azurite: (darkchan - what yu-gi-oh teaches)
[personal profile] azurite
Raise your hand if you ever heard that Britney Spears' song "I Can't Get No Satisfaction." The song before it on the CD (I believe it was the one of Britney imitating Madonna on the cover: "Oops, I Did It Again," I think) had her having a phone conversation remarking how Brit's boyfriend at the time said she was never satisfied...

And you know something's wrong when THAT song and conversation pops into your head after your boyfriend tells you something.

So Scott says he's just not feeling satisfied anymore. Not with one thing or another in particular, more like himself. As a result, his work is suffering, he's apparently not sleeping as well (considering I've spent the last several nights in his bed, I wonder about this. He always seems to sleep just fine, and sleeps in a heck of a lot later than *I* do!). He says he needs to get into a routine and get things done, to feel like he's accomplishing things.

This reminds me of when I had "junioritis" in high school, and I pretty much dropped everything and everyone for the sake of slacking. Me, the supposed nerd, girl genius, whatever. I had a reputation and I blew it out of the water. I got Fs, I got Ds, I had to take remedial courses. I hate looking back on that period of time, because I was so unmotivated. People didn't know how to pull me out of that rut because they didn't know what it was like, even though I desperately wanted a good solid kick in the ass to get me moving again.

I wonder if that's what's happening with Scott-- a case of college senioritis. He's already told me before that he's feeling burnt out, but at the same time, he wants nothing more to get out of CSUN, be done with university, and so on. He wants to leave the U.S., pursue his career-- but what does that mean? It's a lot easier said than done, just packing up and leaving.

Scott says he wants to get into a routine, and start meditating more, doing more for himself, but at the same time being "there for me" and everything. And it's sweet and I appreciate it, but I'm concerned because I feel like I know what he's going through and yet... I don't. So I don't know how to react or what to do. I feel a bit insulted that he's not getting satisfaction from even me anymore-- true, I'm not here as his plaything, but most of the time, I'd like to think when he initiates something, he's doing it to get satisfaction out of it.

(Notice, by the way, that while I'm pretty open and willing to disclose just about anything on this journal, I don't give you graphic lemons or hentai depictions of my sex life. Maybe I can't, or maybe I just won't. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other what you think of what I do after I log off and head upstairs. Commentary and advice is always welcomed, but other than stating the simple facts, I tend to spare you from the sweat and stuff.)

I suppose you could call it a predisposition, where the way I've been raised directly affects the way that I think. I wasn't raised by a doting, lady-like, prim-and-proper mother. Mom was, is, and always will be in my mind, a no-holds-barred kind of lady, and I suppose that's the one thing I can respect about her.

But she always drilled me on organization and cleanliness, even if I don't listen to her for the bulk of it. I find a sense of order amid my chaos (read: my room), and I think that putting off the dishes to spend 40 minutes doing them while listening to some good tunes makes perfect sense. But there's simple rules that I never bend or break.

I always wash my hands when I'm done with the bathroom. I don't always use steaming hot water or lather up my hands for 20+ seconds, until I can blow bubbles onto the mirror.

I thought most women followed this rule, one way or another. Antibacterial water-free liquid, wet-naps, foaming soap, WHATEVER. And yet I've seen a striking number of women walk out of a bathroom stall (after obviously having used the facilities) and rinse their hands under cold water for 5 seconds and then LEAVE.

EEW! What the hell!?

I can understand if you're in a rush, but at least make the effort to use SOME SOAP! It's so revolting! And people wonder why disease is so prevalent and why it takes people so long to get over colds. Do you think it helps when you don't wash your hands when you're sick, on your period, or working in a sterile environment, or with potentially "fragile" people, animals, or things?

Whenever you touch ANYTHING remotely dirty, oily, etc. wash/disinfect your hands ASAP! I have a tendency to brush my hair against my face, scratch my brow, or rub my ear. It seems perfectly normal, but then I go and type on this keyboard, and who knows what germs I'm transferring back to my hands to go onto my face? So I wash my hands the first chance I get. The last thing I need is to worry about getting the flu after I've already an an eye infection, my period, and a cold.

I'm sorry if I'm stereotyped into thinking women are the "fairer" sex and by nature are more prone to being clean and organized, and if that extends into washing hands frequently, so be it. It disgusts me to see women who take such things so lightly, and while I wish I could watch with giddy delight as their bodies rot, decay, or weakly accept whatever germs, bacteria, and viruses come their way. I wish I could do what I did at Red Robin when I was a kid, and pretend to be a PA voice saying "Please remember to wash your hands before you go." You know it's against the law to work at a supermarket, restaurant, or anywhere else in the food service industry and NOT wash your hands thoroughly every time you use the bathroom? Hell, if you mop, sneeze, cough, run your hands through your hair, take out the garbage, or touch your face, you should!

Wash your hands, dammit. It's sick not to. And no, not "sick" in the good way.

Finally, I went to the Majors Fair today for a short while, and I got some info on the Japanese minor program and the Creative Writing program. I emailed both the Japanese professor and told him about my experience, and the Journalism someone-or-other, and hopefully they'll both get back to me about compatible majors, classes I can take, and whether I'm allowed to double minor. I might be here for a while... but who cares?! I want to be an International Journalist, a story writer, a take-no-prisoners, kick-ass, world-renowned kind of girl-- excuse me, WOMAN! Go me!

Not even Scott can kill my good mood. I won't let him, dammit!

Date: 2005-02-23 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shockman.livejournal.com
o.0 "... last few nights in his bed?" ..... I'm not gonna bother asking.... -shockman

Re: *snicker*

Date: 2005-02-23 11:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shockman.livejournal.com
Why would I wanna de-freind you? Just because of that? Hey... I may be dumb and stuff but I'm not a jerk. If I did de-freind you, I'd basically be saying that I was better than you, and since I can't say that I am, I'm not gonna. I don't see a big deal due to differences in opinions... -shockman

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