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azurite*sigh* I feel weird. Scott's finally here-- you'd think I'd be bouncing off the wall with happiness, since it's been over a month since I've seen him last. And I am happy, but I'm also a bit bummed too, and I really don't know why. It might be tied to my mom, of course-- she was very upset early this morning when I got up to go to the bathroom-- she was basically running around the kitchen on Hyper Mode, and when I finally got her to slow down, she burst into tears.
I've got this mental impression of my mom as a take-on-the-world, no-prisoners, no-holds-barred kind of woman-- single mother, survived more shit than a toilet, you know the story. But she has been disliking her job for a long time now-- and to make matters worse, people both of us thought were FRIENDS (I mean, Mom goes out of her way to introduce me to them when I visit her at work) are making fun of my mom: she's the one who's twice their age, but she has no degree, and supposedly she's "disorganized" (which is a load of bull, btw: she's plenty more organized than them) and instead of wanting to discuss methods of operation and production, they just get all bossy. I really wish I could help her out somehow, but...
I left San Francisco in part because I wanted to get AWAY from her. I thought I'd be doing her a favor, too-- after all, it'd mean less she'd have to pay for and worry about. But she's all alone in this big house, working at a job she doesn't like and doesn't help her much with bills... I feel like I should be contributing, and seriously getting a job between school and everything, but... I'm just making excuses, huh?
Is it selfish of me to want to spend the $2000 leftover financial aid on Japan, instead of sending it to her? I really want to go, more than anything-- even if I don't go on/near my birthday.
I also want to actually mature in the way Scott and my Mom both have, so I don't have to go crying/whining/bitching to them about anything-- I want to be independent, and able to handle myself on my own. But just as it's scary for my mom to deal with the prospect of getting a new job after 16 years of "stability" at the job she's had, it's scary for me to consider myself abruptly on my own, without a safety net or any support of any kind.
Still, I hate seeing anyone cry.
...Well, for every cloud there's a silver lining, right? I've gotten inspired for some angst to balance out the spa-worthy steam coming up in WDKY16 (don'tcha all just LOVE me?), plus I'm really truly almost done with 15's revisions and additions. I'll send it to Kysra and Mamono... but I haven't heard from Atlantis in ages, so... unless she wants me to keep pestering her (that is, she sends me an email saying so) then I'll stick to the frequently-addled-by-Me club.
Plus there's juicy-ness for CO7, inspired by my delish purchase (and lucky, too!) of Sarah Brightman's NON-LIVE Harem CD! *giggles madly* Kysra, thank you bazillions of times over for introducing me to her (again)! ^_^
OMG! Blue Eyes and Apricots officially has 200+ members!! It's time for a new layout, new features, and tons more work for Az! But I'm hyped and excited and YAAAAAAAAY! Thank you, everyone!
Some minor stuff:
Didja check out my Pics gallery? It's replacing Snapshot, soon enough. More pictures soon.
I'm a Deviant!
...Hmmm, yep. I wonder if during the course of this adventure, I'll have to explain to Scott why/where my journal is online. He didn't quite get that it even COULD be until recently-- it was kind of cute.
I've got this mental impression of my mom as a take-on-the-world, no-prisoners, no-holds-barred kind of woman-- single mother, survived more shit than a toilet, you know the story. But she has been disliking her job for a long time now-- and to make matters worse, people both of us thought were FRIENDS (I mean, Mom goes out of her way to introduce me to them when I visit her at work) are making fun of my mom: she's the one who's twice their age, but she has no degree, and supposedly she's "disorganized" (which is a load of bull, btw: she's plenty more organized than them) and instead of wanting to discuss methods of operation and production, they just get all bossy. I really wish I could help her out somehow, but...
I left San Francisco in part because I wanted to get AWAY from her. I thought I'd be doing her a favor, too-- after all, it'd mean less she'd have to pay for and worry about. But she's all alone in this big house, working at a job she doesn't like and doesn't help her much with bills... I feel like I should be contributing, and seriously getting a job between school and everything, but... I'm just making excuses, huh?
Is it selfish of me to want to spend the $2000 leftover financial aid on Japan, instead of sending it to her? I really want to go, more than anything-- even if I don't go on/near my birthday.
I also want to actually mature in the way Scott and my Mom both have, so I don't have to go crying/whining/bitching to them about anything-- I want to be independent, and able to handle myself on my own. But just as it's scary for my mom to deal with the prospect of getting a new job after 16 years of "stability" at the job she's had, it's scary for me to consider myself abruptly on my own, without a safety net or any support of any kind.
Still, I hate seeing anyone cry.
...Well, for every cloud there's a silver lining, right? I've gotten inspired for some angst to balance out the spa-worthy steam coming up in WDKY16 (don'tcha all just LOVE me?), plus I'm really truly almost done with 15's revisions and additions. I'll send it to Kysra and Mamono... but I haven't heard from Atlantis in ages, so... unless she wants me to keep pestering her (that is, she sends me an email saying so) then I'll stick to the frequently-addled-by-Me club.
Plus there's juicy-ness for CO7, inspired by my delish purchase (and lucky, too!) of Sarah Brightman's NON-LIVE Harem CD! *giggles madly* Kysra, thank you bazillions of times over for introducing me to her (again)! ^_^
OMG! Blue Eyes and Apricots officially has 200+ members!! It's time for a new layout, new features, and tons more work for Az! But I'm hyped and excited and YAAAAAAAAY! Thank you, everyone!
Some minor stuff:
Didja check out my Pics gallery? It's replacing Snapshot, soon enough. More pictures soon.
I'm a Deviant!
...Hmmm, yep. I wonder if during the course of this adventure, I'll have to explain to Scott why/where my journal is online. He didn't quite get that it even COULD be until recently-- it was kind of cute.
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wow...many similarities
Date: 2005-01-13 10:33 pm (UTC)im really sorry to hear about your mom and her whole job situation. when she leaves, thats when they're going to be wishing she was still there. thats how it always is. i want my mom to leave her job...she does the work of about 4 people, even with two co-workers that are incompetent and irresponsible. its really sad that they all bust their butts for nothing sometimes.
as for the japan thing, i dont think its selfish at all that you want to spend some of the money on the trip. I know its something you've been looking forward to doing for a long time so why not? Maybe you can get a good deal on the trip and save some money for a mini vacay with you and your mom? I'm sure she'd like that =)
i wanna see you before you leave! You've been out for soo long and ive only seen you twice or so! catch up with me!!
Re: wow...many similarities
Date: 2005-01-14 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-13 10:42 pm (UTC)Want to hang out this weekend?
Oooo... pics
Date: 2005-01-14 12:50 am (UTC)Re: Oooo... pics
Date: 2005-01-14 08:27 pm (UTC)You have DSL at school, right? So you should be able to upload and organize rather quickly. If you need any more help, you know who to asK! ^_^
Re: Oooo... pics
Date: 2005-01-16 03:26 am (UTC)Re: Oooo... pics
Date: 2005-01-16 07:29 pm (UTC)I thought you had Photoshop! o_O
no subject
Date: 2005-01-17 09:07 am (UTC)