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azuriteSo, I'm hanging out here at Bob Hope (Burbank) Airport, waiting for my 6:05 p.m. flight to San Francisco/Oakland. I've actually been here since about 4, because the shuttle service I got is all HARDCORE and said my pick-up time would be at 3:45. Actually, the guy came at 3:15. -_- On the bright side, I actually got to say bye to my grandparents before they went shopping.
I ended up going with Express Shuttle, which doesn't actually have a Ride-Share/Shared Van Service to where I live (and which they didn't inform me about), but they did send a PRIVATE SUV. To be precise, they sent a Honda Element. I hate box cars, but this one was actually pretty comfy. Despite the $25+ extra cost compared to Super Shuttle, this was nice-- not only did I make it to Burbank in record time, but the driver was SAFE (I can't STAND it when they don't buckle their seatbelts!) and very polite. It may very well have been WORTH the extra money, for that. Besides, the security line ended up being longer than I've ever seen it here at Burbank, and I hadn't had lunch, so I stopped by Chezz Burger and had one of the most *delicious* cheeseburgers (and it was rectangular!) I've ever had in my life. I'm sure if I'd taken Super Shuttle, none of that would have happened.
Moving on, an airport is a great place to see people of all sorts. Let's take a quick safari and see what we can see:
SPECIMEN A: Dirty-Pretty Flyer - This female mammal is surprisingly common in airports. They are often seen lingering in restrooms and being excessively concerned with their appearance, but failing to wash their hands thoroughly. The most recent sighting of this creature revealed a distaste for anything taking more than 15 seconds, which includes proper hand-washing. Soap was available in the vicinity, as were paper hand-towels, so the bizarre behavior of this female is quite shocking.
(Seriously ladies, it's FUCKING DISGUSTING to go into a place so public, so crowded and used as a restroom and NOT WASH YOUR HANDS. Some people can get away with not doing it at rarely-used restrooms --but how can you be the judge of that?-- and some have their own cleaning options --sanitary wipes or sanitizing gel-- in places whose sinks are more disgusting than anything else. But an airport, where everything is constantly re-stocked? What's your excuse for NOT using soap and washing your hands for a measly 20 seconds? Even if you're rushing to be on a flight, it's *20* seconds! And the moment someone says "Oh, but it wasn't that dirty" or "But I didn't touch anything," let me take my shovel and splat some BULLSHIT on your head. Because guess what? GERMS ARE NOT VISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE. And they don't need you to slather your hands all over a door handle/faucet knob/your nether-parts for them to spread! If a hardly-used university library bathroom has the highest E. Coli percentage in the ENTIRE university, beating out even the most-used restroom in the school, how do you think an airport, which sees TENS OF THOUSANDS of people daily, is in terms of germs? Even if you have regular cleaning, they're taking 30 minutes to pick up trash, refill soap/paper dispensers, and MAYBE mop. They do NOT sanitize every surface, which means GERMS ARE EVERYWHERE!)
SPECIMEN B: Illiterate Flyers - These mammals are also shockingly common, found sitting in areas clearly marked for "no stopping, sitting, standing, or loitering." They come in all ages, genders, sizes, and economic classes.
(Honestly people, the signs are spaced apart about every TWO feet. Not even a yard, EVERY TWO FEET. They're bright red. The area where you're NOT supposed to stop/sit/stand/loiter is about six feet wide and BRIGHT RED. Red meaning STOP BAD DO NOT WANT. And yet people still sit there. I honestly wish the airport had more cops patrolling it to kick these shmucks out of the way. For one, the area exists for emergencies, and I'm betting these illiterate lumps would just look around stupidly if alarms started to blare and people had to evacuate. Another thing is, the "Emergency Evacuation Pathway" is right next to the entryway of all stores, bathrooms, etc. So when they "make camp" they're blocking the paths of people getting in and out of these. And then they glare at you as if you've done something wrong by accidentally tripping over their stuck-out legs! WTF!?)
A subset of the Illiterate Flyers is the 2Bz2Read Flyer, who is too engrossed in their nails/cell phone/portable game system/book/gossip buddy/etc. to read the signs at the security check point, telling them:
a) have your boarding pass AND a photo ID out (not a birth certificate WITH a Photo ID, not your Bachelor's Degree with your airline card!)
b) Take off your jacket/blazer/coat
c) Remove all jewelry and any metal accessories, including those in your pockets, e.g. belts, money clips, sunglasses, possibly watches, bracelets, cell phones, spare change...
d) TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN SHOES - This is in effect in every airport I've been to in the past year or more. It hasn't changed. It probably won't change. Why are people still so baffled by this? You see everyone else in front of you doing it. The sign says to do it IN BIG RED LETTERS... I mean, how do you miss it?
e) All your liquids must be in 3 oz. containers or less. Oh, and that includes gels (like your hair gel, shampoos, conditioners), sprays (hairspray and other aerosols, including asthma inhalers), creams (facial creams), and pastes (toothpaste). They must be inside a SINGLE, 1-quart bag-- not a 1-gallon bag! Not a plastic grocery bag! A ZIP-TOP 1-QUART BAG! This is why stores sell cute little travel containers for all your makeups. I even make my own blends in these; they're very handy! And I hardly ever fill the bag to absolute capacity, because it's pretty easy to determine what I *really* need in my Carry-On. People that do tend to stuff their bags too full really ought to consider the benefits of bag check. And this is coming from someone who used to HATE checking bags, who has had bags delayed (sent on other flights) or man-handled. Oh, and said bag must be removed from your carry-on luggage, just as electronics like laptops must be removed from their cases.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD! I really hate it when people like this hold up security lines, especially wearing all sorts of bling as they walk through the metal detectors. Certain metals set off a detector, others don't. Minimize the amount of metal you wear, and you'll get through the security FASTER, no matter how long the line is!
Anyway, I'm sure people have seen all this, seen worse, seen more. But I just had to vent, because being around stupid people hurts my brain.
I ended up going with Express Shuttle, which doesn't actually have a Ride-Share/Shared Van Service to where I live (and which they didn't inform me about), but they did send a PRIVATE SUV. To be precise, they sent a Honda Element. I hate box cars, but this one was actually pretty comfy. Despite the $25+ extra cost compared to Super Shuttle, this was nice-- not only did I make it to Burbank in record time, but the driver was SAFE (I can't STAND it when they don't buckle their seatbelts!) and very polite. It may very well have been WORTH the extra money, for that. Besides, the security line ended up being longer than I've ever seen it here at Burbank, and I hadn't had lunch, so I stopped by Chezz Burger and had one of the most *delicious* cheeseburgers (and it was rectangular!) I've ever had in my life. I'm sure if I'd taken Super Shuttle, none of that would have happened.
Moving on, an airport is a great place to see people of all sorts. Let's take a quick safari and see what we can see:
SPECIMEN A: Dirty-Pretty Flyer - This female mammal is surprisingly common in airports. They are often seen lingering in restrooms and being excessively concerned with their appearance, but failing to wash their hands thoroughly. The most recent sighting of this creature revealed a distaste for anything taking more than 15 seconds, which includes proper hand-washing. Soap was available in the vicinity, as were paper hand-towels, so the bizarre behavior of this female is quite shocking.
(Seriously ladies, it's FUCKING DISGUSTING to go into a place so public, so crowded and used as a restroom and NOT WASH YOUR HANDS. Some people can get away with not doing it at rarely-used restrooms --but how can you be the judge of that?-- and some have their own cleaning options --sanitary wipes or sanitizing gel-- in places whose sinks are more disgusting than anything else. But an airport, where everything is constantly re-stocked? What's your excuse for NOT using soap and washing your hands for a measly 20 seconds? Even if you're rushing to be on a flight, it's *20* seconds! And the moment someone says "Oh, but it wasn't that dirty" or "But I didn't touch anything," let me take my shovel and splat some BULLSHIT on your head. Because guess what? GERMS ARE NOT VISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE. And they don't need you to slather your hands all over a door handle/faucet knob/your nether-parts for them to spread! If a hardly-used university library bathroom has the highest E. Coli percentage in the ENTIRE university, beating out even the most-used restroom in the school, how do you think an airport, which sees TENS OF THOUSANDS of people daily, is in terms of germs? Even if you have regular cleaning, they're taking 30 minutes to pick up trash, refill soap/paper dispensers, and MAYBE mop. They do NOT sanitize every surface, which means GERMS ARE EVERYWHERE!)
SPECIMEN B: Illiterate Flyers - These mammals are also shockingly common, found sitting in areas clearly marked for "no stopping, sitting, standing, or loitering." They come in all ages, genders, sizes, and economic classes.
(Honestly people, the signs are spaced apart about every TWO feet. Not even a yard, EVERY TWO FEET. They're bright red. The area where you're NOT supposed to stop/sit/stand/loiter is about six feet wide and BRIGHT RED. Red meaning STOP BAD DO NOT WANT. And yet people still sit there. I honestly wish the airport had more cops patrolling it to kick these shmucks out of the way. For one, the area exists for emergencies, and I'm betting these illiterate lumps would just look around stupidly if alarms started to blare and people had to evacuate. Another thing is, the "Emergency Evacuation Pathway" is right next to the entryway of all stores, bathrooms, etc. So when they "make camp" they're blocking the paths of people getting in and out of these. And then they glare at you as if you've done something wrong by accidentally tripping over their stuck-out legs! WTF!?)
A subset of the Illiterate Flyers is the 2Bz2Read Flyer, who is too engrossed in their nails/cell phone/portable game system/book/gossip buddy/etc. to read the signs at the security check point, telling them:
a) have your boarding pass AND a photo ID out (not a birth certificate WITH a Photo ID, not your Bachelor's Degree with your airline card!)
b) Take off your jacket/blazer/coat
c) Remove all jewelry and any metal accessories, including those in your pockets, e.g. belts, money clips, sunglasses, possibly watches, bracelets, cell phones, spare change...
d) TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN SHOES - This is in effect in every airport I've been to in the past year or more. It hasn't changed. It probably won't change. Why are people still so baffled by this? You see everyone else in front of you doing it. The sign says to do it IN BIG RED LETTERS... I mean, how do you miss it?
e) All your liquids must be in 3 oz. containers or less. Oh, and that includes gels (like your hair gel, shampoos, conditioners), sprays (hairspray and other aerosols, including asthma inhalers), creams (facial creams), and pastes (toothpaste). They must be inside a SINGLE, 1-quart bag-- not a 1-gallon bag! Not a plastic grocery bag! A ZIP-TOP 1-QUART BAG! This is why stores sell cute little travel containers for all your makeups. I even make my own blends in these; they're very handy! And I hardly ever fill the bag to absolute capacity, because it's pretty easy to determine what I *really* need in my Carry-On. People that do tend to stuff their bags too full really ought to consider the benefits of bag check. And this is coming from someone who used to HATE checking bags, who has had bags delayed (sent on other flights) or man-handled. Oh, and said bag must be removed from your carry-on luggage, just as electronics like laptops must be removed from their cases.
IT'S NOT THAT HARD! I really hate it when people like this hold up security lines, especially wearing all sorts of bling as they walk through the metal detectors. Certain metals set off a detector, others don't. Minimize the amount of metal you wear, and you'll get through the security FASTER, no matter how long the line is!
Anyway, I'm sure people have seen all this, seen worse, seen more. But I just had to vent, because being around stupid people hurts my brain.
