Aug. 13th, 2002

azurite: (roses are red)
^^ I am now officially addicted to Arisu 19th. That is, Alice 19th. It's a brand new manga (and probably will be an anime in a few years) by Watase Yuu, creator of popular series like Fushigi Yuugi (The Mysterious Play), Ayashi no Ceres (Ceres: Celestial Legend) and Imadoki!

It features a girl named Alice who has trouble saying what she really feels-- until one day, her selfish sister is mean to her, and Alice wishes she would disappear. To Alice's surprise, SHE DOES! As it turns out, this weird rabbit Alice took in was really a rabbit-girl named Nyozeka, and Alice is a Lotis-Master! Lotis means "spiritual words," and give one the power to combat darkness. Likewise, there are words used by darkness that cause one to become succumbed by the evil inside their hearts.

Alice's crush -and her sister's Mayura's boyfriend- Kyou, is a member of the Archery Club, and finds himself caught between how his heart can be closed to those he is close to ... and yet open to people like Alice, a girl younger than him that doesn't express herself. He too, is a Lotis-Master in training, only he doesn't realize it until he, Alice, Nyozeka and another classmate are caught in "The Realm of the Heart." He summons the power of a word "Protect" to save Alice from certain doom at the hands of a demon who kidnaps Mayura!
@_@ This probably sounds very complicated to someone who has never had experience with anime or manga, but it's VERY COOL...

Now, the idea of a girl being able to control words with her heart is interesting to me... and I had an idea (after thinking I was hearing my mother's voice while listening to music... even when it was 2am and she was sound asleep, despite how light a sleeper she is) for a manga of my own, one that I plan to do (or get around to) for Japanese extra credit.

It's called "I'm listening" and features a girl who loves music-- in fact, her name means something along the lines of "Prophetess of the Wind through the Pine Trees" (the 'wind through the pine trees' part is actually a Japanese word for music!). One day, she and her friend pass over a grate on their way to school-- and the girl hears an odd noise, causing her to remove her headphones and stop. The crowd tries to move around her-- and her friend is surprised, since this girl (her name is Shouin) usually never stops listening to her music until they get to school. As they pause, they see a Missing Person poster-- of a girl at their school! Shouin wants to return to the site where she heard the odd sound... she has a funny feeling it has something to do with her missing classmate! She doesn't have the chance during or after school, since it's so crowded, so she goes back, late at night... and finds a small cassette tape! She reaches and takes it, but is caught on school property by an investigator-- he's securing the campus since the girl went missing. He's only a few years older than Shouin-- but suspicious of her from the start. When she finally gets away from him, she goes home and listens to the tape-- and it sounds blank. Disappointed, Shouin goes to sleep... but in the middle of the night, her tape player clicks on, and Shouin awakens to mysterious whispers from the tape... that she shouldn't be able to hear!

So my idea gives a girl the power to "hear the unheard." Watase-sensei's latest gives a girl the power to "control words" and "displace evil in one's heart." The symbols used in Alice 19th (called 19th because the first symbol Alice summons is the 19th "Lotis" (which is like a rune) and is called "Rangu" - or "Courage.") are like runes... and that seemed new and interesting to me too.

So I've also had the idea that someone can have a handicap, and become sort of "anti-world" but gain faith when a mysterious power lends them the ability to get OVER their handicap- say, give a mute person speech, or a blind person sight. Quote-unquote normal girls often get powers-- or gifts, wishes (with constraints), or general Things-From-Another-World/Dimension. ^.^ It's very cool. I seem to like these fantasy-based manga the most.

I've also pointed out that many of these magical or fantasy mangas are cliched in many ways-- they aren't local to any particular part of Japan (and those that are don't focus on it throughout the course of the story) and don't emphasize trends too much... I kinda want to see a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution)-themed manga!

Likewise, maybe a Geisha manga... or perhaps one based on the life of a Japanese woman/teen in world war 2? Or how about a military-girl one? Like the life of a girl who grew up on a military base?

I had other ideas, including fanfics for Arisu 19th, but since I've only read one, I'll hold off on those for now... tee hee hee su.

Other random ideas:
-Something to do with the Internet
-Something to do with medicine, herbs, healing
-Something WICCA! ^^
-Something artsy
-Something edible (food-related... like an iron chef manga!)
-Something gamey (not card game like Yu-Gi-Oh) I mean... like Rubik's cube, or puzzles, or something
-Something weird and odd (like my idea of traveling to other worlds via lockers, closets, toilets, etc.)
-Something creepy and romantic (a'la Buffy, except with Yin/Yang... two people on opposite sides of the scale hate each other, but are destined to be together)
-Something fashiony (life of a teenage fashion designer?)
-Magic glasses? I'm weird like that.
-Magic makeup? even weirder.
-Something to do with scent, taste, or touch
-Something about ghosts / time travel (REAL time travel, not dimension/alternate universe hopping)
-???? I'm too full of ideas.

Present Tense Note: I actually turned the "I'm Listening" manga idea into a short story for my Spring '07 Narrative Writing class. On Thursday, 5/3, I'll get feedback and peer reviews from other people in my workshop group, so we'll see how well that old idea translated into my modern style of writing and ideas. Shouin got renamed "Elizabeth McSwith," and her friend (not sure what I'd named her in the original) became Stephanie Stephanapolous (or something else Greek and hard to spell).
azurite: (anger of angels - kisara)
If you've read the title, you know what's coming. I shouldn't even have to say it... so I'm not going to. Today is Tuesday, August 13th, and it is 5:38pm. I am now single.

Since the weekend of April 27th, I was considered "taken" -- that is, I was going out with an intelligent, considerate, generous, sweet, and funny man of 19 years by the name of Joe.

In the beginning, I wasn't sure if I was in love with him... but I certainly liked the way I felt around him, and the way he made me feel-- about myself, my surroundings, and about everything.

In the past three months our relationship kept climbing those stairs to a new level... and we sort of reached that level today. Shortly thereafter, Joe looked downright uncomfortable... and I asked him flat out what was wrong. After what we had done, I had 75% of me screaming that if he didn't want to continue, then that meant he was going to -as I had feared the night previous, coming up with excuses as to why I didn't want to do The Deed- "use me and lose me." It had been a long 3 months of using and losing, and I know he could have done it in a far less expensive manner.

But that's not what happened at all. He'd gotten to the stage in our relationship where "the spark was gone," and the love he felt for me wasn't romantic in nature anymore. I appreciated -and still do- his honesty. He told me that his first relationship failed because both he and his then-girlfriend didn't want to admit to the failures in their relationship-- wanted to keep going for the sake of making out. But he appreciated and honored me as a friend so much that he told me this, and that he didn't want that happening to us. He'd been thinking about it for a few weeks now, trying to rekindle whatever he'd originally felt, but without success.
I tried not to cry, tried to ignore him holding me for a good twenty minutes. I finally got up off the couch, grabbed my shirt, and stalked to the bathroom. I looked like a wreck. I brushed my teeth till they bled (so what, I have sensitive gums) and then wiped my face clean. 'Crying is a weakness,' I told myself, brushing and setting my hair, and putting on my glasses. He was out there waiting for me when I came out-- I wasn't surprised. I would have been upset if he'd just up and left, or if I'd been stupid enough to be MAD at him for being honest and forthright, and kicked him out.

So I said, "If you want to talk, we'll talk." And we did-- in short, little two-minute bursts. He explained that we needed a break-- just a month or so. It wasn't me-- the classic line that no one believes anymore, but my already deprecating self-confidence swallowed it, hook line and sinker.

I seem to be more eloquent when I'm depressed, you notice?
He didn't want us to stop seeing each other-- but since he lived so far away, trying to maintain a relationship when he felt there was no more "spark" would just be a waste of his time and money. It probably will be a month until I see him next-- and I find myself a bit upset that sad songs and quotes keep popping into my head.

Things like "Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship never," (HORSERADISH! I'm going to MAKE THAT STATEMENT FALSE!) and "What of the soul was left, when the kissing had to stop?" The 98 Degrees song, "The Hardest Thing [I'll Ever Have To Do]" and a2000a's "You're Original." Last night, I kept recalling the first time he kissed me-- and the first time my mom saw, and the look on her face was priceless. I remember the time I stayed at his house, and even when he was dead tired after all his party hosting, he held me in his arms like I was the most precious thing to him.

I believe him when he says that I was the farthest he ever got with a girl-- it's not a monumental achievement or whatever, but at least that means we've both gotten to certain stages in our romantic lives.

I asked him if he planned to see other people-- no... he wasn't sure. I tried to say I wouldn't be jealous, but I think in reality I would. I feel bad just for admitting this, when less than a month ago I was feeling awfully superficial about our relationship, almost ashamed that he wasn't a handsome Prince Charming, or some studly, mysterious bishounen out of a shoujo manga. But as time went by, I realized I didn't care about that-- anyone who does isn't looking past themselves either. In the beginning, I always asked Joe why he went out with me-- what in the world he saw in me, or why he found himself attracted to me. Whatever he felt, he couldn't put it into words. Maybe I'm being naive, and he really DID use me and lose me-- but I feel such a deep connection to him, even after he's left. It's not a goodbye-- it's a see you again next month. It's not I hate you, but thank you... for everything you've done... everything you've said, and everything you've given me the opportunity to feel.

And I miss him... as if he were gone for real, gone from my life. He's not, in reality... I know we'll see each other again. Soon, maybe. And if people say that we can't be friends, I'll prove them wrong. I'll find that someone out there who loves me for who I am, and who doesn't let "sparks" die. Maybe it'll be Joe still, and maybe it won't. I have to be optimistic.

I have to try and keep on living. Right now, I am moving on with my life.

January 2016

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