that) and such. X_X I was glad she looked well and was happy. o_O Very odd. Residual effects of that little ritual? Maybe. In any case, it's my personal belief that mom's doing the same thing that pushed Michelle away from her. When Michelle caught mom smoking pot in the bathroom, she got VERY VERY angry. Any of you that have been to my house ever see that hole in the wall, about 6 inches across? It's from when my sister had mom hauled up against the wall (my mom was about 5'3", my sister... 6'2") and she kicked the wall open with her steel-toed boots. I loved my sister because she wasn't a woman to be crossed or messed with. A lot of you guys would have liked her; she was cool. She wanted to take me to Ghost in the Shell when I was like, 7! Anyway, so Michelle's trust in mom totally dropped at that point. Even when she came back to the house (she'd moved out for a bit) we just weren't family. And then when Michelle died...
Everything changed. I lost my Mom AND my sister. So that's why I want to get out of here. Because I really don't know what it will take to cram into mom's head that she's got no daughters left at this point. I feel so fickle when I say "Love you" when we're on the phone or whatever, I try not to say it because I believe in HONESTY! If I get out of here, who knows where her life will go? She's been saying she's been doing better since Michelle died, but honestly, that must be horseshit. Pardon my language, but this is my family, my life, my words, my passion. You don't like it, leave. Why would my mom keep on smoking pot, anyway? She has no medical reason. THAT I can at least understand. (Though the whole concept of "smoking for health" is about as strong as a toothpick under a 10 ton anvil) And after Michelle died, I thought I remembered her saying she'd STOP, but she didn't. Now she has no shame in smoking when I'm home, no respect for me, my asthma, my feelings. Is it farfetched to say I'm starting to hate her for this? I'm not sure whether I'd rather punch something or just break down and cry. Stupid little things get to me because of big problems like this, you see?
Talked to one of the managers about getting off Thanksgiving... it's something I have to arrange with Dad, in part, since I need to know how to get there... and with my paycheck being $0.00, it's highly unlikely I can swing a plane ticket. -.-; Leave Thursday morning, get there later... be there for the dinner, leave by Saturday afternoon so I can work Sunday (or at worse, Saturday night).
On the bright side? Got more ideas for WDKY, worked on the whole conflict/reasoning of the story (this is what happens when I whip out my "How to" writer's guides...) and found my tarot book! :D No more crusty old gypsy style tarot readings, it's the official book that came with my cards! X_X I know, I know, I must be lame for still using it... why don't YOU try memorizing the meanings of over 70 different cards, upside down AND right-side up, in conjunction with other cards in a given multi-card spread!? Do you know how many different spreads there are? Over 400 MILLION! It's impossible for you to ever have the same spread twice, or the same spread as someone else... unless tarot cards have been around for 40,000 years, which I doubt. :P
*sigh*
