When Fish Sink

*sigh* It must be a trend, a curse, a something-or-other in my life that prevents me from being happy for an extended period of time. It happened with the dance, it happened with the concert. Yesterday I was very happy, glad that the concert was over, happy that at least ONE person other than my mom had come... then this morning, after I'd prolonged my sleeping for a glorious ten minutes, I went out to the dining room... only to discover my precious fish, Thing, my white doubletail that I've had since 4th grade, sunk at the bottom of my tank. Thing 2, the bigger straightfin goldfish I've had since 5th grade, had been acting strange and swimming upside down... so I called the fish store, and they told me to buy sinking fish wafers. I did so, but Thing 2 never seemed to catch them before they sank. Thing and It Jr. apparently ate them though, and I don't know if that was such a good thing.

*sigh* Thing was just lying there on his side, sunk at the bottom of the water, next to the plastic seaweed, staring blankly right at me. Or maybe through me. I couldn't stop crying. I know, I know, it's just a fish, fish don't have long lifespans, it's not like I sat by my fishtank telling my fish all my problems-- they're not like dogs or cats or anything. But still, I was so upset. It suddenly occurred to me that yeah, NOW that I've lost a fish, I'm willing to clean the tank out every two weeks, replace the filter, scrub the Biowheel, and put new water in the tank. I don't think the last time a fish died -It- I really got it. I was in San Diego then, for Passover, and that was years ago. He died of some disease. *sigh* This is just so depressing. Being happy is impossible, I guess.

The kicker had to be that I was thusly depressed and sluggish-- and then I missed my bus. I was late, and when I got to school, the choir class wasn't inside the room where I thought they'd be, watching the video of last night's concert. Instead, they were in the auditorium lobby looking at the "High Contrast" youth photo exhibit, which featured some pretty disturbing pictures, artwork, and the voices of queer, transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and questioning teens. It was very thought provoking.

2nd period I got my portfolio back-- a 55/90, which translates to 61%, or a D. Yay me. But there's a project coming up in which I have to develop a brand name extension and a prototype. We have time to do it-- and this time I can actually exercise some creativity. But NOW I'm off to find out how I did on the assessment yesterday. Damn, the portfolio stuff is almost due in there too. GAH.

Can't I Just Stay Here A While?

I'm not looking forward to going home. Being at school has actaully done me good-- I aced (as in A!) the math assessment, journalism was productive, lunch was delicious, and I actually got some work done on that poster for the GRRL PARTY at the Beacon next Friday. *sigh*

It looks good-- we got Buffy, Gwen Stefani, Pink, Supergirl, and some random super-chick in a black leather jumpsuit. But then there's home-- I gotta go home and shower, and get into something somewhat better looking than these overeworn Chevingnons, my sleeveless ribbed yellow shirt, my black cardigan sweater, and my stupid blue wool jacket whose sleeves need serious washing. I plan in such detail. But at home-- there'll be Thing there, just sitting at the bottom. Potter told me that leaving the fish there will be bad for the other fish... as if it hasn't been bad for them in the time since Thing died (I'm thinking last night) and all day while I was at school. I'd called Mom this morning, crying, and she hasn't called back. I don't want to deal with this alone. People don't get how you can be so attached to a fish, but I guess Thing has just been such a household staple its hard to imagine the dining room fish tank without a bright, flourishy white fish inside.

So I'm putting off going home by being picky about which image of Pink I use in the poster... reading LJs and wondering things. Going now. The GRRL poster looks good.