A bad start to an otherwise good day
Mar. 24th, 2003 02:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteEDIT(1:35p) Goddess around me, I'm not trying to be racist. When I originally wrote this, I was venting, but I wasn't hysterically mad or anything, just upset. I am NOT racist, a white supremacist, or a hater of any kind. What I've written is, if anything, an observation of many of the students at my school. It's not as if ALL of them follow some sort of trend or are automatically set into this stereotyped box of how to act and what to say. But the reasons why generalizations and judgements came around in the first place is because one person mimicked another, mimicked another... until people started acting in very predictable, if not stereotypical ways. Please keep that in mind as you read this. Thanks.
I don't know whether it's something I give off, the way I dress, or what. But people seem to love to pick on me. I feel like I'm in elementary school again. On my way to get my lunch (I left a few minutes early from Journalism, despite Diesel's "protests" -- we were watching a Hoffman/Redford movie about journalism and the exposure of the Watergate Papers) there were some black guys standing in the narrow "alley" between the dance room and the gym. I'm running to get to the cafeteria ASAP, and these guys just go "AAAH!" right in my face, scaring the living crap out of me. They were swinging their arms acting like they were about to slug me, but I ducked while I was running, and they just keep on laughing. I yell, "Jerks," and they go "Yo Mama!" as if that makes any sense. Some other guys near the health classroom do the same thing, violently swinging their arms, and when I scamper off, muttering "Assholes," they go and call me a rat. So I ask again, is it some vibe I give off? For once, I'm not being one-sided about this-- while THEY might have used different descriptors, everything happened as I said it did. I didn't provoke them, and in return, I got quite scared and unnerved-- not to mention insulted.
And it's not just the guys either, though they tend to be the more rowdy of the race. They're always loitering in the stairwells at my school, running, chasing each other around and calling one person or another "nigga." What is up with that?! It's an INSULT! Some African-Americans I know, for some reason, take some sort of pride in calling each other that, reserving it as some sort of title between them. And they get insulted when an Asian person calls a Caucasian person that. I just don't get it at all. The girls are pretty vicious too-- I remember one time when two of them came into the bathroom and started kicking all the doors open-- including the one of the stall I was on. I was so terrified and upset (and embarassed, of course!) that I said "Bitches." When I finally left, they stalked me down the hallway, threatening to kill me! So of course I wasn't looking forward to leaving class. Thankfully, I've never seen them again.
So maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut before I piss any OTHER people off, but tell me, why does this happen when none of it is provoked? Seriously, I think people just like frightening me. It's not like I'm a rat or a mouse like they say-- I'm certainly not some timid little garbage-eating mammal. Not by a longshot. But I don't have the courage that I wish I did. *sigh*
YAY, only two more classes to go! I slept for most of 1st period (as a result, my right arm is killing me, even now, hours later) and began to wonder about the STAR test schedule in a few weeks... and whether Ishibashi will do something stupid and force the seniors to come in for graduation rehearsal. If I graduate that is, but hey, I have to look on the bright side! The only thing holding me back now is that damned swim test... I'll ask Eva about in in 5th period. I read more of the CIGtWaW. Very informative, and just maybe after I get back from LA I'll make an active effort to find a coven here in SF. 2nd period Gilmore (she's still being nice to me, it's scary) decided to surprise us with a pop quiz... or maybe it was just a quiz we all forgot about. Teachers are evil when they have tests on a Monday morning. With no study time. There were 30 questions, and I didn't answer 10. *sigh* I missed 2 of the 5 "Techniques Advertisers Use," missed the "Technique and Proof" that showed what the advertiser used for a Downy Premium ad... and I missed about 4 or 5 ways that firms promote a product WITHOUT advertising (there are 12 total). GAH. But hopefully I still passed it... >_> And I'm eager to find out how Kripa, Slava's and my group did on the project, because maybe that will boost my grade some.
3rd period I spent trying to understand feasible regions and constraints-- finding all my papers yesterday while sorting through my room (officially a COMPLETE mess now, no one but me is allowed entrance unless you plan on helping me clean...) didn't help. I barely figured out the point of maximum profit, so I was zonked out for most of the period while Mrs. K was working on another assignment. If I have the drive, I can catch up... even though not turning in the portfolio will injure me, so I should get on that tomorrow. Choir practices officially start up again tomorrow, now that auditions are over (thank god I'm a senior, auditions are terrifying). Whee, constant singing. I just don't want to stand near Brenda (the girl I thought was Crystal... just goes to show how well I know my classmates).
EDIT (1:37p) 5th period went pretty well-- Thompson is still weird as usual, and I'm not exactly looking foreward to memorizing an entire sonnet from Shakespeare. Shakespeare's cool and all, but I'm not the hugest fan of him-- if I have to read Romeo and Juliet or Macbeth, so be it, but my thesis paper won't be on the guy. The world has enough people criticizing or praising him. That one "paragraph" paper on the use of irony for a particular character from Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales -- the one I ended up writing a near-essay for -- got an A, so I'm happy. We still haven't turned in the questions for the two sonnets we read "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love" and "The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd," even though, out of sheer boredom (or maybe paranoia over getting a bad grade in such a damned easy class) I sat here in 6th period one day and TYPED the damn thing up. Plus there's the Sonnet 18 and 130 (and we just got new questions in the twice-the-size-of-a-phone-book green Lit book) questions that I'd forgotten about... but luckily finished before class was over... ^^; We had to write modern sonnets to either convince someone to come with you (a'la the Shepherd) or to tell someone off (a'la the Nymph). I'd totally spaced about it and threw something together Nymph-style in a matter of minutes; Thompson actually DID collect those, and she said it was really good-- thought it was Eva's at first (I guess Eva didn't turn one in; she was the one that said it was mine) and was grinning hugely. I told her immediately that I didn't want her to read it; I was major embarassed. Weird thing was, people that normally don't like me wanted it read. >_> Maybe they're just looking for a chance to humiliate me. Who knows? Maybe some of them actually think I have talent? That'd be nice, to be recognized by my own PEERS for once, instead of just adults.
I was berating my lack of poetry/sonnet-writing skills while Thompson waxed eloquent about what I'd turned in (now that I think about it, I think I forgot to title the piece. I just said "Modern Sonnet" at the top of the paper), and Eva turns around and suggests that we write a play for Sung to perform. I'm boggled by this-- I suck at writing plays, and I've tried writing script-format fanfiction before-- it just doesn't work. It doesn't FLOW as well as prose, as I've noticed. I accidentally bought a screenwriter's handbook once, and I was bored to tears. But the endless supply of how-to or help manuals for prose, on the other hand, are always enjoyable. Speaking of which, there are a few I should add to my wish list. In any case, Eva says SHE'LL write the play, and I should write the songs! (She heard me say that I can only write songs, that since I haven't written poetry since 5th grade, but I've written songs, I must be good! That and I'm in choir... >_>) But I can't write sheet music to save my life... maybe on a computer, if I could figure out how to hook my keyboard up to it... and even then, I have to learn to play a piano. *shakes head* I think Sung can perform excellent stuff on his own, not to mention he'd want to know if someone spent a lot of time and effort writing a play for him.
Speaking of my songs and such, I'm almost done working on Every Heart, the truly personal section of my site. Hopefully, when I get it up, it'll have most, if not all, of the songs I've written and have hard copies of, not to mention artwork, articles, essays, and other non-fandom works of mine. Resume, maybe? Har Har. >) I tried the singular About page once, and that was a hugely cluttered flop. I need to get Surveyholics up too. And work on PSV... and get a title for a Full Moon site. And try out for that radio play. And get working on so many fanfics... not to mention a new layout for the SMRFF before WAFF vs. TAFF day, if not the road trip. I finally got the WAFF/TAFF page up over on SMRFF, and there's TONS of banners. It's such a simple layout, and cute, so I'm proud... but the excess of links is a problem. We definitely need better organization between the main site and the archive.
The Amazoness Quartet closed earlier this year, which makes me sad. I hadn't been there in a while, and even the Help Desk seem a little dead. It was quite easily one of my favoroite sites when I was starting out on the 'Net, and I stopped going there once I got into other fandoms. I wonder if there will be any other WPRs worth going to nowadays... or maybe everyone has just gotten out of Sailormoon? Gawd, I hope that changes... I can't wait till Stars comes out. ADV Films is releasing the subtitled, uncut (and the episodes that were completely cut from American TV! WAHOO!) episodes of Sailor Moon Seasons 1 and 2, which I *really* want to get my hands on, given that all I've seen of those (aside from the raw tape of Season 2, Part 1, Video 1 that I got from Yoko-san about 5 Christmases ago) is the dub. =D So there's another thing to add to my anime wish-list. I just hope I have a crapload of cash for Fanime, because I will dedicate a good five hours JUST to the dealer's room.
Oh, and listening to Tatu's "All the things she said" repeatedly in so many different mixes, and in both English and Russian, has inspired me for yet another AMV idea. But I need to get my hands on Sailor Moon Stars! I have some subtitled episodes of Super, and the raw VHS (but no VGA converter, so that idea's out) but that's about it. I want to get the subtitled version still being put out by VKLL and other subtitlers, as it will take forever for ADV to do it, with everything else on their shoulders. Plus there's still a lot of controversy about Stars, despite it, like the other seasons, being released direct to video and DVD. They *were* on Cartoon Network, but once SuperS ended, they added different animes. Who's to say that people would really care if they released Stars just on VHS and DVD, and never aired it on Cartoon Network? I'd personally like it better so there wasn't a) as much of a hype or b) as much of a wait. They always have to do editing and stuff for TV, and what with Stars' "controversial content" of guys changing into girls (it was a completely Toei idea, too, they didn't change genders in the manga!).
Finally, I convinced Koski to give me the CDs for Office Professional 2000! Wahoo, now I'll have all these kick-ass expensive programs on my compie at home! =D Including Publisher, so maybe I'll be able to work on the damn paper at home! YATTA YATTA!
I think I'll ditch on the optional Media Academy meeting today. I want to just go home, clean up some, get my laundry done (SHOCK!), take a shower, and have fun (sounds so naughty! bad mer! =D). Besides, it'd be nice to see what Benish and Jasmin can do without me to turn over or hawk over their shoulders. *yawn* I'm outtie.
I don't know whether it's something I give off, the way I dress, or what. But people seem to love to pick on me. I feel like I'm in elementary school again. On my way to get my lunch (I left a few minutes early from Journalism, despite Diesel's "protests" -- we were watching a Hoffman/Redford movie about journalism and the exposure of the Watergate Papers) there were some black guys standing in the narrow "alley" between the dance room and the gym. I'm running to get to the cafeteria ASAP, and these guys just go "AAAH!" right in my face, scaring the living crap out of me. They were swinging their arms acting like they were about to slug me, but I ducked while I was running, and they just keep on laughing. I yell, "Jerks," and they go "Yo Mama!" as if that makes any sense. Some other guys near the health classroom do the same thing, violently swinging their arms, and when I scamper off, muttering "Assholes," they go and call me a rat. So I ask again, is it some vibe I give off? For once, I'm not being one-sided about this-- while THEY might have used different descriptors, everything happened as I said it did. I didn't provoke them, and in return, I got quite scared and unnerved-- not to mention insulted.
And it's not just the guys either, though they tend to be the more rowdy of the race. They're always loitering in the stairwells at my school, running, chasing each other around and calling one person or another "nigga." What is up with that?! It's an INSULT! Some African-Americans I know, for some reason, take some sort of pride in calling each other that, reserving it as some sort of title between them. And they get insulted when an Asian person calls a Caucasian person that. I just don't get it at all. The girls are pretty vicious too-- I remember one time when two of them came into the bathroom and started kicking all the doors open-- including the one of the stall I was on. I was so terrified and upset (and embarassed, of course!) that I said "Bitches." When I finally left, they stalked me down the hallway, threatening to kill me! So of course I wasn't looking forward to leaving class. Thankfully, I've never seen them again.
So maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut before I piss any OTHER people off, but tell me, why does this happen when none of it is provoked? Seriously, I think people just like frightening me. It's not like I'm a rat or a mouse like they say-- I'm certainly not some timid little garbage-eating mammal. Not by a longshot. But I don't have the courage that I wish I did. *sigh*
YAY, only two more classes to go! I slept for most of 1st period (as a result, my right arm is killing me, even now, hours later) and began to wonder about the STAR test schedule in a few weeks... and whether Ishibashi will do something stupid and force the seniors to come in for graduation rehearsal. If I graduate that is, but hey, I have to look on the bright side! The only thing holding me back now is that damned swim test... I'll ask Eva about in in 5th period. I read more of the CIGtWaW. Very informative, and just maybe after I get back from LA I'll make an active effort to find a coven here in SF. 2nd period Gilmore (she's still being nice to me, it's scary) decided to surprise us with a pop quiz... or maybe it was just a quiz we all forgot about. Teachers are evil when they have tests on a Monday morning. With no study time. There were 30 questions, and I didn't answer 10. *sigh* I missed 2 of the 5 "Techniques Advertisers Use," missed the "Technique and Proof" that showed what the advertiser used for a Downy Premium ad... and I missed about 4 or 5 ways that firms promote a product WITHOUT advertising (there are 12 total). GAH. But hopefully I still passed it... >_> And I'm eager to find out how Kripa, Slava's and my group did on the project, because maybe that will boost my grade some.
3rd period I spent trying to understand feasible regions and constraints-- finding all my papers yesterday while sorting through my room (officially a COMPLETE mess now, no one but me is allowed entrance unless you plan on helping me clean...) didn't help. I barely figured out the point of maximum profit, so I was zonked out for most of the period while Mrs. K was working on another assignment. If I have the drive, I can catch up... even though not turning in the portfolio will injure me, so I should get on that tomorrow. Choir practices officially start up again tomorrow, now that auditions are over (thank god I'm a senior, auditions are terrifying). Whee, constant singing. I just don't want to stand near Brenda (the girl I thought was Crystal... just goes to show how well I know my classmates).
EDIT (1:37p) 5th period went pretty well-- Thompson is still weird as usual, and I'm not exactly looking foreward to memorizing an entire sonnet from Shakespeare. Shakespeare's cool and all, but I'm not the hugest fan of him-- if I have to read Romeo and Juliet or Macbeth, so be it, but my thesis paper won't be on the guy. The world has enough people criticizing or praising him. That one "paragraph" paper on the use of irony for a particular character from Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales -- the one I ended up writing a near-essay for -- got an A, so I'm happy. We still haven't turned in the questions for the two sonnets we read "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love" and "The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd," even though, out of sheer boredom (or maybe paranoia over getting a bad grade in such a damned easy class) I sat here in 6th period one day and TYPED the damn thing up. Plus there's the Sonnet 18 and 130 (and we just got new questions in the twice-the-size-of-a-phone-book green Lit book) questions that I'd forgotten about... but luckily finished before class was over... ^^; We had to write modern sonnets to either convince someone to come with you (a'la the Shepherd) or to tell someone off (a'la the Nymph). I'd totally spaced about it and threw something together Nymph-style in a matter of minutes; Thompson actually DID collect those, and she said it was really good-- thought it was Eva's at first (I guess Eva didn't turn one in; she was the one that said it was mine) and was grinning hugely. I told her immediately that I didn't want her to read it; I was major embarassed. Weird thing was, people that normally don't like me wanted it read. >_> Maybe they're just looking for a chance to humiliate me. Who knows? Maybe some of them actually think I have talent? That'd be nice, to be recognized by my own PEERS for once, instead of just adults.
I was berating my lack of poetry/sonnet-writing skills while Thompson waxed eloquent about what I'd turned in (now that I think about it, I think I forgot to title the piece. I just said "Modern Sonnet" at the top of the paper), and Eva turns around and suggests that we write a play for Sung to perform. I'm boggled by this-- I suck at writing plays, and I've tried writing script-format fanfiction before-- it just doesn't work. It doesn't FLOW as well as prose, as I've noticed. I accidentally bought a screenwriter's handbook once, and I was bored to tears. But the endless supply of how-to or help manuals for prose, on the other hand, are always enjoyable. Speaking of which, there are a few I should add to my wish list. In any case, Eva says SHE'LL write the play, and I should write the songs! (She heard me say that I can only write songs, that since I haven't written poetry since 5th grade, but I've written songs, I must be good! That and I'm in choir... >_>) But I can't write sheet music to save my life... maybe on a computer, if I could figure out how to hook my keyboard up to it... and even then, I have to learn to play a piano. *shakes head* I think Sung can perform excellent stuff on his own, not to mention he'd want to know if someone spent a lot of time and effort writing a play for him.
Speaking of my songs and such, I'm almost done working on Every Heart, the truly personal section of my site. Hopefully, when I get it up, it'll have most, if not all, of the songs I've written and have hard copies of, not to mention artwork, articles, essays, and other non-fandom works of mine. Resume, maybe? Har Har. >) I tried the singular About page once, and that was a hugely cluttered flop. I need to get Surveyholics up too. And work on PSV... and get a title for a Full Moon site. And try out for that radio play. And get working on so many fanfics... not to mention a new layout for the SMRFF before WAFF vs. TAFF day, if not the road trip. I finally got the WAFF/TAFF page up over on SMRFF, and there's TONS of banners. It's such a simple layout, and cute, so I'm proud... but the excess of links is a problem. We definitely need better organization between the main site and the archive.
The Amazoness Quartet closed earlier this year, which makes me sad. I hadn't been there in a while, and even the Help Desk seem a little dead. It was quite easily one of my favoroite sites when I was starting out on the 'Net, and I stopped going there once I got into other fandoms. I wonder if there will be any other WPRs worth going to nowadays... or maybe everyone has just gotten out of Sailormoon? Gawd, I hope that changes... I can't wait till Stars comes out. ADV Films is releasing the subtitled, uncut (and the episodes that were completely cut from American TV! WAHOO!) episodes of Sailor Moon Seasons 1 and 2, which I *really* want to get my hands on, given that all I've seen of those (aside from the raw tape of Season 2, Part 1, Video 1 that I got from Yoko-san about 5 Christmases ago) is the dub. =D So there's another thing to add to my anime wish-list. I just hope I have a crapload of cash for Fanime, because I will dedicate a good five hours JUST to the dealer's room.
Oh, and listening to Tatu's "All the things she said" repeatedly in so many different mixes, and in both English and Russian, has inspired me for yet another AMV idea. But I need to get my hands on Sailor Moon Stars! I have some subtitled episodes of Super, and the raw VHS (but no VGA converter, so that idea's out) but that's about it. I want to get the subtitled version still being put out by VKLL and other subtitlers, as it will take forever for ADV to do it, with everything else on their shoulders. Plus there's still a lot of controversy about Stars, despite it, like the other seasons, being released direct to video and DVD. They *were* on Cartoon Network, but once SuperS ended, they added different animes. Who's to say that people would really care if they released Stars just on VHS and DVD, and never aired it on Cartoon Network? I'd personally like it better so there wasn't a) as much of a hype or b) as much of a wait. They always have to do editing and stuff for TV, and what with Stars' "controversial content" of guys changing into girls (it was a completely Toei idea, too, they didn't change genders in the manga!).
Finally, I convinced Koski to give me the CDs for Office Professional 2000! Wahoo, now I'll have all these kick-ass expensive programs on my compie at home! =D Including Publisher, so maybe I'll be able to work on the damn paper at home! YATTA YATTA!
I think I'll ditch on the optional Media Academy meeting today. I want to just go home, clean up some, get my laundry done (SHOCK!), take a shower, and have fun (sounds so naughty! bad mer! =D). Besides, it'd be nice to see what Benish and Jasmin can do without me to turn over or hawk over their shoulders. *yawn* I'm outtie.
