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One gray hair, two gray hairs, three gray hairs, more!
I'm a bad girl. And I probably have "Junioritis" again-- the same problem I had my junior year in high school, when I cut Honors English, AP History, and Japanese, resulting in my failing all of those classes. My lousy grade in Japanese is what prevented me from getting into SFSU, which had been my dream for so long. I made up my history and English classes in summer and night school, but I learned a pretty heavy lesson that year-- it's never worth it to slack off. NEVER.
And yet, here I am doing it again, in what is supposedly my junior year of college. Well, I'm only doing it for one class (again, Japanese), and so far it's only been 2 class sessions I've missed (albeit because the class is only twice a week, that can spell doom for my understanding of the lessons). And I've BEEN spending that time trying to catch up with the work, because I hate going to class "unprepared." It's my fault for not doing my homework when it was originally due, and I can make excuses into next week, but I won't bother. I'm a known procrastinator, but for some things, doing it at the last minute just stresses me more.
Stress, for me, turns into sleepless nights, weird dreams (when I can sleep), an inability to eat/an inability to stomach what I have eaten (resulting in lousy stomachaches and an inability to WORK or do schoolwork), gray hairs, over-sweating, irritability, and bouts of crying. Sometimes I even feel violent and want to shred something into teeny bits, scream into my pillow, or slice-and-dice something. Working seems to make me MORE stressed, yet slacking off (i.e. playing video games) results in me thinking later "Why did I do that? It may have relaxed me, but now I still have loads of work to do, and less time to do it in."
It occurs to me that maybe going to Japan wasn't such a good idea. It's not solely to blame for everything that I find "wrong" with my life right now: a lack of creativity, near-constant stress (despite dropping my Pop Culture class, Journalism and Japanese still stress me out a lot), disorganization, no social OR love life to speak of, and feeling like I haven't been taking care of my grandparents as I should have. But it played a big role. I feel "stuck" in my Japanese class-- not sure what they learned in 201, feeling rushed in 202, and out of place because I haven't had Snyder as a professor before. And I could go on about why I think going to Japan RUINED my love life, but... who knows whether that wouldn't have all happened ANYWAY? And it's not like it was a bad experience-- I met some incredible people, learned a lot, and grew as a person. I don't regret going, but I do wonder if it was the best decision for me at that time.
The unexpected can always add more to your stress levels, and yesterday it turned out my grandparents had a lot of final notices and unpaid bills. Normally they keep on top of these things, but lately they've been more forgetful-- not like my Mom forgetful (she SAYS it's because she's getting old, but I know better), or like me forgetful (I forget things a lot because I do too much at once, and my brain gets overloaded). And I don't think it's like Alzheimer's forgetful, either. But that worried me, because there's only so much I *can* do for them, even if I am living here. And I want to help them, not do their work for them. I'm not supposed to act like a nursing home attendant, and I know they wouldn't want that, either. So I reordered Grandpa's checks and got him started on Online Banking so we can pay more bills online-- we already have the TV bill automated to pay every month and deduct from one of his credit cards.
Grandpa's thinking of condensing the TV, Internet, and Phone all into one via Time Warner (our current TV provider), and switching from AT&T (our phone and technically our Internet, since they bought up SBC Yahoo). I went to their 3-in-1 package website yesterday, and it looks like the grand monthly total would be around $80 for all 3 services-- but I don't know if that's just the basic minimum-- I know we have lots of TV channels Baba and Grandpa wouldn't want to lose, and I have faster-than-standard Internet, too-- or at least we PAY for faster-than-Yahoo's-standard (1313 Kbps down, 428 Kbps up, though that doesn't SEEM that fast...). That price lasts for a year before getting bumped up to the higher price, but it still would be easier on everyone to just have ONE bill that I know we can pay automatically, online. I also wonder if ordering it via the phone, I could haggle the price or contract terms down, rather than just flat-ordering it online.
Does anyone else have a similar 3-in-1 package in your area? What do you think of it?
And yet, here I am doing it again, in what is supposedly my junior year of college. Well, I'm only doing it for one class (again, Japanese), and so far it's only been 2 class sessions I've missed (albeit because the class is only twice a week, that can spell doom for my understanding of the lessons). And I've BEEN spending that time trying to catch up with the work, because I hate going to class "unprepared." It's my fault for not doing my homework when it was originally due, and I can make excuses into next week, but I won't bother. I'm a known procrastinator, but for some things, doing it at the last minute just stresses me more.
Stress, for me, turns into sleepless nights, weird dreams (when I can sleep), an inability to eat/an inability to stomach what I have eaten (resulting in lousy stomachaches and an inability to WORK or do schoolwork), gray hairs, over-sweating, irritability, and bouts of crying. Sometimes I even feel violent and want to shred something into teeny bits, scream into my pillow, or slice-and-dice something. Working seems to make me MORE stressed, yet slacking off (i.e. playing video games) results in me thinking later "Why did I do that? It may have relaxed me, but now I still have loads of work to do, and less time to do it in."
It occurs to me that maybe going to Japan wasn't such a good idea. It's not solely to blame for everything that I find "wrong" with my life right now: a lack of creativity, near-constant stress (despite dropping my Pop Culture class, Journalism and Japanese still stress me out a lot), disorganization, no social OR love life to speak of, and feeling like I haven't been taking care of my grandparents as I should have. But it played a big role. I feel "stuck" in my Japanese class-- not sure what they learned in 201, feeling rushed in 202, and out of place because I haven't had Snyder as a professor before. And I could go on about why I think going to Japan RUINED my love life, but... who knows whether that wouldn't have all happened ANYWAY? And it's not like it was a bad experience-- I met some incredible people, learned a lot, and grew as a person. I don't regret going, but I do wonder if it was the best decision for me at that time.
The unexpected can always add more to your stress levels, and yesterday it turned out my grandparents had a lot of final notices and unpaid bills. Normally they keep on top of these things, but lately they've been more forgetful-- not like my Mom forgetful (she SAYS it's because she's getting old, but I know better), or like me forgetful (I forget things a lot because I do too much at once, and my brain gets overloaded). And I don't think it's like Alzheimer's forgetful, either. But that worried me, because there's only so much I *can* do for them, even if I am living here. And I want to help them, not do their work for them. I'm not supposed to act like a nursing home attendant, and I know they wouldn't want that, either. So I reordered Grandpa's checks and got him started on Online Banking so we can pay more bills online-- we already have the TV bill automated to pay every month and deduct from one of his credit cards.
Grandpa's thinking of condensing the TV, Internet, and Phone all into one via Time Warner (our current TV provider), and switching from AT&T (our phone and technically our Internet, since they bought up SBC Yahoo). I went to their 3-in-1 package website yesterday, and it looks like the grand monthly total would be around $80 for all 3 services-- but I don't know if that's just the basic minimum-- I know we have lots of TV channels Baba and Grandpa wouldn't want to lose, and I have faster-than-standard Internet, too-- or at least we PAY for faster-than-Yahoo's-standard (1313 Kbps down, 428 Kbps up, though that doesn't SEEM that fast...). That price lasts for a year before getting bumped up to the higher price, but it still would be easier on everyone to just have ONE bill that I know we can pay automatically, online. I also wonder if ordering it via the phone, I could haggle the price or contract terms down, rather than just flat-ordering it online.
Does anyone else have a similar 3-in-1 package in your area? What do you think of it?