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azuriteTitle: Counting
Genres: Drama/(W)angst/Romance/Action??
Pairing(s): Sousuke Sagara x Kaname Chidori
Rating: PG? PG13?
Notes: Dedicated to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mklutz. I owe you double, so if you like this, I'll continue it. Otherwise... it's not really a drabble, it's more of a ficlet... if I can manage to not babble. In any case, it's an idea that's been burning my brain cells out of my ears, so it needs to get written, especially before I watch more of TSR.
Spoilers for Episode 5 of Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid or the Owaru: Day by Day novels. >_> Sorry, it cannot be helped.
Three weeks. That meant twenty-one days, sixteen hours, two minutes, and forty-one seconds had passed.
Forty-two...
Forty-three...
He blinked.
She was still gone.
Nothing anyone could say or do would change that.
He didn't want it to be true. He didn't want to start believing that she was really gone, and that it was because of him-- his fault. His negligence.
"Just say it then! 'I want to be with her and I don't want you to stand in my way!'"
What if the Captain was right? What if that was really what the strange feelings inside him meant? The anger at being removed from Kaname's guard, the jealousy that some unknown agent from the Intelligence Division --codename: Wraith-- had the privilege of watching over Kaname all the time...
'When I can't.'
His primary mission had always been to guard Kaname Chidori, one of the world's few known Whispereds. No one was sure why, but Kaname, like Captain Testarossa, possessed knowledge within her head that had no discernible source. She was born with knowledge inside her, knowledge that enabled the creation of Black Technology.
It was far more advanced than anything else the world had ever seen, and it was changing everything about battle, warfare, and how people lived their lives.
But Sousuke Sagara didn't ask questions. He obeyed orders. That was how he'd always been. He was comfortable with that kind of lifestyle... until recently.
"When are you going to start thinking of your future, Sousuke? You can't always mindlessly follow orders!"
It was strange hearing something like that coming from his commanding officer's lips. Melissa Mao... maybe Weber wasn't always trying to be stupid whenever he called her "Sis". There was something "older sister" in her attitude, even if sometimes she breached protocol with the way she acted.
Was that a weakness, then? To care?
Apparently so. It was probably part of the unspoken reason why the Captain had agreed to take Sousuke off Kaname's guard.
...And the other part?
'Arbalest.'
He hated that infernal machine. He couldn't possibly believe that it was anything more than that, anything greater than that. He hated it, without really knowing why.
It was just one more thing to remind him of what he had failed at: figuring out the Lambda Driver, protecting Kaname... being there when she needed him the most.
Wraith was dead.
Kaname used 'his' cell phone to call Mithril-- and somehow, she'd patched herself directly through to Captain Testarossa. Whatever words the two Whispered girls had shared, none of the crew had been privileged to hear them. Sousuke himself didn't even find out about Tessa's order to pick up Kaname until the M9s had been dispatched.
"Concentrate on the Arbalest," they'd said. And even with Wraith dead and no one officially guarding Kaname now, the order from before --to not have any contact with Kaname Chidori whatsoever-- probably still stood. So they didn't tell him about the mission to pick up Kaname and Wraith's body. He had no part in it, no say at all.
Kalinin forbade him from going anywhere near the hangar where Kaname would be arriving. No one had any access to the Merida Island infirmary, where Kaname was likely undergoing tests to find out if she was okay.
"Stay away from her."
Those were his orders.
He had never wanted to disobey orders more than in that moment.
Strangely enough, it was even harder to keep himself away from her, to not find some way of seeing her or contacting her than it had been to leave without saying goodbye.
But everything went to hell the moment she started to scream.
Guards and medics rushed from every end of the base, and in the fray, Sousuke found himself an entry. If anyone spotted him, they didn't try and prevent him from getting in to see Kaname-- and see her he did. The crowds and the labyrinthine hallways led him to an observation room looking into a small, private ward, where Kaname was writhing painfully under white sheets.
Time seemed to slow to an insanely slow pace as Sousuke watched her squeeze her eyes shut, wince and scream in pain, struggle with her restrained arms and legs, and start to cry.
One tear.
Two, three, four...
Too many to count. He lost track. Maybe his own numbers got mixed with hers.
The doctors covered up the observation window, a bulletproof plate of one-way glass. It wasn't just the observation room that suddenly became dark; it was Sousuke's whole world.
He forgot about the Arbalest and its Lambda Driver. He forgot about the various missions, the orders, the teams and the divisions. He even forgot about Wraith.
For the past twenty-one days, sixteen hours, three minutes, and twelve seconds, all he had been thinking about was her.
Tessa emerged from the ward, her chin practically glued to her chest. She wasn't crying, but her face was that same red color Sousuke had come to associate with the pale captain's sign that she was feeling emotionally overloaded.
But he had nothing to say to her, anyway.
He suppressed his surprise when she actually stopped in front of him, keeping her chin to her chest, her gaze to the floor, and her hands clasped tightly in front of her.
"...Sagara--"
She never called him 'Sousuke.' That name only sounded right coming from Kaname's lips, anyway.
To everyone in Mithril, he was only 'Sergeant Sagara.' It didn't matter that he was closer to Mao and Weber than anyone else; that was probably true of all the special divisions and teams within Mithril. It didn't matter that he had a special relationship with Kalinin, just because he was the man that had taken a young Sagara Sousuke -once "Kashim"- under his wing, and into Mithril.
For years, he had believed that Mithril was the right thing for him, the right place. Maybe it was even a kind of 'home' for him. But as of late...
Twenty-one days, sixteen hours, four minutes, thirty-nine seconds.
'Maybe it's not the right place for me anymore.'
Even if that was true, what could he do? Where could he go? He would always be on the run from one organization or the other. And living in Japan the past six months had only proven one thing: missions, orders, battle, warfare; they were his life, they were all he knew. It didn't matter how much he couldn't stand to do anything but take orders from Captain Testarossa; it didn't matter that he hated piloting the Arbalest, even though he was the one the machine was optimized for, the ONLY one who could activate the Lambda Driver, in the face of so many terrorists who didn't even bat an eye about activating theirs...
Besides, Kaname was gone.
His only real reason to leave Mithril --and the one reason to stay in it, too, ironically enough-- was gone.
And he hadn't done anything.
"She's... she's dying, Sagara. I'm sorry."
He couldn't say anything. As with the order that rescinded his guard duty over Kaname, the only thing he could do was clench his fists and try not to scream.
"Actually," Tessa twisted one of her arms toward her, clutching it with her free hand, "She's disappearing."
Sousuke only looked at her.
"You can see her, if you like-- but she's heavily sedated. Still, we don't know how much longer she has..." Tessa looked at the blackened observation window and sighed. There was something odd in her eyes, something sad, but Sousuke didn't know what. He didn't care to ask.
He went in without asking Tessa anything. He went in without even looking at her.
Sousuke remembered her face. It looked... peaceful. Calm. Not at all in pain or agony, like he'd seen her in before.
For some reason, that made him happy.
Then he spotted the restraints keeping her arms and legs pinned to the bed. The IV feeding drugs into her system, likely keeping her unconscious.
'Asleep. Pain-free.'
But dying.
Why Kaname?
"Disappearing," Tessa had said. Sousuke didn't understand or care to ask his captain to clarify. But one look at Kaname revealed everything.
For one, her legs were much shorter than they had been before. Sousuke was hesitant to touch any part of Kaname, but it didn't matter anyway; where Kaname's calves should have been, Sousuke's hand met with soft mattress.
Disappearing.
Why Kaname, why?
Twenty-one days, sixteen hours, twelve minutes, forty-five seconds.
He was staring out at the morning glow; the sunrise just as it breached the Pacific Horizon beyond Merida Island. It was beautiful, but it wasn't enough. Part of him wanted to be fishing; a bigger part of him simply wanted Kaname with him.
He didn't know why.
It took Sousuke Sagara a long time to figure out these things; he wasn't very good at anything that didn't have to do with advanced tactics or weaponry. At Jindai High School, he'd done moderately well with Ancient History; analyzing the battle tactics of the samurai of early Japan actually fascinated Sousuke.
But... he wasn't a high school student. He wasn't normal. He didn't belong there.
Especially now, with Kaname gone...
And that was when he saw it. Just a glimmer in the growing sunlight.
'An ECS?'
There weren't any M9s out, though. No one had been dispatched in the past three weeks, ever since Kaname--
But there was a familiar rush of wind, going in the opposite direction of what it had been a moment ago.
Sergeant Sagara Sousuke broke out into a run and headed back to the base.
By the time he got there, half the base was awake and in a frenzy; alarms had started going off like crazy, signaling all sorts of crazy and impossible things. The other half of the base was confused and groggy, stirred from their short sleeps and wondering what was going on, and just what emergency they had to respond to.
When the ceiling hatch to the Arm-Slave hangar opened up, seemingly of its own free will, they merged on that location... and waited.
Sagara wasn't ready for battle; he wasn't armed. He, like so many of the other people disturbed by the sudden alarm call, stood in the hangar and watched... and waited.
The morning sunlight streamed into the hangar, temporarily blinding everyone- but Sousuke continued to look. He saw that same glimmer again, the tell-tale sign of an ECS cloaking system, and he knew.
There was a shimmer, and the pilot of the mysterious Arm-Slave dropped its ECS. One hand signal from Kalinin had a squadron of rifleman aiming at what everyone assumed was the cockpit, and when it opened, releasing steam from the internal hydraulics, they locked their hammers. One squeeze of the trigger would be all it took...
A tall, slender figure wearing a standard black M9 suit emerged from the cockpit, the pilot's face still covered by a helmet quite unlike anything Sousuke had ever seen before.
The pilot looked down at everyone --looking up, guns at the ready-- and shook its head. Two hands raised up, up... and touched the helmet, tugging it off the pilot's head.
Dark, shimmering hair toppled down, the very end of it tied with a scarlet bow.
Eyes widened, guns dropped, and people started to murmur.
"I've been gone so long, and this is the welcoming party I get?"
Sousuke could only stare.
'Kaname...?!'
Genres: Drama/(W)angst/Romance/Action??
Pairing(s): Sousuke Sagara x Kaname Chidori
Rating: PG? PG13?
Notes: Dedicated to
mklutz. I owe you double, so if you like this, I'll continue it. Otherwise... it's not really a drabble, it's more of a ficlet... if I can manage to not babble. In any case, it's an idea that's been burning my brain cells out of my ears, so it needs to get written, especially before I watch more of TSR.Spoilers for Episode 5 of Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid or the Owaru: Day by Day novels. >_> Sorry, it cannot be helped.
Three weeks. That meant twenty-one days, sixteen hours, two minutes, and forty-one seconds had passed.
Forty-two...
Forty-three...
He blinked.
She was still gone.
Nothing anyone could say or do would change that.
He didn't want it to be true. He didn't want to start believing that she was really gone, and that it was because of him-- his fault. His negligence.
"Just say it then! 'I want to be with her and I don't want you to stand in my way!'"
What if the Captain was right? What if that was really what the strange feelings inside him meant? The anger at being removed from Kaname's guard, the jealousy that some unknown agent from the Intelligence Division --codename: Wraith-- had the privilege of watching over Kaname all the time...
'When I can't.'
His primary mission had always been to guard Kaname Chidori, one of the world's few known Whispereds. No one was sure why, but Kaname, like Captain Testarossa, possessed knowledge within her head that had no discernible source. She was born with knowledge inside her, knowledge that enabled the creation of Black Technology.
It was far more advanced than anything else the world had ever seen, and it was changing everything about battle, warfare, and how people lived their lives.
But Sousuke Sagara didn't ask questions. He obeyed orders. That was how he'd always been. He was comfortable with that kind of lifestyle... until recently.
"When are you going to start thinking of your future, Sousuke? You can't always mindlessly follow orders!"
It was strange hearing something like that coming from his commanding officer's lips. Melissa Mao... maybe Weber wasn't always trying to be stupid whenever he called her "Sis". There was something "older sister" in her attitude, even if sometimes she breached protocol with the way she acted.
Was that a weakness, then? To care?
Apparently so. It was probably part of the unspoken reason why the Captain had agreed to take Sousuke off Kaname's guard.
...And the other part?
'Arbalest.'
He hated that infernal machine. He couldn't possibly believe that it was anything more than that, anything greater than that. He hated it, without really knowing why.
It was just one more thing to remind him of what he had failed at: figuring out the Lambda Driver, protecting Kaname... being there when she needed him the most.
Wraith was dead.
Kaname used 'his' cell phone to call Mithril-- and somehow, she'd patched herself directly through to Captain Testarossa. Whatever words the two Whispered girls had shared, none of the crew had been privileged to hear them. Sousuke himself didn't even find out about Tessa's order to pick up Kaname until the M9s had been dispatched.
"Concentrate on the Arbalest," they'd said. And even with Wraith dead and no one officially guarding Kaname now, the order from before --to not have any contact with Kaname Chidori whatsoever-- probably still stood. So they didn't tell him about the mission to pick up Kaname and Wraith's body. He had no part in it, no say at all.
Kalinin forbade him from going anywhere near the hangar where Kaname would be arriving. No one had any access to the Merida Island infirmary, where Kaname was likely undergoing tests to find out if she was okay.
"Stay away from her."
Those were his orders.
He had never wanted to disobey orders more than in that moment.
Strangely enough, it was even harder to keep himself away from her, to not find some way of seeing her or contacting her than it had been to leave without saying goodbye.
But everything went to hell the moment she started to scream.
Guards and medics rushed from every end of the base, and in the fray, Sousuke found himself an entry. If anyone spotted him, they didn't try and prevent him from getting in to see Kaname-- and see her he did. The crowds and the labyrinthine hallways led him to an observation room looking into a small, private ward, where Kaname was writhing painfully under white sheets.
Time seemed to slow to an insanely slow pace as Sousuke watched her squeeze her eyes shut, wince and scream in pain, struggle with her restrained arms and legs, and start to cry.
One tear.
Two, three, four...
Too many to count. He lost track. Maybe his own numbers got mixed with hers.
The doctors covered up the observation window, a bulletproof plate of one-way glass. It wasn't just the observation room that suddenly became dark; it was Sousuke's whole world.
He forgot about the Arbalest and its Lambda Driver. He forgot about the various missions, the orders, the teams and the divisions. He even forgot about Wraith.
For the past twenty-one days, sixteen hours, three minutes, and twelve seconds, all he had been thinking about was her.
Tessa emerged from the ward, her chin practically glued to her chest. She wasn't crying, but her face was that same red color Sousuke had come to associate with the pale captain's sign that she was feeling emotionally overloaded.
But he had nothing to say to her, anyway.
He suppressed his surprise when she actually stopped in front of him, keeping her chin to her chest, her gaze to the floor, and her hands clasped tightly in front of her.
"...Sagara--"
She never called him 'Sousuke.' That name only sounded right coming from Kaname's lips, anyway.
To everyone in Mithril, he was only 'Sergeant Sagara.' It didn't matter that he was closer to Mao and Weber than anyone else; that was probably true of all the special divisions and teams within Mithril. It didn't matter that he had a special relationship with Kalinin, just because he was the man that had taken a young Sagara Sousuke -once "Kashim"- under his wing, and into Mithril.
For years, he had believed that Mithril was the right thing for him, the right place. Maybe it was even a kind of 'home' for him. But as of late...
Twenty-one days, sixteen hours, four minutes, thirty-nine seconds.
'Maybe it's not the right place for me anymore.'
Even if that was true, what could he do? Where could he go? He would always be on the run from one organization or the other. And living in Japan the past six months had only proven one thing: missions, orders, battle, warfare; they were his life, they were all he knew. It didn't matter how much he couldn't stand to do anything but take orders from Captain Testarossa; it didn't matter that he hated piloting the Arbalest, even though he was the one the machine was optimized for, the ONLY one who could activate the Lambda Driver, in the face of so many terrorists who didn't even bat an eye about activating theirs...
Besides, Kaname was gone.
His only real reason to leave Mithril --and the one reason to stay in it, too, ironically enough-- was gone.
And he hadn't done anything.
"She's... she's dying, Sagara. I'm sorry."
He couldn't say anything. As with the order that rescinded his guard duty over Kaname, the only thing he could do was clench his fists and try not to scream.
"Actually," Tessa twisted one of her arms toward her, clutching it with her free hand, "She's disappearing."
Sousuke only looked at her.
"You can see her, if you like-- but she's heavily sedated. Still, we don't know how much longer she has..." Tessa looked at the blackened observation window and sighed. There was something odd in her eyes, something sad, but Sousuke didn't know what. He didn't care to ask.
He went in without asking Tessa anything. He went in without even looking at her.
Sousuke remembered her face. It looked... peaceful. Calm. Not at all in pain or agony, like he'd seen her in before.
For some reason, that made him happy.
Then he spotted the restraints keeping her arms and legs pinned to the bed. The IV feeding drugs into her system, likely keeping her unconscious.
'Asleep. Pain-free.'
But dying.
Why Kaname?
"Disappearing," Tessa had said. Sousuke didn't understand or care to ask his captain to clarify. But one look at Kaname revealed everything.
For one, her legs were much shorter than they had been before. Sousuke was hesitant to touch any part of Kaname, but it didn't matter anyway; where Kaname's calves should have been, Sousuke's hand met with soft mattress.
Disappearing.
Why Kaname, why?
Twenty-one days, sixteen hours, twelve minutes, forty-five seconds.
He was staring out at the morning glow; the sunrise just as it breached the Pacific Horizon beyond Merida Island. It was beautiful, but it wasn't enough. Part of him wanted to be fishing; a bigger part of him simply wanted Kaname with him.
He didn't know why.
It took Sousuke Sagara a long time to figure out these things; he wasn't very good at anything that didn't have to do with advanced tactics or weaponry. At Jindai High School, he'd done moderately well with Ancient History; analyzing the battle tactics of the samurai of early Japan actually fascinated Sousuke.
But... he wasn't a high school student. He wasn't normal. He didn't belong there.
Especially now, with Kaname gone...
And that was when he saw it. Just a glimmer in the growing sunlight.
'An ECS?'
There weren't any M9s out, though. No one had been dispatched in the past three weeks, ever since Kaname--
But there was a familiar rush of wind, going in the opposite direction of what it had been a moment ago.
Sergeant Sagara Sousuke broke out into a run and headed back to the base.
By the time he got there, half the base was awake and in a frenzy; alarms had started going off like crazy, signaling all sorts of crazy and impossible things. The other half of the base was confused and groggy, stirred from their short sleeps and wondering what was going on, and just what emergency they had to respond to.
When the ceiling hatch to the Arm-Slave hangar opened up, seemingly of its own free will, they merged on that location... and waited.
Sagara wasn't ready for battle; he wasn't armed. He, like so many of the other people disturbed by the sudden alarm call, stood in the hangar and watched... and waited.
The morning sunlight streamed into the hangar, temporarily blinding everyone- but Sousuke continued to look. He saw that same glimmer again, the tell-tale sign of an ECS cloaking system, and he knew.
There was a shimmer, and the pilot of the mysterious Arm-Slave dropped its ECS. One hand signal from Kalinin had a squadron of rifleman aiming at what everyone assumed was the cockpit, and when it opened, releasing steam from the internal hydraulics, they locked their hammers. One squeeze of the trigger would be all it took...
A tall, slender figure wearing a standard black M9 suit emerged from the cockpit, the pilot's face still covered by a helmet quite unlike anything Sousuke had ever seen before.
The pilot looked down at everyone --looking up, guns at the ready-- and shook its head. Two hands raised up, up... and touched the helmet, tugging it off the pilot's head.
Dark, shimmering hair toppled down, the very end of it tied with a scarlet bow.
Eyes widened, guns dropped, and people started to murmur.
"I've been gone so long, and this is the welcoming party I get?"
Sousuke could only stare.
'Kaname...?!'
