Nemui da yo...
Nov. 19th, 2004 02:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteI am SO exhausted. (It's all Scott's fault. No, I'm kidding.) I just didn't get much sleep last night-- maybe because Scott had me taking pictures for one of his assignments (I told him he didn't have to stay over, but on the flip side, I'm glad he did) until midnight. I hope they come out okay...
I can think of another reason, though-- tomorrow's It. The Day. The countdown will begin tonight, or tomorrow morning, whatever. I'll try and pass it off as another day or somesuch, but there's that hidden amount of dread niggling behind my eyeballs... what if I don't make it? Am I destined to always be in my sister's shadow? Will I outlive her, and if I do, will I keep my promise to make something of myself, of my life, of the blessings I've been given? Damn, I sure hope so.
Not to sound pessimistic, but life's unpredictable. Michelle didn't know she'd die when she was 19, and likely she had some big plans for herself and her future. I do too, to an extent-- things I'd like to go, places I want to see... but who knows? No one, really. So, as a prerequisite or something, I'm just going to say the following in a nutshell:
Should something happen to me tomorrow, I want all of my friends --from mailing lists, fanfiction, real life, wherever, whoever, whenever-- to know that I cherish EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM and if my memory didn't suck, I'd name everyone personally. Yes, that's a sad excuse, but know that I never forget the feelings I get from my experiences, even if I do forget exact names. I remember meeting all my "onee-chans" at ASMR, and joining up with the SMRFF, I remember all my wild years in middle and high school, and the friends that have come and gone. I remember the fights with my mom and dad, and I remember lonesome trips to the beach or Land's End, wishing I was with my sister.
And even if I disagree with a lot of people and the way things are run in this world, I do like it a lot. I don't plan on committing suicide, if that's what you're all thinking at this point-- I'd like to think I'm a bit better, a bit more confident and assured and happy than that. I'm not dying of some terminal disease, nor am I pressured from every angle. If I die tomorrow, it'll be because it was meant to happen, because there was an "accident" (there's no such thing), and that's it-- because my time here is complete. And if not? Well, that means there's still more work to be done, and I'll be seeing you Sunday! ^_^
It's hardly official if it's on LJ, but if something happens-- the only thing I ask is that someone at least make the attempt to finish my fics. I'm pretty religious about planner files; they're all on my comp, easily accessible, and so on. I already have endings written for my favorite, "baby" stories-- WDKY, especially. And by someone, of course I'd want it to be the people who have supported me through so much. You all know who you are! ^_^ Everything else? Well, my clothes can go to some needy petite girl, my manga can go up for grabs on Amazon, and everything else goes to Mom or Baba, because they're both . =P
But, I'm not going to close this entry with a sort of sad feel to it. Nope, I actually do plan on living out tomorrow, and plenty of days after that! I actually JUST finished registering for my Spring 2005 classes (hallelujah! It took forever just to access the system, and then my login timed out!)
My Schedule:
Mondays/Wednesdays: Get to campus by 10:50am - Journalism 110 (Writing, Reporting, Ethics) - 11:00am-1:50pm - Henrietta Charles - Manzanita 360 (first and only class of the day, so I get to leave at 2:00pm)
Tuesdays/Thursdays:Get to campus by 7:50am -
Astronomy 152 (Elementary Astronomy) - 8:00am-9:15am - Ronald Wallingford - Room TBA
Sociology 150 (Introduction to Sociology) - 9:30am-10:45am - Tracie Gardner - Sierra Hall 310
Philosophy 200 (Critical Reasoning) - 11:00am-12:15pm - Staff TBA - Room TBA
Fridays: Get to campus by 10:50am - Kiniseology 139A (Ballet I) - 11:00am-12:40pm - Staff TBA - Room TBA
So far, a pretty sweet deal, though I think my textbooks might be pretty pricey. Let's just hope I actually get my financial aid check on time, so I don't have to angst about any of that. I really should get the address for my scholarship though, right?
And last but not least, I'm going to make a run for it and try to get Soul Half (or some other inspiring original novel) done by the end of the month, so I can get one of those nifty banners! ^_^ Boo yah!
Hugs and Kisses ALWAYS!
~Mer aka the_sweet aka Azurite aka Andromida aka Andi!
I can think of another reason, though-- tomorrow's It. The Day. The countdown will begin tonight, or tomorrow morning, whatever. I'll try and pass it off as another day or somesuch, but there's that hidden amount of dread niggling behind my eyeballs... what if I don't make it? Am I destined to always be in my sister's shadow? Will I outlive her, and if I do, will I keep my promise to make something of myself, of my life, of the blessings I've been given? Damn, I sure hope so.
Not to sound pessimistic, but life's unpredictable. Michelle didn't know she'd die when she was 19, and likely she had some big plans for herself and her future. I do too, to an extent-- things I'd like to go, places I want to see... but who knows? No one, really. So, as a prerequisite or something, I'm just going to say the following in a nutshell:
Should something happen to me tomorrow, I want all of my friends --from mailing lists, fanfiction, real life, wherever, whoever, whenever-- to know that I cherish EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM and if my memory didn't suck, I'd name everyone personally. Yes, that's a sad excuse, but know that I never forget the feelings I get from my experiences, even if I do forget exact names. I remember meeting all my "onee-chans" at ASMR, and joining up with the SMRFF, I remember all my wild years in middle and high school, and the friends that have come and gone. I remember the fights with my mom and dad, and I remember lonesome trips to the beach or Land's End, wishing I was with my sister.
And even if I disagree with a lot of people and the way things are run in this world, I do like it a lot. I don't plan on committing suicide, if that's what you're all thinking at this point-- I'd like to think I'm a bit better, a bit more confident and assured and happy than that. I'm not dying of some terminal disease, nor am I pressured from every angle. If I die tomorrow, it'll be because it was meant to happen, because there was an "accident" (there's no such thing), and that's it-- because my time here is complete. And if not? Well, that means there's still more work to be done, and I'll be seeing you Sunday! ^_^
It's hardly official if it's on LJ, but if something happens-- the only thing I ask is that someone at least make the attempt to finish my fics. I'm pretty religious about planner files; they're all on my comp, easily accessible, and so on. I already have endings written for my favorite, "baby" stories-- WDKY, especially. And by someone, of course I'd want it to be the people who have supported me through so much. You all know who you are! ^_^ Everything else? Well, my clothes can go to some needy petite girl, my manga can go up for grabs on Amazon, and everything else goes to Mom or Baba, because they're both . =P
But, I'm not going to close this entry with a sort of sad feel to it. Nope, I actually do plan on living out tomorrow, and plenty of days after that! I actually JUST finished registering for my Spring 2005 classes (hallelujah! It took forever just to access the system, and then my login timed out!)
My Schedule:
Mondays/Wednesdays: Get to campus by 10:50am - Journalism 110 (Writing, Reporting, Ethics) - 11:00am-1:50pm - Henrietta Charles - Manzanita 360 (first and only class of the day, so I get to leave at 2:00pm)
Tuesdays/Thursdays:Get to campus by 7:50am -
Astronomy 152 (Elementary Astronomy) - 8:00am-9:15am - Ronald Wallingford - Room TBA
Sociology 150 (Introduction to Sociology) - 9:30am-10:45am - Tracie Gardner - Sierra Hall 310
Philosophy 200 (Critical Reasoning) - 11:00am-12:15pm - Staff TBA - Room TBA
Fridays: Get to campus by 10:50am - Kiniseology 139A (Ballet I) - 11:00am-12:40pm - Staff TBA - Room TBA
So far, a pretty sweet deal, though I think my textbooks might be pretty pricey. Let's just hope I actually get my financial aid check on time, so I don't have to angst about any of that. I really should get the address for my scholarship though, right?
And last but not least, I'm going to make a run for it and try to get Soul Half (or some other inspiring original novel) done by the end of the month, so I can get one of those nifty banners! ^_^ Boo yah!
Hugs and Kisses ALWAYS!
~Mer aka the_sweet aka Azurite aka Andromida aka Andi!
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-19 11:45 pm (UTC)Also... ^^ A gift for you:
^^; It's not great, but I tried my best on this one... kinda fiery, like you, y'know? ;)
^_^
Date: 2004-11-20 06:50 pm (UTC)Re: ^_^
Date: 2004-11-21 01:26 am (UTC)^^ You're welcome, glad you like. ^^ And thanks... XD; I couldn't resist on that ISE one... And it reminds me to get my butt into gear...
:D Ohh! A fic!icon gallery! Sounds awesome to me..!
no subject
Date: 2004-11-20 01:47 am (UTC)how was alexander? best be posting about how it was! oh and thats a pretty sweet schedule for next semester!
The legs are the redeeming factor
Date: 2004-11-20 06:52 pm (UTC)But yeah, I can only hope if I survive till next semester, I can handle all those complicated classes (Sociology, Philosophy, and Astronomy) in one day!
no subject
Date: 2004-11-20 04:34 am (UTC)Yes Ma'am, right away Ma'am
Date: 2004-11-20 10:12 pm (UTC)