The Curse

[azurite]

Just came back from Anime Club. T'wasn't a bad night-- had some good laughs watching HiMe and Moon Phase, but Ju-on: The Curse (aka the original movie that inspired The Grudge, part of a 4-part series) freaked me out, and now I'm not sure I can sleep... let alone that I want to.

On top of that, tonight I'm just feeling depressed. Why? Because even with the nicest guys, it just seems like I can't avoid getting my feelings hurt. I really do take things too personally, but imagine someone telling you pretty much flat out (without any tact whatsoever) that you're too loud or brash, and that's why others react strongly to your opinions. It was about ME keeping my feelings and thoughts inside, because other people were making ME uncomfortable, so *I* have to change to adapt *THEM*?! WTF!?

Worse, he just... I don't know, he's always busy. Not always, but it seems like so much. Not that I want him to spend every waking moment with me, but this past week, he'd TM me 1x or 2x a day, tops. Today? Just once. He did show up to anime club meeting at 7pm as he said, but... well, in a nutshell, he wasn't very good company. He seemed to think it was funny that I was so scared of the movie, but instead of leaving, I wanted to stick through with it and gain some courage. But I'm still freaked out.

And he's sooo busy tomorrow that he can't even spend the night. Not that I want anything out of it (really!) it's just after that movie I'm scared and I wouldn't mind his comforting presence being there for me! Is that so wrong? Besides, we're both tired, and isn't it dangerous for him to be on the road when he's exhausted? Whatever, he'd just say that the past few nights (when he gave me a ride home from the library, then when he stayed over late) I kept him from doing what he needed to do. And he'd be right. I guess I am spoiled, not knowing the "real" lifestyle. I'm not really out on my own, making my own money. And the freshman workload is always less than the senior/major workload. *sigh* I'm asking for too much, huh?

I could make the excuse (I think) that I'm feeling pretty damn fragile and I need company this month, because I really don't want to get driven to that edge. But nothing seems to work in lieu of him. Schoolwork is mundane and irritating at best; fanfic or Nanowrimo inspiration only lasts for so long, fanart takes a long time, and I can only play so much DDR or video games in a day without hurting myself one way or another.

I suppose I can wait for the weekend of Our Day and his birthday, since it doesn't seem like he's going to San Diego or anything. I still don't know what to give him (specifically, what clothes, what size... how and where to buy it) since he's picky (and he admitted it). I'd go shopping WITH him, but then... hello, he's busy.

He doesn't even tell me what he's so busy WITH. He mentioned stuff that's due at the end of the month for classes, but is he really spending every waking hour studying or shopping for groceries? I think not. I'm being paranoid and whatnot, but wouldn't that just be karma, smacking me in the face... I mean, what if he's cheating on me?

The thought won't leave my head, despite all the things he's said to me in the [recent] past. But little things still bug me more than they should, like how he is insistent on finishing his papers fast so CAROLYN can proof them. Look, just because she was a Journalism major and works for the Daily News as a freelancer doesn't make her God! Why doesn't he ever ask me? *sigh* I feel so... useless right now.

Comments

[shalilajupiter.livejournal.com]

you're too loud or brash, and that's why others react strongly to your opinions. It was about ME keeping my feelings and thoughts inside, because other people were making ME uncomfortable, so *I* have to change to adapt *THEM*?!

There are instances, being a loud, brash, blunt (and often tactless) person myself, where I've been told off by people for it. I understand hating the idea of having to "watch what you say" just to keep other people happy. Trust me. I know that experience more than well enough, enough to the extent that "my feelings matter but yours don't," and that can be a very damaging trap. There is always moderation. Being cautious about what is said, about the way it is said is not giving anything up. It's modifying opinions to entice others to be more likely to agree with them.

I can tend to seem abrasive, and I do feel that if a person has an opinion they shouldn't just agree with someone for the sake of agreement. It can be very damaging to the spirit. However, because if life experience, I also know that sometimes remarks that aren't intended to offend other people, do. I also understand not liking the idea of having to restrain my own thoughts and feelings in order to accomodate certain irrationalities in others.

Of course, I do always like to remember that sometimes one has to be gentle with people. Sometimes people are more easily affected than they seem to be and that sometimes an out of place wording that hurt a person severely, make them feel negatively about themselves, even if that is not the intent.

Again, it's a matter of experiencing both sides.

And thought I don't feel that a person has to restrain their opinions, there are ways of modifying them that suddenly make them more viable, less contradictory.

It's the art of that calm, smooth, convincing diplomacy, based on wording and the 'we' principle. Or, as my grandfather would say, 'telling someone to go to hell so that they'll look forward to the trip.'

All people are, in some way, these precious delicate beings that should be preserved. That a person should be as gentle on another's soul as possible. Sheep can be hearded, they can be steered, and so too can people. It is more effective to work through persuasion and positive reinforcement than it is to simply state what needs to be stated.

This is because people are self preservational. People tend not to respond well to change, or should a change, in some way, feel forced, they tend to feel uncomfortable. There are ways around the resistence of others, or the discomfort of them as well.

There are methods of expressing opinions strongly without seeming, well, blunt. I like to work from the 'we' principle. It's a very important thing. Even if we think differently, we have to recognise that other people's ideas and thoughts are valid. We have to recognise that, make them realise that we do regard them as human, that we don't think they're stupid, or wrong just because we think differenly from them. A simple restatement will do, after which slow modifications can be made in order to add differing ideas to the discussion. The purpose of the 'we' principle is that it takes down sides. There is no longer 'you' or 'I' working against each other, but instead there is a 'we' working towards a certain understanding of a principle, concpet, idea.

The word 'we' is a simple way to decrease a sense of attack (intended or unintended) on another individual. It makes them more comfortable because of that and more likely to, in time, change their way of thinking, or at the very leaset become more accpeting in turn of opinions that are not their own.

Even though there are no right or wrong opinions, calm, peaceful resolutions can be reached with people without riling them by recognition and careful control of expression.

Opinions should be expressed, but there are ways to do it which actually make those opinions more strongly expressed simply because they are presented in an agreeable manner. The manner and not the opinon is where agreement is sought.

When I was in school, I did spend every waking hour of my day studying/shopping/cleaning/budgeting/cooking/eating/sleeping. Even when I was free I was simply too tired to do anything, even if I had wanted too.

O_O

[azurite]

The one thing I can always look forward to from you is a long, thoughtful, well-written comment on my most angsteriffic issues. *bows* Thank you very much. I'm only half-awake right now, so this will merit a re-read later on when I have food in my stomach and caffeine in my blood, but thank you nonetheless. And props to your grandfather-- that's a great quote to go down in the ages.

[rhapsody-dragon.livejournal.com]

I know this isn't long and eloquent, but meh! Az, one of the things I like about you is how you're always up there and hah! Power Chicka! Seriously, don't change for someone else, that's a bunch of trash...!