Smile smile, itsumo miteite...
Apr. 20th, 2004 01:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azuriteOkay, so I've been rather bummed all day, despite the fact that I told Joe everything last night. And while that might have helped me sleep better, it hasn't helped me FEEL better. You can tell I'm a writer, because I keep coming up with these wildly TAFFy situations in which the most dramatic, angsty thing possible happens.
I'm beginning to live one of those really pathetic angst stories, as Mary Sue. :P I'm kind of ashamed to admit (but I do have to admit it, because I hate having Deep Dark Secrets) but I can't even do the cutting thing right. Yep, for the first time in my life, I actually tried to do something I *knew* 100% was stupid. Sort of like the first time you aim to "drink to get drunk." Well, if it's any reassurance, it didn't work. I think you have to have the inbred "I REALLY WANT TO DIE" gene in you in order to know HOW to cut yourself properly; I didn't, and now the scars aren't even there anymore. And the thought has completely vanished from my head-- if I do die anytime soon, it will because of a train hitting me, or a car flattening me. But not because I threw myself in front of either type of vehicle, but because San Francisco drivers are STOOPID.
I'm going to throw myself into writing as much as I can; it's said in every form of writing, be it journalism, fiction, or otherwise, that you should "write what you know." And while I might not be Albert Einstein or Mother Teresa, I'd like to think I know a lot --or at least, I've felt a lot. And so I can write what I feel, and I suppose when I'm depressed, I can feel things a lot clearer. Little things become very important-- the sound of the eucalyptus leaves in the wind, the crunch of dead leaves on the concrete. The wind in my face was especially nice tonight.
Anyway, Co was the one that closed Box with me, and of course, he, like all the other guys on duty that night (funny, that. Barely any girls were closing-- if any at all!) noticed I was a bit out of it. Ramon thought it was especially weird, but he's a nice guy, so he cares about everybody, I think. And when I'm returning all my keys and stuff (well, the radio... I kind of forgot to return my keys until after I'd clocked out), Co hit the nail on the head, and says, "The only reason I can think of why you'd be depressed is... heartbreak?"
o_O I said "What?!" more out of shock than not understanding or hearing him. Ramon didn't get it at first; he thought I didn't get my break, and thus, I was grumpy. But he knew I'd gotten my break, since it was coming BACK from my break when I didn't speak to him, and he deduced I was out of sorts. Well, I said they were sort of right, but it wasn't the kind of thing I wanted to go into (hell, most of them know about this journal anyway, so they can always read here and find out all the gory details), so... I didn't. Told Ramon as we left, pretty much the summary. Not much else to say on that end.
I made Joe go through all this same stuff, so it's my just rewards, my karma, my fate to go through it myself. Maybe I'm forcing myself to go through more angst than is necessary, but whatever... life is like this. So be it.
Dueling Kaiba made me feel a bit better, even though he got me in 2/3 duels. :P Prick, he just had the luck of the draw! About the "Yu-Gi-Oh: Power of Chaos Yugi the Destiny" update... well, Konami got back to me, and it turns out THERE IS NO UPDATE. It doesn't exist... yet. I wonder if they WILL ever update it, and if so, how will I get it? Hmm, hmmm!
Oh, and details on the Yu-Gi-Oh! Movie coming out this August have finally been released! Even better, there's going to be special movie packs of cards (maybe at theatres, maybe at CCG stores) with 8 cards apiece, always the same 8 cards. A bunch of commons, but 3 rares! :DDDD I should go to C&C soon and ask if they plan to get them. I hope they do! :DDD
Meanwhile, the DMRPG is getting interesting. We have the following facts down (and I should probably repost these in the DMRPG community):
* Yami Yugi is Atem. We're officially calling him by that name, or 'Pharaoh.' We don't call him Yami Yugi.
* Atem is from 18th Dynasty Egypt-- meaning he was living around 1539-1075 BCE. The New Kingdom, with Traditional Middle Egyptian.
* The Yamis have separate bodies from their other halves, but because they all possess the Millennium Items (for some as-yet-unstated reason), they can still control their other halves whenever they wish. Atem chooses not to do this, because he has no reason to. Guess he's just a nice guy. I suppose this also means that the two Yamis (Bakura and Marik) who we DO have to worry about can also control others. Which would make a great plot, if their scheming ever went beyond graffiting Yugi's house and sending viruses to Kaiba. If they want to prove they're serious, they'll act like they did in the original series (The Yamis have, for some really weird reason, been using Ryou and Marik's bodies, rather than their own).
* I'm going to put Mamono through hell. :D
Okay, so I have a bunch more fics to start, ideas to add to the Ideas page, yadda yadda...
And I gotta take out the trash. Yep, trash. Never let it collect. It's bad.
I'm beginning to live one of those really pathetic angst stories, as Mary Sue. :P I'm kind of ashamed to admit (but I do have to admit it, because I hate having Deep Dark Secrets) but I can't even do the cutting thing right. Yep, for the first time in my life, I actually tried to do something I *knew* 100% was stupid. Sort of like the first time you aim to "drink to get drunk." Well, if it's any reassurance, it didn't work. I think you have to have the inbred "I REALLY WANT TO DIE" gene in you in order to know HOW to cut yourself properly; I didn't, and now the scars aren't even there anymore. And the thought has completely vanished from my head-- if I do die anytime soon, it will because of a train hitting me, or a car flattening me. But not because I threw myself in front of either type of vehicle, but because San Francisco drivers are STOOPID.
I'm going to throw myself into writing as much as I can; it's said in every form of writing, be it journalism, fiction, or otherwise, that you should "write what you know." And while I might not be Albert Einstein or Mother Teresa, I'd like to think I know a lot --or at least, I've felt a lot. And so I can write what I feel, and I suppose when I'm depressed, I can feel things a lot clearer. Little things become very important-- the sound of the eucalyptus leaves in the wind, the crunch of dead leaves on the concrete. The wind in my face was especially nice tonight.
Anyway, Co was the one that closed Box with me, and of course, he, like all the other guys on duty that night (funny, that. Barely any girls were closing-- if any at all!) noticed I was a bit out of it. Ramon thought it was especially weird, but he's a nice guy, so he cares about everybody, I think. And when I'm returning all my keys and stuff (well, the radio... I kind of forgot to return my keys until after I'd clocked out), Co hit the nail on the head, and says, "The only reason I can think of why you'd be depressed is... heartbreak?"
o_O I said "What?!" more out of shock than not understanding or hearing him. Ramon didn't get it at first; he thought I didn't get my break, and thus, I was grumpy. But he knew I'd gotten my break, since it was coming BACK from my break when I didn't speak to him, and he deduced I was out of sorts. Well, I said they were sort of right, but it wasn't the kind of thing I wanted to go into (hell, most of them know about this journal anyway, so they can always read here and find out all the gory details), so... I didn't. Told Ramon as we left, pretty much the summary. Not much else to say on that end.
I made Joe go through all this same stuff, so it's my just rewards, my karma, my fate to go through it myself. Maybe I'm forcing myself to go through more angst than is necessary, but whatever... life is like this. So be it.
Dueling Kaiba made me feel a bit better, even though he got me in 2/3 duels. :P Prick, he just had the luck of the draw! About the "Yu-Gi-Oh: Power of Chaos Yugi the Destiny" update... well, Konami got back to me, and it turns out THERE IS NO UPDATE. It doesn't exist... yet. I wonder if they WILL ever update it, and if so, how will I get it? Hmm, hmmm!
Oh, and details on the Yu-Gi-Oh! Movie coming out this August have finally been released! Even better, there's going to be special movie packs of cards (maybe at theatres, maybe at CCG stores) with 8 cards apiece, always the same 8 cards. A bunch of commons, but 3 rares! :DDDD I should go to C&C soon and ask if they plan to get them. I hope they do! :DDD
Meanwhile, the DMRPG is getting interesting. We have the following facts down (and I should probably repost these in the DMRPG community):
* Yami Yugi is Atem. We're officially calling him by that name, or 'Pharaoh.' We don't call him Yami Yugi.
* Atem is from 18th Dynasty Egypt-- meaning he was living around 1539-1075 BCE. The New Kingdom, with Traditional Middle Egyptian.
* The Yamis have separate bodies from their other halves, but because they all possess the Millennium Items (for some as-yet-unstated reason), they can still control their other halves whenever they wish. Atem chooses not to do this, because he has no reason to. Guess he's just a nice guy. I suppose this also means that the two Yamis (Bakura and Marik) who we DO have to worry about can also control others. Which would make a great plot, if their scheming ever went beyond graffiting Yugi's house and sending viruses to Kaiba. If they want to prove they're serious, they'll act like they did in the original series (The Yamis have, for some really weird reason, been using Ryou and Marik's bodies, rather than their own).
* I'm going to put Mamono through hell. :D
Okay, so I have a bunch more fics to start, ideas to add to the Ideas page, yadda yadda...
And I gotta take out the trash. Yep, trash. Never let it collect. It's bad.
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 09:16 am (UTC)Torture in the form of the written word
Date: 2004-04-20 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-20 03:03 pm (UTC)Well, if you need to rant I'm in dire need of a good one so lay it on me! ^-^
Rant
Date: 2004-04-20 06:29 pm (UTC)ARGH! I'm done.
:) Boys suck.
Re: Rant
Date: 2004-04-20 07:10 pm (UTC)Re: Rant
Date: 2004-04-20 10:28 pm (UTC)I mean, my Fic Actor's Guild Award? I mean, whatever award we get for that kind of wonderful fic writing?
Haha... hey! BEA should have an award thingy!
Re: Rant
Date: 2004-04-21 01:43 pm (UTC)Re: Rant
Date: 2004-04-22 04:52 pm (UTC)