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Stupid brain
Quite frankly I'm sick of having dreams of totally realistic scenarios that will never happen.
I say "never happen" because I've gotten it in my head that being imaginative means accepting the consequences of my overly-optimistic, far-fetched (though still realistic! Just "crazy" realistic) mind. Back in high school, I started to think, "If I've thought of it, it'll never happen that way. Life will throw me a curve ball." And it always does, except curve balls can sometimes be awfully boring and leave me wishing for a bit drama. That's like asking for trouble, isn't it?
I guess to be perfectly honest, the particular scenario that featured in this morning's dream wasn't entirely realistic, because I was in a class that FELT like a high school class with someone that most decidedly would never have been in a class with me. Furthermore, it was like the "present me" was suddenly zapped into my high-school self's body, because it was a class I was failing and didn't give a shit about-- that's more reminiscent of my junior year in high school, when I was apathetic about everything.
I've got a few fears I've realized recently, and they're a lot more poignant than being afraid of driving:
* I'm afraid that my attitude of wanting to help people will bite me in the ass, and I'll end up realizing that people aren't always going to WANT help, even if they need it, and will make sure you break down and start to hate the world. Or maybe I'll just end up that way on my own-- that scares me too.
* I'm afraid of sticking with my "one day at a time" motto and still moving on with my life, but having these tiny threads holding me back. What I mean is, memories of things or people I feel are left unresolved. Would it really be right for me to (eventually) move on, or at least think/pretend that I am? I don't think I'll ever be able to stop thinking about those events or people unless I get some kind of closure, even if it's not necessarily the closure I want. But something's better than nothing, and time heals all wounds and all that, right?
I'm sorry if I'm being vague. Dreams of this category tend to shake me up a bit more than most. Whatever happened to my high school dreams of giant robots?
I say "never happen" because I've gotten it in my head that being imaginative means accepting the consequences of my overly-optimistic, far-fetched (though still realistic! Just "crazy" realistic) mind. Back in high school, I started to think, "If I've thought of it, it'll never happen that way. Life will throw me a curve ball." And it always does, except curve balls can sometimes be awfully boring and leave me wishing for a bit drama. That's like asking for trouble, isn't it?
I guess to be perfectly honest, the particular scenario that featured in this morning's dream wasn't entirely realistic, because I was in a class that FELT like a high school class with someone that most decidedly would never have been in a class with me. Furthermore, it was like the "present me" was suddenly zapped into my high-school self's body, because it was a class I was failing and didn't give a shit about-- that's more reminiscent of my junior year in high school, when I was apathetic about everything.
I've got a few fears I've realized recently, and they're a lot more poignant than being afraid of driving:
* I'm afraid that my attitude of wanting to help people will bite me in the ass, and I'll end up realizing that people aren't always going to WANT help, even if they need it, and will make sure you break down and start to hate the world. Or maybe I'll just end up that way on my own-- that scares me too.
* I'm afraid of sticking with my "one day at a time" motto and still moving on with my life, but having these tiny threads holding me back. What I mean is, memories of things or people I feel are left unresolved. Would it really be right for me to (eventually) move on, or at least think/pretend that I am? I don't think I'll ever be able to stop thinking about those events or people unless I get some kind of closure, even if it's not necessarily the closure I want. But something's better than nothing, and time heals all wounds and all that, right?
I'm sorry if I'm being vague. Dreams of this category tend to shake me up a bit more than most. Whatever happened to my high school dreams of giant robots?
D:
But in the broad scheme of things, however people may react is not something to let that beat you down. There's an African proverb that says "I you want to walk fast, walk alone. If you want to walk far, walk with others." People who think they can snub assistance and always get by will be hurt in the end, and if you let their attitude get to you then you'll be in the same dump. Treat the situation with a smile and you'll pull through, and maybe the Jerk of the Day will even feel guilty and repent of his snobbery.
Seriously, when I'm in a store or restaurant and I go out of my way to be nice and supportive to the people who work there, I almost always get free stuff. That just goes to show you how apathetically a lot of people must be treated on a regular basis. Don't stop helping!
Also, get closure! I held onto a phone number for six years that a guy gave me a long time ago, and I was always afraid to call him back because of how I feared he'd changed. In the end the phone number didn't even work; I'd waited too long. Get your closure, and if you get bad reception then just consider that the best you can do. Don't live just for today! Your past and future are just as important to where you are now.
In other news, God told me that if we finish the harbor scene then your dreams of giant robots will return in technicolor and surround sound. In HD. And He will extend the days to thirty hours so that we have actual free time to do it. It will happen!
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