It is done.

[azurite]

Okay, I'm still alive. And kicking, sort of.

I did it... went to FX, talked to Jenny. It took some doing, since Lolita-chan (aka Aya) unexpectedly came along on our little trip to McDonald's, but all in all, everything went okay... we finally got to talk in the Anime FX bulletin board area, and I told her everything-- that I still had feelings for Joe (then again, you can't NOT have feelings of some sort about EVERYBODY, unless you don't know them at all), that I regretted ever breaking up with him in the first place (rather, NOT getting back with him the first time, and not STAYING "back" when we finally *did* get back together), etc. etc.

And she told me that yeah, he'd told her he liked HER a few weeks ago (gotta love how I'm always last on the list to find out this kinda thing. And I always find these things out in the worst way. That was how it was when Joe broke up with ME the first time-- he told me he'd felt that way for a FEW weeks, and his timing for breaking it off was, in a phrase, "less than stellar." But who cares about THAT anymore?) and she'd said what she felt-- that she wasn't into a boyfriend, let alone a relationship of any kind right then, and she doesn't even know what way she swings!

So... I'm a little relieved... I guess. But the thing is, they hang out so much these days, who's to say HER feelings won't change? Who's to say HIS won't? I have no place in anybody's equation more. I've never really felt so lonely before, and if anything gets my mood down, it's that.

I am trying to focus on writing, focus on the college stuff that is looming ahead, focus on making money for Fanime (haha), and focus on music... music at least, has a big impact on your mood, and is an easy way of cheering yourself up... or working yourself into a rage. But the fact is, I'm trying. I'm glad I didn't succeed at the whole 5-minute cutting phase-- Mamono's glad too, and I think Jenny was too. Maybe.

I just saw this gorgeous sunset earlier, and smelled the night jasmines as they blossomed on my way home... and those are the kind of little things I'd like to remember, and have for another day. "One more sunset," or something to that effect. So don't start getting all Freudian on me; I'm not [that] suicidial. I mean come on, folks, this is me! Mero mero, the bouncy one! :) I make it out of all the worst situations and still come out singing!

Meanwhile, I'm trying my hand at BLINKIES! Can you believe in all her photoshop-ness, Mero has NEVER made a blinkie? I think it's similar to making fading text or whatnot in ImageReady, but I'm looking for a good tutorial, complete with graphics, that can show me how. Otherwise I'm just going to wing it, and you may or may not see the results soon.

I'm also going to start working on "The Rose Chronicles" (sounds pretty decent, but if someone suggests a better title...) soon. I have to get a spiffy webpage built up for it, and that means going on a graphic/brush hunt again. Whee.

Right here/Right now/There is no other place/I'd wanna be/Right here/Right now/Watching the world wake up from history...

Comments

Time and Place...

[slvrknght0.livejournal.com]

I understand the desire and sometimes need to post aspects of your personal life in a public forum. But is it really appropriate to publish parts of someone else's private life online ?

Re: Time and Place...

[azurite]

WHO ELSE'S PRIVATE LIFE?

Last time I checked, this was *my* journal, and everything I said had to do with ME and what was going on in MY life. I can't help but mention other people, but that's how journals work.

I'm not saying anything derogatory or revealing anybody's secrets.

If anybody mentioned in here has a problem with what I say here, then they can address their concerns to me themselves.

Re: Time and Place...

[(Anonymous)]

Looked like a friendly post with genuine concern for something he might've seen as hurtful to someone else, in my opinion. I personally don't see anything wrong with what he said or how he said it. He was polite in saying what he felt, perhaps it was called for that the courtesy be returned, but I guess it's like you said... "it's YOUR journal"...

I find it's nice to just take into consideration how others might feel reading your journal, especially if they are mentioned in the post. Keeping in mind that it is *MY* journal, I still like to be thoughtful and respectful to other's feelings, and respecting their right to keeping certain things private. If I don't think the post is courteous towards everyone, I make it a private entry. It's that simple.

Of course this is only what I think... maybe I just try to be more thoughtful than others though....

Re: Time and Place...

[azurite]

The one thing I didn't understand about the first commenter's post was this: he said that I shouldn't include info about other people's PRIVATE lives.

I ask: if someone's life is private, how do I know what I write in my LJ? I write about-- guess who?-- MY life! And my thoughts, my feelings, my interactions. I do not write about what other people think and feel, because I DO NOT KNOW.

If someone's life, social interactions, or relationships are private, then NO ONE ELSE knows about them. I post what I know, which is NOT private information.

And I do take people's feeling's into consideration-- there's a lot that I think but don't say. If I ever had something truly hurtful or derogatory to say, then you can bet I'd screen it, or use nicknames, or whatever.

But in my post, I said NOTHING of the sort. So I felt no need to mask anything. Besides, what's the point when people can GUESS who you're talking about, anyway?

Re: Time and Place...

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, well, I think the first person might mean that you shouldn't have put in "and she doesn't even know what way she swings!"...I mean, its kinda of personal. If I wasn't sure, and I told that to someone, I would honestly not want someone to post that in a blog. So yeah...

Luv ya.
------> Katia T @-}--

Re: Time and Place...

[azurite]

Ah, see, that makes sense. Except, she didn't mind announcing that; I doubt she told it to me in secrecy or anything.

o_O I don't really know which way I swing, either. Left right, up down... around in a circle... swing!

>_> I'm being stupid, and you know it. But at least you made sense.

I read backwards! LOL!

[rhapsody-dragon.livejournal.com]

^-^ I'm glad you were able to get all that off your chest-- You'll feel better I'm sure of it! You know, it'll all work out somehow-- It always does! Heh, you may even meet someone new soon! ^-^

I just saw this gorgeous sunset earlier, and smelled the night jasmines as they blossomed on my way home... and those are the kind of little things I'd like to remember, and have for another day.

^-^ You know, that's really neat sounding! LOL! No wonder your a great writer! Makes me want to be there! Heh, though I'm stuck here in the mud puddles accompanied by the spring breeze.... which isn't exactly as warm as it is there! ^^;;

Re: I read backwards! LOL!

[azurite]

For once, California is having a bout of "stereotypical weather."
Har har.