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azuriteMan, today was weird. Not like bizarre weird, but "I feel odd" weird. Those kind of days when you just feel out of it, like the rest of the world is moving at a different frame-rate than you are. I really didn't want to be at work today, and time just kept phasing... fast and then slow...
So there's exactly 10 days left to my birthday. I have nothing planned. I don't know who's even going to be in the city, who's going to remember, who's going to care... aren't birthdays just another excuse to get stuff off your friends? I suppose that's true, what with my wishlists and all that boo-ha-ha, but... well, I don't know, this past year has been a waste; I haven't done anything and it's felt so meaningless. A few nice accomplishments, new friends made... but here I am, almost at my own X-Day, and... what? Am I supposed to shout in jubilation?
From April 14th to July 20th is my countdown. Or maybe it should be until November 13th. In any case, once my birthday hits, once I turn 19, it's a test of survival. Will I last as long as my sister did? She died nearly 7 months after her 19th birthday-- but she was already in her 2nd year of college-- Academy of Art, no less. I miss her so much it's ridiculous.
Earlier today I just got overcome by this overwhelming desire to break down and cry. Lots and lots, for no reason at all. Is this PMS? *laughs* I guess I don't know. I notice a lot of little things that "move" me -- observations I make that really get to me, like the sound of the breeze in Eucalyptus trees, leaves skittering on the sidewalk, or the noise sprinklers make when their spray is spread to the wind. I notice smells like smoke in the air, or the night jasmine blossoms blooming. It makes for a nice walk home, even if it's after midnight and my feet hurt.
I had closing tonight, which sucked-- I stayed until midnight, and by the time I left I was just so sad... I'm not blaing it on a certain co-worker's bitchiness and attitude; I realize I messed up tonight by doing a "theater check" for a bit too long (I really wanna see "The Prince and Me" now, though) and leaving her alone at concession. Of course, there was a gap in sets over an hour and a half long... and she went and snitched to Guest Services... but, whatever. I never will have to deal with fat cows like her again once I move to LA. Okay, I will, and maybe even greater in number, but at least they won't be her. And let her whine all she wants about this, it's my journal, and oh yeah-- I didn't name names. Aren't I nice?
The one thing that brightened my mood today/tonight was seeing Kripa on the bus. Just as I was getting off, too-- i turn and look at her, and there's a moment where my brain went "Huh? Don't I know her?" and then I say aloud, "The hell?" Kripa turns and looks, and we had a 5 second conversation-- I'm going to CSUN, I got on at Van Ness, and-- I have to get off. :P Darnit, I wanted to stay and find out what she's been up to. I laughed out loud after seeing her again; it felt weird. All today's been weird, even if my luck has been sucky.
Even in games-- I tried my hand at Pharaoh again (blame it on my new book purchase, "Decoding Egyptian Hieroglyphs") but got my kingdom severely in debt. I wonder if there's cheat codes...
Bleh, so I'm off to check my email and contemplate KiSS doll creation for WDKY10.
So there's exactly 10 days left to my birthday. I have nothing planned. I don't know who's even going to be in the city, who's going to remember, who's going to care... aren't birthdays just another excuse to get stuff off your friends? I suppose that's true, what with my wishlists and all that boo-ha-ha, but... well, I don't know, this past year has been a waste; I haven't done anything and it's felt so meaningless. A few nice accomplishments, new friends made... but here I am, almost at my own X-Day, and... what? Am I supposed to shout in jubilation?
From April 14th to July 20th is my countdown. Or maybe it should be until November 13th. In any case, once my birthday hits, once I turn 19, it's a test of survival. Will I last as long as my sister did? She died nearly 7 months after her 19th birthday-- but she was already in her 2nd year of college-- Academy of Art, no less. I miss her so much it's ridiculous.
Earlier today I just got overcome by this overwhelming desire to break down and cry. Lots and lots, for no reason at all. Is this PMS? *laughs* I guess I don't know. I notice a lot of little things that "move" me -- observations I make that really get to me, like the sound of the breeze in Eucalyptus trees, leaves skittering on the sidewalk, or the noise sprinklers make when their spray is spread to the wind. I notice smells like smoke in the air, or the night jasmine blossoms blooming. It makes for a nice walk home, even if it's after midnight and my feet hurt.
I had closing tonight, which sucked-- I stayed until midnight, and by the time I left I was just so sad... I'm not blaing it on a certain co-worker's bitchiness and attitude; I realize I messed up tonight by doing a "theater check" for a bit too long (I really wanna see "The Prince and Me" now, though) and leaving her alone at concession. Of course, there was a gap in sets over an hour and a half long... and she went and snitched to Guest Services... but, whatever. I never will have to deal with fat cows like her again once I move to LA. Okay, I will, and maybe even greater in number, but at least they won't be her. And let her whine all she wants about this, it's my journal, and oh yeah-- I didn't name names. Aren't I nice?
The one thing that brightened my mood today/tonight was seeing Kripa on the bus. Just as I was getting off, too-- i turn and look at her, and there's a moment where my brain went "Huh? Don't I know her?" and then I say aloud, "The hell?" Kripa turns and looks, and we had a 5 second conversation-- I'm going to CSUN, I got on at Van Ness, and-- I have to get off. :P Darnit, I wanted to stay and find out what she's been up to. I laughed out loud after seeing her again; it felt weird. All today's been weird, even if my luck has been sucky.
Even in games-- I tried my hand at Pharaoh again (blame it on my new book purchase, "Decoding Egyptian Hieroglyphs") but got my kingdom severely in debt. I wonder if there's cheat codes...
Bleh, so I'm off to check my email and contemplate KiSS doll creation for WDKY10.
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-04 04:07 am (UTC)not to be nose ... but how long ago did your sister go to academy art univeristy :o ... im on my 3rd year ... a year and half to go :o ....
Answer?
Date: 2004-04-04 04:10 am (UTC)*sniffle*
Date: 2004-04-04 02:28 pm (UTC)Re: *sniffle*
Date: 2004-04-04 02:33 pm (UTC)Re: *sniffle*
Date: 2004-04-05 01:22 pm (UTC)Re: *sniffle*
Date: 2004-04-06 02:09 am (UTC)