Few short, or many long? You decide.

Hm. I usually type a few LONG entries in a day. So if I want to get more feedback or advice, does that mean I should type more short(er) entries? Sounds like a plan. I'll try to do that starting new. That would also help me when I tend to rant and rail and then leave the computer... and forget to save drafts! >_<

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO FIGURE OUT ABOUT LIFE
* Why people die (I don't mean like medical reasons, I just mean why, period)
* Why things can SEEM so great but FEEL so bad
* Why money is so important to everyone for everything
* What love is (and why it matters/should matter)
* Who your "type" is
* What you're "ready for" when
* What trust is, and who deserves yours
* What "betrayal" is, and if it really matters, or can be gotten over

There's probably a lot more out there floating around in our heads, but that's all that's been haunting me lately, especially the 3rd to last one, "figuring out what your 'type' is." It's not like I've had a ton of experience with guys or anything, but I have had lots of crushes. I mean yeesh. Eva could probably draw a lot of similarities with them; hell, some of them probably fit that silly "Darien Theory" we came up with in Freshman year while in ROTC.

In case you're wondering, that theory was related to my obsession with bishounen-like boys at the time, and in particular, Darien of Sailor Moon fame (so sue me, I was a Moonie... sort of still am). The rule was that most of the guys I fell for had somewhat light skin (usually half-Asian, half-white) and had dark hair, dark eyes, and were taller than me by at least 6". Most of the guys also fit Darien's stubborn, mysterious personality as well, and, for one reason or another, tended to be out of reach. When I "snagged" them (and it hasn't happened) it would change who he was on the outside, but we'd have a connection that no one else did with each other, or with either of us.

Sounds pretty whack now.

CRUSHES (I'll be totally honest... or as honest as I can be without turning into a tomato)
Chris Garcia aka Xander aka Brillo Boy
Harry H. (scary thought now, all things considered)
Jason Cunningham aka Woody aka Darien
Alex Chun (SORT OF!! He terrified me! And I did have that pretty *weird* dream about him...)
Vince (yes, THAT Vince)
Will (ah everyone already knew about all that anyway, why's it a secret?)
Jeremy (I bet people knew about that one too)
Mike (...)
Lonnie (and we can see where that's going now)
Jonathan P. aka J.Po
Tomoyuki Kato (*giggle* He's so stoic! I never talk to him anymore since I'm not in ROTC)
(Two other people that frequent RTA, but I don't want to freak them out...)

BOYFRIENDS (le grand total: 1! Uber-pathetica!)
(Ex) Joe C.

Gah. Thinking about this kind of stuff makes me depressed. INDIFFERENCE IS THE KEY! EVERYONE'S DOING IT THESE DAYS! SUBMIT TO THE PEER PRESSURE! GIVE IN TO THE DELICIOUSNESS OF APATHETICA! ... Yeah.

"I Do I Do I Do" (Full) is kinda strange. "We are the Champions," for DDR sucks, but I do like all the Queen songs being in DDR at all. Haven't gotten much else done. But I suppose having eaten and ranted has made me somewhat sleepy, at least for another 4 hours. Then from 7-8:40, WORK! Must get my essay done...!

You don't choose what you believe in, IT chooses YOU

Ah, finally back from the awards ceremony and J-town. Not that much to say. Well, the crepe was good. And I should have ordered Hinata 120% #1, since I'm still not done with the 1st chapter... then again, I have been ultra-busy the past... month or so. @_o It probably hasn't seemed that way, but when I try to prioritize everything, there just aren't enough hours in the day. Not to mention my resources and abilities for Japanese aren't as great as I'd like them to be, so I'm still angsting over that. I just want to get into that Japanese class once and for all. Elementary or no, once I get the credit, I'm a happy camper.

Ah, the awards ceremony. As predicted, the following people won for choir (First Ladies/General awards)
Most improved: Astrid Benson (I still have to ask her to sign my yearbook... but it's hard to work up the courage)
Best overall in First Ladies: Laura Louie (... I voted for Michelle An)
National Director's Award: Alicia Flor (I knew it!)
National Choir Award: Rochelle Miller (I knew it!)

I got a patch, like everyone else that didn't really "win" anything. A patch is okay, I can iron it onto my choir jacket or something, like Leanne suggested. =P Better than some silly, meaningless certificate anyway, one that would have just ended up in my napkin-holder of similar awards. =P The only certificates that will mean anything to me are my diploma, my BA, and my MA! And yes, I am aiming for an MA in Journalism!

Haha, Potter was at the VAPA awards too, for Band, and I cheered pretty loudly for him, considering that by that time in the awards ceremony, everyone was pretty damn tired of clapping. I tried to whistle, but I'm not as loud as I'd like to be. =P He still smiled anyway, and I think besides Sam, he got more cheering (total, AND from me) than anyone else in Band or Orchestra. I didn't even realize Yvette was there till I saw her onstage. =P Oh well, I got J.Po's attention, and he DOES have a great smile.

REALIZATIONS
Guys have nice hair (most that I know, anyway)
Guys have DROWNABLE-IN-'EM eyes (I'm starting to love that deep brown)
If a guy can smile, he's definitely worth your time
If a guy has a nice, catching, infectious smile, it's even better
It shouldn't be TOO hard to get him to smile, but he better not be the Joker or anything
Tall guys are nice to lean on and play with =P
Guys that apply to all of the above AND wear fuzzy fleece sweaters RULE!

*ahem* Anyway... Let's see, worked on getting "Every Heart" live, since the link's been on Souten's main page for a while now. And here I'm going to change Souten's main layout soon, too! But for "Every Heart," my simple, personal page, I've got a few of the songs I've written up there (lyrics). I'd appreciate some feedback for the poetry/lyrically inclined, if they wouldn't mind. =P My being in choir hardly means I'm a great songwriter. I just need to hook up some musician friends *poke poke* and try to record some of them. Teh song section, unfortunately, is the only thing MOSTLY up at "EH," the drawings and other assorted pages have yet to be made.

I'm tired... thank god I finished the POW presentation (total bullshit I snatched from the Internet, but I couldn't just turn in some printout, I had to figure everything out backwards and logically apply it! I think it worked though... Mrs. K *did* say she'd never seen my method before, but if it worked... ^_^), turned in my Macbeth essay (chugged out during 6th and 7th period) and managed to get my Take Home Assessment done. The 3rd problem on there was a bitch, because I kept trying to write a functioning matrix for the linear equations, but when I calculated the inverse of the first matrix multiplied by the answer matrix, it always came out wrong! >_< But now it's all said and done and I'm happy...

Bunch of people signed my yearbook, and still bunches more to go (if you're reading this and haven't signed it yet, you BETTER! Or I'll STALK YOU!!) ... Astrid and Sung, I definitely hope for. I got around to reading the entries I have and I actually ADORE what Jonathan Potter wrote. For a while I was thinking he'd write something cheesy like "Have a nice summer" or "Bye" but he didn't! ^_^ So yaaaaay. =D Colleen and Kripa still have to finish their entries, Katia has to sign period, and Karina's supposed to sign tomorrow in homeroom. I should ask Jhalannia again if I see her too. =D And Dennis, because he's always been nice to me and talked to me at my locker, even when Kimberley or his own "girlfriend" (I don't know if they're going out anymore) are rude to me. Michelle's USUALLY nice though...

Oh yes, and Oliver says that he's bringing his camera on Friday, if you didn't already know, so we must look... (and I quote) "nicer." I sort of take offense to that, since it implies that we don't look nice as we are. I hate photos as a rule, even if I do collect them... but... =P Blah, I'll just look like myself. Past couple of days I've been wearing some pretty hot outfits, but lacking the camera to show them off with! =P BLAH!

Turns out the Natalise benefit concert's on Friday, not Thursday, like I thought. =P So I don't want to go so much anymore, since it's scheduled to be 2 hours long, and doors open at 6 (adding one more hour). I really want to hang out with my friends and play DDR. I have a feeling I'd be pretty bored/lonely at the concert anyway.

x_X I'm so tired... and today was a B-schedule, with me trying to prolong not going to school by sleeping in! But my stomach hurts, and I keep falling asleep! It's only 9:49, and I should study for the Econ final tomorrow (2nd period! AUGH!!!) but... AAAAAAAAAH. And I still have to clean out my locker, work on more sites, finish checking my email, read fics. Forget this. It's not like anyone ever talks to me on AIM anymore... ;_; Might as well just go to bed and TRY to wake up at like 6:15 tomorrow or something.

I hope tomorrow is a good day, despite all the finals. Maybe I'll see Lonnie. I need a hug. (I'm a very needy person, I guess. Picky, but needy nonetheless.)